Mania

I shared this on Ravelry, Tuesday in my bipolar support group but I felt it was worth sharing elsewhere too.

"I was describing how Mania feels in my psych class this morning as a bees nest buzzing loudly, while juggling bowling balls and chainsaws that are on fire. It looks dangerous, it might feel exciting but overall it’s exhausting and we may end up badly hurt if we aren’t very careful. My teacher (retired psychologist) and my roommate agreed it was an apt description of how it feels."

Many people gloss over this aspect of the disorder because we GET SO MUCH DONE. We are capable of channeling inhuman amounts of energy for a brief period, our work output is greatly increased, our multitasking somehow works wonderfully, and when that Mania wears off many people find themselves having made dangerous and reckless decisions, ruined relationships, and losing their jobs because they can't maintain that inhuman pace they had while manic.

I have had many years to carefully cultivate a safety network, and practice impossible self control, and I am one of the lucky ones, because even though there is no medicine out there that helps my mania, I am alive, medicine compliant, and relatively healthy. While manic I still bother to go to work and/or school, despite lack of sleep and inability to adequately communicate.

I am lucky, and I am loved.