Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Mocking Bird

I am perplexed. Every morning at sunrise I am serenaded a new mixture of noises chirps and whistles. I think it's a mocking bird and I think it nests not far from my bedroom window because it sounds like it's perched directly inside my head singing its little birdy heart out.

Some days it sounds like fairly standard bird call. One day last week it serenaded me with car alarms and cell phone alert noises mixed with chirrups and shrill whistling.

Right now? It's quacking. I don't have words for this bizarre creature.

If I weren't in the continued throes of constant migraine I would be even more curious. At the moment I'm torn between curiosity and yelling through the window to sing to someone else.

Did we just not have mocking birds in Virginia? I've been out of Texas like 10 years till June of 2016, so exposed to other wildlife. I vaguely remember mocking birds singing at me while I walked to school as a child but I don't know what to do with this.

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

No unsolicited medical advice.

Well I just posted this on facebook:

"It's time for another Rory PSA apparently.

Anyone who has known me longer than a year and has been in contact knows I have a laundry list of medical conditions. I don't really discuss them in detail publicly if I can avoid it.

The main reason being that I am inundated with unsolicited medical advice EVERY SINGLE TIME, the other reason being that seriously it's no one's business unless I choose to make it so. So, if I am posting something like say that a side effect of a new medication is unexpected or unpleasant that is not an invitation to tell me via private message OR publicly that I wouldn't be sick if I didn't take that "poison".

Are you my doctor? Are you any of the specialists I've seen over the last 6 years ruling things out and trying to find a medication balance? No? Then stop where you are and cease typing your essay on the evils of Big Pharma.

It is not welcome, I WILL delete it, and I WILL be offended.

The only circumstance in which advice is welcome is a post specifically asking for thoughts, comparison to your own circumstance, and experiences. I do write posts like that, and they can not be mistaken for anything else.

If you choose not to read this fine, but you don't get to be surprised or upset when you get deleted comments."

I posted yesterday something expressing dismay about an unexpected side effect of a new medication and deleted no less than 3 comments telling me what I should be doing instead of seeing my doctor and taking my carefully picked medications.

I saw red and decided to sleep on it before I posted. There have been private messages in the last month that have said outright that all of my illness is in my head. So, well thanks for helping me clear out my friends list I guess.

Monday, February 20, 2017

Everything hurts.

Hmm. I slept well the first and second night on the new med, but no sleep this night (Sunday into Monday). I asked my doctor if I needed to alter my sugar or caffeine intake because stimulant, and he said that while in general yes that would be great for my health, it would be a bad idea to do it while adjusting to a new medicine. That seems logical to me. I'm not pre-diabetic or anything, but part of how I treat my migraines is with a high-caffeine soda. I carry a bottle with me at all times with my little pillbox, and usually a bottle of water. My brother Logan generally keeps a 12 pack of my preferred soda on hand for when I'm over.

I had maybe a swallow of soda about 7pm Sunday when I woke up again.

Backtracking slightly, Saturday was a day of DOING. I had a checklist, this check list, and I kept updating it as I got things done.

1. Shift the dolls to the dining room in stages. DONE
2. Take morning meds. DONE
4. Set alarm for mid day dose Ritalin. DONE
5. Eat lunch. DONE
6. Remove anything from walls where floating shelves will go. DONE
7. Empty dresser(s). DONE
8. Shift dressers temporarily into living room. DONE
9. Sort the crap hanging on bedroom door. DONE
10. Do at least 1 FULL CHAPTER of German in stages. (did not complete)
11. Check grades. DONE
12. See if school ID is in system and if so apply for bus pass. DONE (ID still not in system)
13. Sanity break (as needed). DONE
14. Re-hang curtains that I accidentally pulled down yelling at neighbor dog. DONE
15. Get dressed. DONE
16. Hang shelves with assistance. DONE
17. Put dressers back. (DONE) Put dolls back. (This will be a multi-step process in retrospect.)
19. Take out recycling. DONE

So, all of that. Some of the dolls are still sitting in the dining room, and going back to check my list I just realized I forgot to transfer the laundry from washer to dryer. So, I've just taken care of that. I suppose I should start the next load but I'm pretty tired and sore from moving ALL of the furniture in my room around and weird contortionist bending getting the shelves screwed in properly.

