Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Earnán the Phoenix

I've ordered my Beyla boy's wig and eyes. I settled on the pale blue eyes, and I've gotten a feel for who he might be.



His name is Earnán, and he is a Phoenix. Earnán translates to "Little Experienced One", which I think is appropriate for a Phoenix. And if I end up bored with his look, I can just redo it. I figure he regenerates a bit like The Doctor. :B No two incarnations need be the same.

I'd like to paint a Phoenix on his chest or back, but I'm having a hard time narrowing down exactly what position I want to use.

I should have both the eyes, and wig, in hand by Friday, which is when I'm hoping to re-do his faceup and maybe sketch out his markings. I'm wanting a more serious face, than the soft little baby face he's got with the current faceup, that was Moonbeam.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Eww. I like the idea of someone being into me, but not like that.

I had the weirdest/creepiest experience at work today. My voice is a bit husky right now, feels like I'm losing it, though I don't know why, and I've been a bit short of breath, so most of my conversation has been in hushed tones, soft and husky, rather than a normal speaking tone.

I had a man come in with some gold to sell. I have a buyer's license but not a jeweler's license, so I can quote which consists of testing the metal, weighing the piece(s), and quoting a price, but the final buy has to be done by someone with the correct license. Well my manager was finishing a gold buy for another customer so I started looking at the customer's pieces.

The guy is eyeing K, (pretty girl, the one from my birthday post, who is just a head) and her ring and asks if she's married. She replies in the affirmative, specifying that she is engaged, and then excuses herself to get money from the safe for the buy. He then turns to me, and asks me if I'm gay. I'm a little surprised but tell him yes, I'm gay.

He licks his lips, and starts eyeing me like a piece of meat, saying that he knew from my soft sweet voice that I had to be a wildcat, and asked if I was attracted to him. I told him that I wouldn't mind a conversation but that he wasn't my type, trying not to be rude. He told me I'd change my mind after a couple of drinks.

Then K came back, and I was standing there a bit baffled. She finished the buy and said we both needed a shower after that. Apparently she and C were watching and listening on the monitor in the back, and were equally creeped out.

C said that I should have completely outed myself, and see what he'd say, but the way he was eyeing everyone I don't that would have been enough to scare him off. And honestly he was exactly the sort I wouldn't want to disclose to, because I have no idea what he would do.

Sunday, July 22, 2012

Moonbeam is no longer.

So, little Moonbeam just isn't speaking to me as Moonbeam anymore. I've removed her fluffy dark wig, and slapped a short red mohair wig on him. The body is gender neutral but the doll is saying Boy!

No idea yet who he is. I have in mind this wig:

Which I plan to purchase with the Denver Doll Emporium giftcard Mom got me for my birthday. And for eyes I'm considering these three.
 
They're inexpensive enough I'll probably get all three pairs and see which I like best once I have them and the wig on hand.

And in the meantime I will be going over names and seeing what sticks or stands out. :] Once I've got that and the wig/eyes sorted, I'll see whether I need to re-do his faceup.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Some interesting things. (I think)

I've been meaning to write a post better documenting all the changes and experiences I've had, but I never seem to have the focus or energy.

It should be noted that I pass about 90% of the time. I'm on the short side, and my voice isn't like super-crazy-deep. What confuses me is that I tend to read as straight male most of the time.


I consistently get women twirling their hair, playing with their lips, and other flirty cues when I'm in the buy shop and they're trying to get a better deal. Then there's the confusing aspect of lesbians hitting on me. No idea what's going on with that. I'm rocking a full beard, and they aren't using female pronouns when they talk to me, or say something to a co-worker, so I don't know if they're picking up that I'm gay, or it's a crossed wire or what.

There is also a customer who I've helped many times over the 10 months I've worked at cash converters, who will use female pronouns then correct herself saying "I don't know why I do that EVERY time, I'm sorry."

There was also a presumptuous and pushy woman who came in to sell her (ex?)boyfriend's videogames. She felt that no one should play video games, if they are older than like 5, and then said something along the lines of "but of course you're too smart to be preoccupied with something as silly as videogames, and I'd bet you don't ignore your girlfriend for xbox." And I responded "Well I don't have a girlfriend, and actually I still love videogames, have all my original systems and games and play them regularly." And she kind of stared for a minute, then rolled her eyes and left.

And then today I was getting to know a new co-worker, and mentioned that I had been a military dependant, and the new guy asked what my wife had done in the Navy. Without making a huge deal of it, I said "He was a fire controlman actually, my exhusband."

And then in complete contrast to that, we have one of the rudest most offensive customers I've ever had. He was mad that he had to wait in line for one. I was in the buyshop, had about 8 people waiting, was the only person on that side, as is usual with how undermanned we are, and he tried to jump line as soon as he walked in, asking me to quote a price on a mac. I told him I'd have to see it(cause he didn't bother to bring it in with him), and that there was a line. He got angry and asked if there was anyone else. I told him, "Nope, just me. :]" So he goes and gets it, and some xbox games, and waits. I finally get to him, quote a price, that he didn't like, and start to look at the condition of the games.

