Long, kind of ranty.

On Wednesday (the 24th) I woke up to a text message from Nick.

"hey dont ask me for anymore help! I bent over backwards to get you home then you bash me on your stupid lj! I got in a ton of trouble to get you home. Nick"

I tried to call him, and I texted him. I don't remember what I said on the voicemail but I doubt he listened to it. This is what I sent back via text.

"I didn't bash you. Re-read it. I expressed understandable frustration about you having a pregnant girlfriend. I've defended you to my family. Goggle smiting, was me mis-hearing my Mom. I want to talk to you about it."

I haven't heard anything since. I'm not really expecting to. This happened to coincide with the router dying. I couldn't get online to e-mail or anything. I'm currently on a pirated internet signal from one of the neighbors. It's really weak so it comes and goes.

My first response was completely illogical. I wasn't thinking very clearly at all, just blindly panicked, since Nick was supposed to be giving me $2000 from his re-enlistment bonus, when it came. That's how I was going to get my stuff home from Virginia. So my first thought was panic, and then thinking that I had to somehow get back to Virginia. That's not going to change anything. He was still able to ignore me with me being IN Virginia. So being back in the same zipcode means squat.

I'm going to try to remind him that not speaking to me, is not conducive to me wanting to sign his damned divorce papers. It's not that I want to remain married to him. Far from it. I just want it to be over with. But I need to get my stuff out of Virginia, and I can't do it on my own. If he wants me to give him his divorce, he better be willing to talk to me, at least until it's over.

I'm far from the point of wanting to try and stay friends. I'm through with trying to keep things easy for him. Seriously. My coming home was for my Dad. I thought (my whole family thought) that he was going to die. He's stable right now, in a nursing home, within a stones' throw of Bonnie's place, but when I was freaking out, it was just as bad as I thought it was.

I was going to wait, if it weren't for Dad, until I had things properly sorted out, before I came back to Texas. I was hoping to be home by October (and look, here I am), but not under these circumstances.

I'm angry at myself for still being so strongly affected by him, but I've been in a massive funk since Wednesday, and was feeling a bit better this evening, thanks to my sis Nekokoi, and her Fiance visiting me, until I caught up on my friendslist on livejournal and everyone is doing really badly. I'm really sorry that everything is going wrong right now. I hope things get sorted out for everyone soon, and things start to look up.