Faythe and I ended up with multiple joint dislocations by the end of the day, but the shelves are up and functional and over the next several days I will re-distribute things that are stored and set up some doll staging areas I hope.

Sunday was a day of rest and recuperation. Faythe was manic and not up for socialization which I get. She was really awesome and patient with me and I'm thankful she was willing and able to help me hang the shelves. Mom scooped her early afternoon Saturday, and took her back home after church Sunday afternoon. Mom mostly hid away from us while we did things because it can be overwhelming when we get together. No malice, it's just two bi-polar people with common interests can be incredibly.. powerful as an experience.

So Saturday was moving furniture and cleaning up to prepare and then getting four floating shelves done, remembering to eat, remembering to medicate, etc. Sunday I was up early because I take my medicine at 5:30am, so that I am medicated for school, and my instructions were very clear to make it a daily routine because it would be more effective if I did so. So up early, had a snack. Mom and Faythe were up an hour or two later and we had a nice breakfast then. I had backpain and resurgent migraine issues so at around noon I made apologies and laid down on an icepack in the dark. I slept till about 7pm. That seems to be roughly when the medicine begins to wear off, and so I've been in my more standard pain fog since waking.

In 20 minutes now I'll take my first dose of medicine for the day, and then have a large snack a half hour later. Today my plans are roughly to get some school work done, catch up on laundry, take frequent breaks, manage pain, and go to a concert (for a school assignment but also to enjoy) with Mom this evening. It's going to be a very long day so I'm hopeful that I can get a cat nap in the afternoon before the concert. No longer than like 3 hours.

This is roughly how my room looks now:

Not pictured, my blackout curtains, or my TV/makeshift desk area.

Saturday, February 18, 2017

First dose effects.

My new medicine arrived approximately 3:30pm. I took it immediately, and made note that I'm supposed to take it a half hour before food and putzed around on my phone for a half hour. Then I had a serving of hummus and 6 grain crackers.

About 5pm, I started to feel different. I described it via text to a friend like this:

"I think the Ritalin is making me more chatty. (We'd been back and forth for few hours intermittently but my input spiked about 5pm)

It sort of feels like... controlled mania? Less impulse, more drive?

It's kind of an alien feeling. Being able to focus on more than one thought without feeling like I'm running down a trail taking every fork.

My anxiety is a bit spiked because I have literally never felt this way on my life so = scary, but I'm oddly calm at the same time?"

By that last text it was close to 6pm. I had in the period from 4-6pm done this, much of it simultaneously:

Picked a doll to take to the PieFive Meetup. Changed his clothes, changed his eyes, changed his wig. Made a short shopping list. Taken measurements for the floating shelves to be picked up at Ikea. Responded to some comments on Ravelry, responded to 3 other people via text. Restrung the arms on chosen doll, changing the hands which I noticed had some dye transfer from awhile back. Got dressed. Drank a bottle of water. Prepped the last of morning doses for this week with my morning doses of Ritalin, and put my school doses for the week in my carry with pill box. Checked Facebook, actually posted replies on Facebook, posted an actual status message.

That is more productivity in two short hours than I have had since my last big manic swing and none of it was self destructive.

I went on to power through a Meetup with Mom and local doll folks, a trip to Ikea for the floating shelves, arranging for Faythe to come over to help me hang the shelves, and actually taking photos and interacting socially at the Meetup.

I am utterly exhausted as I HAVE BEEN, but I managed to do what has been WEEKS worth of things in 2 hours at home and 3 out and about. That is beyond huge.

Now I hope beyond hope to sleep like the dead until morning. Tomorrow  (Saturday) I have lots of prep to do before those shelves can go up AND school work. Sunday will be set aside exclusively for rest. 

Thursday, February 16, 2017

New temporary (?) Medication

So, my doctor thinks my pain is related to stress. He wants to try a low dose stimulant to help me get through school and if that doesn't work, alter my anxiety regimen. I was concerned he meant lower but he actually meant a higher dose or something in addition to what I take. So starting tomorrow I'll be on 10mg Ritalin daily for a month to try and help me focus for school. The pharmacy has to order it because it's a lower dose than they generally stock.