The process for that is, open the case, flip the disc, assess the scratches, close the case. I do that for each game/movie/etc that I buy. So I go through, check discs, put the ones I can take in one stack, and the others in the box he brought them in. He snaps after about 5 discs and says "FORGET IT!" and I ask "I'm sorry? Forget about the games?" and he snaps "GET OUT OF MY F*****G FACE"

And I blink, "Uh, you can't talk to me like that." He says he can talk however he wants. "Then you can take your things and leave". So he then calls me a queer looking queer-ass f****t. And I repeat "You can't talk like that in here." I do have other customers in the store, one of whom has a toddler with them. So he shouts more offensive language on the way out, slamming into the door as hard as he can and flipping me off on the way out.


So I peg some people as gay, apparently, but overall people seem to read me as a straight man. Like the guys what bought me shots on my birthday (that I barely remember). They were highfiving me for hanging out with the hot chicks(my co-workers).

I don't think I LOOK particularly gay, but you tell me!


That said I will now mention some of the noticeable changes from the last two years.

I've grown two inches in height. Which incidentally is NOT a common side effect, and by all rights shouldn't have happened. It's not "supposed" to be possible for someone who is 29 years old to grow. Theoretically my growth plates should have closed. I know one other person with my condition who has also grown as a direct result of testosterone treatment. I was told it does NOT happen, NOT to expect it, and in fact that it was impossible. My doctors are baffled (and a bit jealous, as they're both short men), but have promised to make inquiries.

My weight is 240, about 10 pounds lighter than I was two years ago, but I've gone down 4 inches in the waist, and 2 sizes in shirts. I'm significantly smaller in size, but taller and more proportional. My hands have grown. I've gone up 2 ring sizes. My feet have not grown that I have noticed, but they've always been tiny. In regards to weight I was told that ALL FTM put on weight, and that I needed to lose it before on was on testosterone too long or it would be about impossible. However all of the weight I've lost, has happened later into my treatment.

I've also noticed that both my legs and arms have slimmed down quite a bit, in that they aren't much bigger than Osaka's or Ringos. I'm still kind of chunky, but most of it is in my torso now. And I've noticed that my chest is actually getting smaller. Proportionally it's about the same as it was, but if I were still wearing a bra, I think I'd be about an E now, rather than a JJ.


I still have a ways to go, to get to where I want to be, both in weight and shape, but I think I'll be reasonably happy with my body if I can get down to 200 or thereabouts, pre-chest surgery. Then I should be done, and can focus on all the mundane things in my life.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

This is why I don't drink much.

So my actual birthday was pretty nice. :] Or at least, what I can remember. I woke up LATE (like noon) then spent the afternoon paying bills and running errands, which was necessary. Osaka was a great sport running around with me. Ringo was a bit of a pain, but he did eventually get himself together.

And then in the evening I went out with several of my co-workers to Ambush (our semi-regular bar) and then after that we went to a place called Scandals. I remember leaving Ambush after paying my tab. I remember arriving at Scandals and hearing an AMAZING live band. I remember snippets of interaction with some friendly strangers who bought some birthday shots, but after that I was just suddenly aware of being home and in the shower.

I don't drink often, or heavily, and while I know I had fun, I wish I could remember more of it, and I think I will not be drinking like that next birthday (or ever again). I generally have one or two, and done, when I do indulge.

I took my camera and K, took a photo of us. :]

Thursday, July 12, 2012

It's my birthday and I'll whine if I want to.

So I've been having minor (or not so minor) fits about turning 29. Partly because I continue to be vain to a ridiculous degree, and partly because I was hoping to somehow, by some miracle, have had my chest surgery by this birthday. My personal deadline is by 30, but I wanted it done by 29, if possible.

I've had other, fabulous progress. My beard has come along very nicely, over the last year, I'm fully socially transitioned, and I'm not far from having my name legally changed. I meant to do that earlier in the year (like 7 months ago) but I had drama to contend with, that has continued well into the year and shows no sign of stopping.

I have this every year though, now that I'm creeping out of my twenties, and I don't feel young and pretty anymore. I'm outwardly cocky and flirtatious, but inside I'm terrified and self-conscious. That's one of the reasons I'm not dating. That, and the person I would like to be dating, is half a world away.

So I have insomnia, and anxiety attacks usually for the entire week leading up to my birthday. This year I have the bonus of daily migraines, with the higher stress level, and elevated testosterone making me more prone.

So, hooray birthday in theory, because that's always been the one day I don't feel at all guilty making it all about me, but boo on stress.

Saturday (my actual birthday, July 14th) I will be doing errands early in the day, and then plan to bum around the house and eat cake until I go out in the evening with co-workers and friends. I was going to be spending it with Wotan, Osaka, and Ringo, but Wotan's had to delay his trip out here to later in the month. So, I get to have a mini second birthday when he arrives. :]

Friday, July 6, 2012

Properly Introducing Orion

So my proper eyes for Orion arrived yesterday, but my camera battery was dead. So I charged it overnight and took photos today!




Upon seeing him with the eyes I'd envisioned, I think I may tweak his faceup a bit, and I'm inclined to pick up the paints I want to use, and do his whole body paintjob. It'll have to wait a bit, because I don't have much experience painting on a 3D surface, and I want it to look nice.

About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.