Done. Gonna go hide and play with my dolls.

On the one hand, I have resolution which is an immense relief. On the other hand I didn't really realize how much raw emotion I have been holding back while waiting for resolution. I was perfectly calm, accepting, logical yesterday when I read the two letters from the employment commission, and then within an hour or so I promptly fell to pieces.

Triggered a migraine, cried a lot, and apologized a lot. Then I went to bed early(ish) because I just couldn't handle being awake/conscious anymore. I'm kind of here:


I had been having a mild, pleasant day. I had a peaceful morning class in psyche, attended an open mic session where my former English professor played a couple of songs, and I took some photos for him, and then I came home. Once I was.. not calm, but had the appearance of calm I threw myself into pairing down the 114 photos I had taken into seven decent photos, and sent them on to him.

I also finished sewing snaps on a t-shirt for Robbie, and I have plans of doing more sewing today. I don't want to interact with the internet. I may share photos of what I'm making Robbie if I feel up to it, but I will probably avoid the internet unless someone directly messages me or reaches out in a similar way.

I am incredibly depressed and distraught, and while nothing has changed in the grand scheme of things, I am running out of my medications, I have nothing in my bank account, and I am freaking out about how we are going to feed ourselves for the next two months.

I need to fill my script for levothyroxin 75mg daily, testosterone cyponiate 200mg vial in 10 fl oz, clonazepam 2mg daily (1mg in the morning, 1mg at night), I have about 70 doses left on my albuterol sulfate (200 metered inhalations), and I need to fill my imitrex (sumatriptan succinate 25mg) subscription, and my daily migraine medicine gabapentin (100mg, twice daily). ALL of these need filled like this week.

That adds up to about $280 in medication IF Walmart pharmacy has any discounts going on the over $100 medications. Otherwise it will be closer to $400, and we still need food. Some of these medications are roughly a month's worth. The testosterone is about 3 months worth of medication, but I just happen to have a single dose left.

I went to bed kind of hoping that I wouldn't wake up, and that is unacceptable. I just need to push through to end of May. Breathe. Keep breathing. Take medicine until it runs out and hope that I don't end up in the hospital.