Saturday, January 21, 2017

Inexpensive Retail Therapy

Mom and I needed some out and abouting, so we went to two of the Daiso (Japanese dollar stores) in the area and found some nice goodies.

Mom picked up some chairs and benches for the yo-scaled dolls, and some tiny little dog statuettes suited more for Pukifee. She got some other bits and bobs but we had specifically gone out to get two more of a kind of doll scaled chair we found there several weeks back, and we had good luck.

I got this:

First a sketch pad with ladybugs on the front, 100 pages. Also two different paperboard boxes for doll accessory storage, one with a London theme, and one with nesting dolls and little flowers on the lid. There is a yellow mid-century style chair, a realistic fake plant, tiny paperboard chest of drawers (also elephant themed), and a waterproof elephant themed tote. At checkout I got some Hello Panda snacks and on the way home a large box of cheese crackers.

I like these cardboard boxes for doll clothes and shoes etc. They are relatively sturdy and much prettier than a bunch of plastic bins. Eventually I would like to get some floating shelves to put the dolls on stands, and I would put the decorative boxes on top of the dresser where the dolls have been sitting since I got the dresser.

I love going into Daiso. I always find something neat and everything I got today was $1.50 or less, except for the cheese crackers which I bought at Kroger on the way home.

All in all I think it was quite a pleasant day out. I really needed the getting out of the house NOT FOR SCHOOL, and Mom was looking in particular for two more of the chairs (which we found) for a table set she pieced together last time we went to Daiso, scaled to the Yo-sd crowd.

The rest of my weekend and Monday will be dedicated to plugging along in my online coursework, and Tuesday and Thursday are on campus school days. This was a really nice sanity break, and all told I spent less than $20 at Daiso (combined from both stores), so it didn't break the bank either.

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

First Day(s) of Spring Semester 2017

First day of school was long. I had my regular visit with my Doctor first as that just happened to be the day we had scheduled it. My blood pressure was high (usually this is not a problem for me) and between weather blowing in, and stress over school I triggered a migraine first thing in the morning.

Because I am me, I had my medication with me and took it as soon as the car stopped moving in the college parking lot. My hands shake quite a bit sometimes and I didn't want to throw pills all over the truck.

I was able to pick up my schoolbooks but one was listed as back-ordered (which I found out is not the case) and one it turns out the teacher doesn't use. So, first thing tomorrow after squeezing in for Math testing, I will be exchanging that book for the one I need (which IS in stock) and canceling the order for the one that is listed as back-ordered, as well as picking up a pack of scantrons for Geology labs.

Oh and after school I went with Mom to Knit Night in Grand Prairie for the first time since Thanksgiving-ish. I got to see people I've missed but the trip all the way out to Arlington from Garland and back is exhausting when compounded with everything else of the day, and I'm not even the driver. :P 

Today I have dedicated to trying to get my online classes appropriately started, saved the syllabus for each, looked at scheduling etc.

I got the Music access key in easily and set that up. It looks like I am required to attend a classical music concert and write a paper about it for this course in order to pass. I wish I had known that, as I don't really have the financial flexibility to buy concert tickets. Ugh. I'll work something out of course.

I went to register my key with the course for German and found that the key from my brand new shrink-wrapped book had an error of "already been used" much to my horror. I sent an e-mail off to the book company as instructed in the setup instructions that come with the key, and took a nap because I was just DONE. When I woke I saw a response and sent off pictures of my receipt, my name, name of college, photo of the key card etc., so that they could verify my purchase.

A MIRACLE OCCURS! As I was writing this, I got the response from the book company and they have confirmed my purchase and sent me a new access key. Blessedly, I was able to get it resolved with the book company in less than an hour from their original reply.

So, now I'm going to get that set up, tackle today's German activity and figure out what I want to eat in short order.

Today has been almost as exhausting as yesterday but once things are set up, they are done, and it's just a matter of keeping up with course work so at least at this point all I need to do is school work.

ETA: My German textbook is the wrong damned edition. I've opened the book and redeemed the key and it's not compatible with the course. ALSO, the course is not free form as original described and I have a strict schedule to follow with no resource with which to do so. *high pitched screaming*

Friday, January 13, 2017

Stressing over school part (??)