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Still alive I guess.

It's taken me longer than usual to get things synced up with the new phone.

Thanks to Mom and eldest sis, I have a fully functional phone again, through Sprint on the family plan that eldest sister already has in place. I've been slowly shifting information and contacts from my wifi only phone to my new phone.

In addition to new phone I also received a free with coupon Samsung smart TV, because we purchased through BestBuy. I set that up and have set aside my older perfectly good TV to set up for movies in the studio for Mom and me.

I'm struggling with what feels like a nonstop migraine loop which is less intensely painful than the 9 month one but I think it's  close to 2 full months now, so there's that.

I'm also struggling to keep up with my online coursework. I'm so behind. :( This migraine is not making that easier.

I'm otherwise well I guess. 

Saturday, February 4, 2017

New Phone, surprise bonus TV.

I accidentally stayed up all night. I accidentally slept in all morning Friday so I guess I shouldn't be terribly surprised but it's no less an unpleasant surprise.

Let's see, I've had a busy few days. Wednesday evening Mom and I went to a local Sprint store to see about a family plan for just the two of us, as the one she's been on with my eldest sister was up for renewal and said sister had expressed interest in perhaps looking at different options to save money. After waiting about an hour and hearing from a customer that they had been there for THREE hours, we made a discreet exit and I remembered and voiced to Mom, that Bestbuy has phones and can generally do plans with the big companies, and why not head there, since they were not about to close and would be more likely to have enough people to help us.

This ended up being the best option. It turned out that eldest sis was in a Sprint store elsewhere sorting out a phone and some contract details, and we were able to coordinate with her and add me to the plan. Mom put the deposit on a phone for me (my old phone is not Spring compatible, though still functional), and we ended up walking out incredibly pleased with the service, and with a coupon for a free TV (under $200). We came back next night to buy a protective case for phone (shuffling of funds made it impractical to do so at time of purchase) and had another employee help us to find a TV that fit the "free" description of the coupon. We left with a nice solid Otterbox case for my new Samsung Galaxy S7, and a 32inch Smart Samsung TV, which I set up today shortly after I woke up. Er, today being Friday, since I've not slept.

Plans for today proper (Saturday) are to meet up with eldest sis and Faythe in Carrolton for our monthly quilt block club and quick chat. After that I will be confirming some things to help a friend with the most recent Volks lottery.

I am hoping to get some sleep before we drive out to Carrolton, and I am hoping to be able to finish the computer things early on, as I am knackered.

I'm sure there is something else important to share but I can't recall what it is right now. Those of you who have had my number in the past, give me a poke, and I'll text you. Some of my contacts didn't transfer, because I didn't want to transfer all of my games (and risk using up all the shared data from the family plan) and am using my old phone (Samsung Galaxy S6) as a pocket tablet for gaming exclusively.

Oh and in setting up the new TV, I set aside the older one (still functioning quite nicely) and swapped my DVD/VHS player with Mom, since she was a bit aggravated with the programming of hers. At some point in the not too far future they will be put to use in the studio so that when inclined we can comfortably watch a movie or two together. :)

Monday, January 30, 2017

A flurry of activity.

I tried casting on Link's stocking hat from some yarn I had set aside for exactly that, and after 14 rows frogged it. I didn't like the yarn for this once it knit up. I didn't like the increase the pattern used.

So, I decided to shift things around so I could access the yarn stored under my bed. This turned into a 3 hour SORT ALL THE THINGS but I must say I feel incredibly satisfied at the end.

I reorganized both the under bed storage and the bookshelf. I sorted through most of my school work and paperwork from last school year and what I have for this one. I dug out two Halloween candy bowls worth of yarn to play with. One bowl is labelled skeins and one is remnant balls.

I also dug out Epona, who has been sitting in her box on the bookshelf. At some point after spring break she will be carefully disassembled, washed gently but thoroughly, and maybe given blushing and/or painting.

While I was under the bed I pulled out some fabric to make Link some trousers, and tucked that into my sewing box.

The folding table that I use as a desk is covered but organized. In a moment I'll decide where to put Epona, the yarn, my home school work, and then I may organize something else.

