Monday, September 1, 2008

I kept the swearing to a minimum.

I occasionally imbibe liquor, and last night was one of the occasions I did so. I had a concoction of some fruity variety, made by Captain Morgan Parrot Bay. I think it was pineapple and orange flavored or something. Anyway it was some fruity thing. I don't drink often really, but when I do imbibe, it's generally a fruity drink. I can't stand the taste of beer, and I think wine tastes equally horrible. I just don't like the bitterness I think. I've always prefered sweet things though. Were it not for my father's diabetes (and therefore my familial tendency towards it) I'd indulge my sweet tooth far more often than I do.

But, that isn't what I was meaning to go into. I'm not feeling well this morning as a result. Not horrible mind you, and not what I'd call hung over exactly, but maybe like I shouldn't have had the second one. I feel kind of pale and a bit crabby, which I'm hoping will pass after a hot shower and some breakfast. I have delicious chocolate muffins to eat.

I'm also feeling a little down emotionally. Not, depressed exactly but kind of lost, and embarrassed/ashamed. I was filling out a quiz about experiences and I've done what I would consider alot of things, that I'm far from proud of. Sexual promiscuity in my late teens for instance. I made alot of mistakes, and mistook male attention of that variety, for genuine interest. I'm also ashamed of my heavy drinking, and drug experimentation around the same time. I realize that those were both my way of dealing with post traumatic stress disorder, brought on by two separate occasions, one being the rape, and two being earlier, not understanding or dealing well with my parents divorce. I've since come to terms with both, but I've had other things that reinforced my emotional fragility. For instance, I had a mental break down, when I was trying so hard to conceive with Nick, about three years ago. That was when I went on Zoloft, and it was the beginning of the end for us. And of course, more recently, the fiasco that has been trying to get the ***damned divorce in order.

I'm not depressed at the moment per se. I'm feeling.. ambiguous, and thoughtful. I'm certainly not read to jump for joy, or anything like that, but I'm not like suicidal either.

I'm tired, emotionally. I'm tired of being stuck in Virginia, and I'm tired of being ignored by Nick. I'm pissed at him for ignoring me completely now that my stuff is out of the apartment. I'm not asking to hang out, or go do stuff, or anything ridiculous like that. I just want him to get his shit together and get me home. I'm much more angry about than I may seem. He asked for this divorce, and I am trying to oblige, so they least he could do (I know the LEAST he could do is nothing, but you know what I mean) is to get me the hell home, so I can safely sign the damned papers and he can re-marry. I just want it OVER already.

I didn't sleep well, at all. I only slept for gosh, maybe five hours, which is plenty for some, but not for me. I slept lightly, and startled awake around 7:30. I'm listening to some music, trying to bring my mood up, but it might help, if I wasn't listening to the same depressing music I listened to in highschool. I need more peppy lighthearted stuff on my ipod. For now, I suppose the fall back of country music till I feel better about my own life (at least my life isn't as bad as THAT), and the fun techno/electronica stuff will do.


  1. Leaving my religious beliefs out of it, and going strictly by science: alcohol is a downer. So if you had two, you would be approximately twice as bummed as if you had had one. A bunch of what you're experiencing right now is purely and simply physiological, in response to the toxicity of alcohol. The bummer music doesn't help. Wish I could hand over my cassette of John Philip Sousa marches (grin).

    When your head is entirely clear tomorrow, call his CO. And don't stop calling until you get somebody who can do something. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, or in this case, the divorce.

    He's got no incentive to follow through on the paperwork. You're out of sight and therefore out of mind. He is living in married-man housing with his bimba. (My tax dollars are paying for that.)

    Can you get Radio Disney where you are? I guarantee you, a little Weird Al and Mickey Mouse would perk you up again!

    Love, Mom
    Who is handing you another virtual chocolate muffin, and a handful of PMS brownies as well.

  2. i know what you mean kinda. i've felt like that off and on. i agree with mom though, call and raise some hell to get things moving. if you can be obnoxious ebough, i'm sure they'll hit the point where they can't wait to be rid of you.

    which is good for us since we can't wait to be near you again. *loff*

  3. And I third that opinion. Call and nicely explain that he has requested a divorce and since you realize the relationship cannot be saved (understatement of the century) all you need is to be able to get home quickly so everyone can move on with their lives. You start off really nice and if that doesn't work, shift into Jenni mode!

  4. After reading this post, and the above post, I'm really wishing that we'd used that cow castrator thingamajiggy when we had the chance. I'll be the fourth to give you the advice in this post. Please, please, please call his C.O. Especially now that he's knocked her up, you should be able to get someone's attention. He should have to face consequences for what he has done. I recommend using the Navy lawyer (they'll garnish his wages to pay for it) and take him for every penny he'll ever make. Or at least get a reasonable alimony. No more Ms. nice gal. You shouldn't even have to ask for any of that stuff. If you talk to his C.O., they will be throwing a fair settlement at you, and it is probably much better than anything he has offered you. I wish you were closer so that I could give you a big hug. I guess I'll have to settle for a virtual one. *hugs*


About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.