I was all set to write that things had settled down nicely and then yesterday I had another meltdown.

Mom and I got a student bank account set up at a local chain for myself, mainly for FAFSA to drop whatever is left over after tuition and books into. Small hang up yesterday was that we couldn't get the e-statements set up, and that was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Today I was able to get that sorted out quickly and found an e-mail re-confirming FAFSA but also confirming student loans (that I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR OR APPROVE) which I will be sorting out before my first class and after my doctor appointment Tuesday morning. Ugh.

This evening I ordered my books for pickup at the school and the lab book for Geology is back-ordered but I'm not as concerned about that as I maybe should be. I expect I will have resources intended for use knowing that books are sometimes back-ordered at the start of class.

My German and Music class are both online and I'm told I need a microphone or microphone headset for online labs for German, so we'll be looking at those and seeing if I can find a reasonably priced one (less than $30?) for use for school.

I'm hoping I can get buy with my built in microphone on my laptop for a little while at least.

I'm tired. Mom is also very probably tired. I'm irritable and trying really really hard not to be so with Mom, with mixed results. Non of the complications are her fault, and nothing is the direct fault of the school but I feel that Murphy's law is at work and it's driving me crazy(crazier).

I have been in a perpetual state of high stress since October and it's wearing on me, and Mom I expect. I just want to go to school and move on with my life. This should not be so difficult.

Friday, January 6, 2017

I am absolutely not okay.

I had a really ..unusual start to my day yesterday. I was awake (barely) as Mom was preparing to head out the door. Jan 5th was final deadline for paying for classes and school website is saying both that my financial aid is fine, and also that I have not been awarded financial aid. I did everything I could think of to sort it out, and Mom said something kind of off hand about how I seemed to be giving up on school, and I flipped out.

Not at her. I just, short-circuited. I printed every single confirmation from Fafsa directly, from the school, from my emails, printed them all off, and we went down to the school. Mom remarked (while I was in this meltdown frenzy) that I at least seemed to be fighting for it. That stung. I was unable to articulate anything at the time. At the school they said there was nothing they could do but put a notice to hold my place in the classes I registered for until Jan 13th pending financial aid award. It's not an extension, it doesn't offer any real protection, it's essentially a digital post it saying that financial aid is still being processed. This seemed to be enough for Mom to feel that something was different.

I broke down the rest of the way. I cried in the car on the way home. I could not articulate anything. I took my medicine and stayed in bed unable to communicate. Woke in the evening, still broken, took my next dose of antibiotic, and went back to bed.

I don't know how to discuss what happened. It should probably be discussed, as this is the second time an offhand remark intended to.. reassure? Inspire action? I don't know, has caused a complete and total meltdown, in which nothing actually changes other than my mental health taking a huge leap off a cliff.

I am not much more functional today than yesterday. I feel angry and hurt, not specifically at Mom, and I also feel inadequate and vulnerable and want to hide in a bunker with a huge metal spikes around it.

Attempts to communicate have been challenging, and I am not expecting a vast change in that any time soon. Socially speaking this is an enormous leap backwards in progress.

Monday, January 2, 2017

Upper Respiratory Infection to ring in the new year.

I thought I caught a cold at Christmas. Maybe. What I definitely have now is an upper respiratory infection. I expressed my concerns that this might be the case last night to Mom, and we agreed if my doctor's office was open we'd try to get seen today. His office was indeed open, and he had an opening at 10am, so I went and he confirmed my diagnosis (I've had them before I knew the symptoms), and after a short stop for ice cream, and at the pharmacy I'm home and in short order will be taking a much needed nap.

For the last several days I've been treating my "cold" with sudafed, airborne, lots of water, and rest. Most of my sleep has been in 1-2 hour bursts where I wake up feeling like I haven't slept, and my throat is on fire.

Mom feared strep (which I am immune to, but CAN be a carrier for) so we did elimination testing for that. She was visibly relieved when we were told it was definitely not strep.

I'm on a mid-level dose of antibiotics, because when I had bi-lateral pneumonia in June 2015, I was on SUPER INTENSE IV antibiotics and now my body laughs at the basic tier stuff.