All week I've been depressed to the point of completely apathetic but my frustration with knowing what I wanted to do for the hat put enough of a crack on it that I made myself start digging out yarn. Doing that gave me drive to sort out some odds and ends the had gotten beneath the bed. Then I starting just putting things away.

Mom has been tackling boxes on the living room over the weekend and it resulted in a clearer happier living room and a crabby Rory because Mom had legitimately useful things for me and every time I turned around having cleared my makeshift desk there was something new to put away.

I did find the words to ask her to please not just put it on my bed or on the school space I'd made, and it all smoothed out quickly. Now I have borderline ambition, and I will finally give myself the haircut I desperately need, and hopefully be able to sleep WELL.

I've been in truly awful headspace for at least a week and this feels like a bit of relief, hopefully not intermittent.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Terrible Migraine

Yesterday I woke about 9am from a strange anxiety dream in which I could not find a clean or undamaged restroom. The thing that actually woke me was a background conversation in the dream where one party casually said to another that my struggle to find a clean and serviceable restroom reminded them to never trust a restroom in your dreams. I was up and stumbling down the hall before I was even half conscious.

After a moment I realized I was in massive blinding pain as consciousness set in, and I found myself in the dark restroom lit by only a night light, which felt insanely bright. I could also hear the fan ticking in the next room, dogs barking, and someone doing yard work a couple of houses away. Generally with the restroom door closed I might hear the fan if the house is completely empty, but not the rest of it.

I realized to my horror that I had a migraine about as intense as the one that lasted 9 months and had me wishing for a swift death. I took my medication, stumbled around in the kitchen and made instant mashed potatoes and lay down with an ice pack over my eyes. I was awake for about two hours as I carefully ate, took meds and vitamins and tried to gauge my trigger(s) for this awful thing.

I woke a little after 5pm still in agony. I got absolutely nothing done for school or online courses. If it had been today there would be more swearing. There was no way to push through that monster. It's still lingering but I medicated first thing this morning and and did as much preparatory self care as possible.

I have class at 12:30 which goes to lab straight after and I should be done by 5pm. Unless I hear from Logan, my plan is to bus home and go straight to bed.

I'm behind on my online coursework so yesterday is frustrating but there is nothing for it. Tomorrow I'll do my best to catch up but I suspect one of my triggers was sitting at the computer with the headset on grinding through school work for about 5 hours without a proper break. There is so much work to do that it takes that kind of grinding.

This does not bode well for my online courses. No more online courses.

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Inexpensive Retail Therapy

Mom and I needed some out and abouting, so we went to two of the Daiso (Japanese dollar stores) in the area and found some nice goodies.

Mom picked up some chairs and benches for the yo-scaled dolls, and some tiny little dog statuettes suited more for Pukifee. She got some other bits and bobs but we had specifically gone out to get two more of a kind of doll scaled chair we found there several weeks back, and we had good luck.

I got this:

First a sketch pad with ladybugs on the front, 100 pages. Also two different paperboard boxes for doll accessory storage, one with a London theme, and one with nesting dolls and little flowers on the lid. There is a yellow mid-century style chair, a realistic fake plant, tiny paperboard chest of drawers (also elephant themed), and a waterproof elephant themed tote. At checkout I got some Hello Panda snacks and on the way home a large box of cheese crackers.

I like these cardboard boxes for doll clothes and shoes etc. They are relatively sturdy and much prettier than a bunch of plastic bins. Eventually I would like to get some floating shelves to put the dolls on stands, and I would put the decorative boxes on top of the dresser where the dolls have been sitting since I got the dresser.

I love going into Daiso. I always find something neat and everything I got today was $1.50 or less, except for the cheese crackers which I bought at Kroger on the way home.

All in all I think it was quite a pleasant day out. I really needed the getting out of the house NOT FOR SCHOOL, and Mom was looking in particular for two more of the chairs (which we found) for a table set she pieced together last time we went to Daiso, scaled to the Yo-sd crowd.

The rest of my weekend and Monday will be dedicated to plugging along in my online coursework, and Tuesday and Thursday are on campus school days. This was a really nice sanity break, and all told I spent less than $20 at Daiso (combined from both stores), so it didn't break the bank either.

About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.