On the one hand, I have resolution which is an immense relief. On the other hand I didn't really realize how much raw emotion I have been holding back while waiting for resolution. I was perfectly calm, accepting, logical yesterday when I read the two letters from the employment commission, and then within an hour or so I promptly fell to pieces.
Triggered a migraine, cried a lot, and apologized a lot.
Then I went to bed early(ish) because I just couldn't handle being
awake/conscious anymore. I'm kind of here:
had been having a mild, pleasant day. I had a peaceful morning class in
psyche, attended an open mic session where my former English professor
played a couple of songs, and I took some photos for him, and then I
came home. Once I was.. not calm, but had the appearance of calm I threw
myself into pairing down the 114 photos I had taken into seven decent
photos, and sent them on to him.
I also finished sewing snaps on
a t-shirt for Robbie, and I have plans of doing more sewing today. I
don't want to interact with the internet. I may share photos of what I'm
making Robbie if I feel up to it, but I will probably avoid the
internet unless someone directly messages me or reaches out in a similar
I am incredibly depressed and distraught, and while
nothing has changed in the grand scheme of things, I am running out of
my medications, I have nothing in my bank account, and I am freaking out
about how we are going to feed ourselves for the next two months.
need to fill my script for levothyroxin 75mg daily, testosterone
cyponiate 200mg vial in 10 fl oz, clonazepam 2mg daily (1mg in the
morning, 1mg at night), I have about 70 doses left on my albuterol
sulfate (200 metered inhalations), and I need to fill my imitrex
(sumatriptan succinate 25mg) subscription, and my daily migraine
medicine gabapentin (100mg, twice daily). ALL of these need filled like
That adds up to about $280 in medication IF Walmart
pharmacy has any discounts going on the over $100 medications. Otherwise
it will be closer to $400, and we still need food. Some of these
medications are roughly a month's worth. The testosterone is about 3
months worth of medication, but I just happen to have a single dose
I went to bed kind of hoping that I wouldn't wake up, and
that is unacceptable. I just need to push through to end of May.
Breathe. Keep breathing. Take medicine until it runs out and hope that I
don't end up in the hospital.