While we were out and about we stopped at Half Price Books where Mom picked up a new journal, and then went to a pharmacy (not MY pharmacy) where she attempted to transfer her medications because her insurance is no longer playing with her pharmacy of choice for 20 years. While we were there, I got the flu shot because my doctor does not offer it in office, and then we found out at my pharmacy we could have done it there for cheaper. Well now we know for next year.

At this point I'm waiting for Mom to return from picking up a Lego set for me at Walmart that was an irresistible sale price online (almost half-price), which put it just within my reach. I gave Mom my cash, set up the order, and she paid with her card, and is now retrieving it from the store, since it was a pay online, pick up in store deal. 

I really want a nap, but so does Mom, so I'm going to wait for her return because I feel it would be unfair for me to go to sleep while all she has wanted was a nap since about 10:30 this morning. So, in trying not to be a jerk, I will wait for her return, thank her for her assistance again, and encourage her to nap, while I prepare to do the same.

Monday, December 26, 2016

First Christmas in Texas in over a decade?

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas, for those who celebrate it, and a nice break in general for everyone.

Mine was blessedly drama-free. I was a little nervous after Thanksgiving ending in tears but Christmas was fine. The only hangup was when Mom and I attempted to make scratch queso-dip and botched it. Christmas dinner was TexMex, and we ended up bringing ginger cookies since the queso was a fail.

Mom and I stayed up Christmas Eve and opened our gifts just after midnight. Logan gave me some cute/fun pokemon themed gifts, and Mom gave me chocolate and a cute gnome she made.

I just realized this afternoon that this is the first Christmas since I received my first Lego set when I was 10, that I have not gotten Legos for Christmas at all. I wasn't expecting gifts at all, but in retrospect it's a weird place of disappointment. I don't feel like I should be upset, because I wasn't expecting anything, but it also doesn't feel like Christmas (or birthday) without Legos. I might have to poke around and see if I can find an inexpensive set that I like. This quiet down-time is usually spent building or playing with my new Lego set or sets so I feel kind of at odds.

I couldn't sleep Christmas Eve (stress?) so as soon as we got home from Fort Worth I took my evening meds and went straight to bed. I slept I think 12 hours and spent a little time reading a webcomic Faythe was telling me about, and then decided to check in online.

Anyway, Mom's cooking up dinner and I feel like being companionable, so I'm gonna go see what help I can be.

I hope that everyone had a pleasant and drama-free day of it.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

I slept a few hours and dreamt of Gods and Dragons.

I wasn't able to get any sleep before my doctor's appointment but it went okay. I calmed down enough (reading over at Archive of Our Own) that I was able to mostly articulate clearly from what Mom said. I have little memory of it. The appointment was 8am.

We discussed my head trauma (I seem to be fine at this point), my persistent and aggressive migraines, my Reynauds-like symptoms, and potential treatment for all of the above.

Dr M has tentatively doubled my dose of imitrex. Our thoughts are take a full dose at onset, take a half-dose if I need more. This would not only stretch out my medication, but it should hopefully kill this month long migraine. It has a better chance of it than what I'm doing now which is taking the bare minimum of medication every 3 days or so to take the edge off. I had to make my meds stretch, so basically I couldn't properly dose, or I'd be out in less than a week.

I also know in theory what needs to be done at school. I will have to go up to campus very soon and plug through talking to financial aid, reassessing with an advisor, tweaking schedule, and talking with financial aid again to confirm that it will work. This is a huge headache even without the stupid migraine. It's necessary though, so it will be done.

I'm doing to be flipping exhausted by the start of school in January if I'm scrambling like this the whole stupid time.

Anxiety attack at 2am.

I have an early doctor's appointment (regular check-up) and went to bed at a reasonable time so of COURSE I can't sleep. I think this happened last month before my visit too.

I'm a bit aggravated by this. I've been trying all my usual "time to sleep" tricks, turning off the lights, getting comfortable, familiarizing myself with the night noises, but my brain is on hyper alert. I've had a migraine pretty much non-stop minus a few hours here and there for I think a month.

What is keeping me from sleeping right now? I keep settling into bare consciousness and hearing a plastic bag rustling. The plastic liner in my little trash can is not touching the fan blowing at low speed. There are no stray plastic bags in the hall, and Mom's light is OFF which tells me she is not playing with plastic bags at 2am.

Best guess as to actual noise? Audio feedback. I've been having issues translating speech today, noise only. I've been able to read and respond to text, but spoken word has been that strange noise I can't quite decipher. My brain feels like it's got an electrical fire going and is stuck in a bucket of mud simultaneously. The mud slows down processing but does nothing to alleviate the lightning storm in my mind.

I could scream. I just wanted to get a couple hours of sleep so I don't look as crappy as I feel when I see the doctor. I don't like going to see a doctor when I look as crappy as I feel. It's depressing, and it tends to throw off my sense of self. I have a hard time feeling like anyone should take me seriously when I feel and look like hell.

I'm beginning to feel frantic about school. When I got my classes signed up, there was an issue with FAFSA. The government website says I'm fine, so I need to go back to the school and try to figure out if it's a matter of trying to take too many credit hours or what.

I was told that not attending in Fall should not affect my eligibility for Spring semester and I'm going to be really angry and upset if I find that my transcripts getting lost in the mail the first time, shot me in the foot for attending this particular school. I'm running out of time to get it sorted. I need to tweak the schedule I set up even if FAFSA is fine, because the class times are not what I thought I was signing up for. I can do the course load but not the weird hour set up that I have going right now.

This seemed so much easier at TCC (Virginia). I went in, I signed up for courses, I could get to the school on my own (via bus OR walking), and all the offices I needed were easy to find. The staff seemed friendlier too. I just REALLY need this. I need to not feel like a complete screw-up. I need this to work out. I don't think I have time to try and get into a backup school, and I wouldn't know where to look right now honestly. I don't want to be left twisting in the wind, and if I can't get this sorted for Spring semester, I can't attend this school at all, ever. They will put a permanent irreversible block on my record for something in the vein of failure to get myself together.

I want to scream, cry, sleep for a month. I want this damned migraine to end. I want Christmas to be over. I can't handle all of this.

Sunday, December 11, 2016

I accidentally gave myself a concussion today.

I had migraine going, and ducked my head into the fridge to grab something (I think a soda, needed caffeine), and cracked my head audibly on the freezer door when I stood up, thinking I was clear. I stood there a second just internally screaming in pain and then felt violently sick.

I ended up sitting down but upright and my sister Faythe who has been over for the weekend fetched me an icepack, my nausea meds, and some ibuprofen to get the knot that was forming to hopefully settle down.

Seeing stars when you already have a migraine sucks. Not being able to go to sleep while having a migraine also sucks. I’m waiting for my pupils to return to normal and my symptoms to lessen before I even consider sleep. Right now I’ve got the ice pack again and am poking at the internet and gaming stuff in low light but with my contacts in so I remember that I can’t go to sleep yet.

Also, I did get my school schedule sorted out I think. The times are a little weird but coordinating my schedule was challenging since as a transfer student I can't set it up myself the first time.

Also apparently I need to re-apply for FAFSA because I wasn't able to attend the school this Fall, so it zeroed out or something. In theory it's an easy fix. I WILL get it sorted, and I WILL be attending school this Spring damnit.

So, I guess I will go fight with the FAFSA website now, and go ahead and set up my 2017-2018 FAFSA as well while I'm at it.

Friday, December 9, 2016

School prep.

It's a bit startling when I scroll through my Facebook feed after updating or changing my profile picture and my initial response is "who the hell is that?!".

I'm in that place where I don't recognize myself in photos very well but the mirror isn't throwing me off much.

If I recall correctly I experienced this to a similar degree, roughly three months ago also.

Tomorrow I get to go up to the school and sort out Spring semester, student ID, and some other sundry details. I will also theoretically get to spend some time with Logan, which will be nice.

I'm aiming for a 12 credit hour Spring semester, preferably 2 or 3 days per week so I have time between classes to work on my assignments.

It's supposed to be about 26F tomorrow morning when I'm planning to head out so I dug out a hat, gloves, and some thermals.

About Me

My photo
I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.