Re-vamped the Blog.

I've channeled all my nervous energy and such, into beautifying my family blog. I finally replaced my super vain banner from before. Now I've got this beauty up there. I also re-named it from the very boring "Rorek's Journal" to "The Cupcake Club". The latter is what I'm calling my commissions/designs/etc. So yes, that will be my working business name, be it for doll clothes, drawings, or whatever.

And I updated my 'About Me'. This is what it used to say:

"I collect and play with dolls, design and sew doll clothing. This journal is mainly for showcasing my sewing, and other creative attempts.

I rather enjoy crime dramas, such as the various Law and Order series, NCIS, and CSI. I also like anime, manga, and videogames, especially of the role-playing sort.

I'm currently in the process of a divorce from my husband of five years, and am attempting to get back to Texas where my family is. From there, I plan to go to college, to get my teaching degree. I'd like to specialize in History and teach on the Jr High through College level, but I won't know for certain until I get into the Student Teaching phase."

This is what it says now:

"Welcome to The Cupcake Club! This Journal is to showcase my crafts and designs. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior and architectural design, but I do most of that with programs like The Sims 2, with tons of custom content.

I also post about what's going on in my life, so at the moment you'll see alot of talk about my divorce, and the frustations that go along with that. You will also see the things I enjoy, be they sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I've only just started, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I'm twenty-five, seperated, currently living with my eldest sister, and working towards finding a job here in Texas, and then going to college to be a History Teacher.

My interests include the above, design, in most varieties, Anime, Manga, Crime Dramas, and videogames of various varieties. :3"

I think it sounds more put together. 8D Or maybe I'm just that off today. We'll see. Next I need to put together something sugary-sweet for a background image, that won't be too distracting from my goofy posts. Maybe something to match my background! This one, for those that can't recall.

Oh! Speaking of matching stuff, I downloaded an icon and cursor maker, so I can make some totally sparkly graphics for my computer. It's not GAY enough guys. I need a rainbow shooting star to click things with, and other things of that variety. Ooooh maybe a bunch of cupcake icons. That'd be sweet. @_@ You'll go into sugarshock from using my laptop.. and possibly have an epileptic seizure. Rainbows AWAY! *dons a rainbow flag!cape to go fight crime.. or have a cupcake*

Rest in Peace Hunter.

On a sad note, the first cat that Nick and I had together, Hunter, passed away yesterday. He was a kitten when we got him, shortly after we were married. We got him in October I think, so he was just about five years old. From what I was told, he fell off the dryer, fell badly, and died from complications, and possibly a concussion. I'm sorry that he went in such a painful way, and I wish there was something I could have done. Rest in Peace Hunter. You grew into a very loving, if cranky cat. You are missed.

This was the only photo I could find that I still have of him. I made a website for him when he was a kitten with tons of photos, but I can't remember WHERE.


Found another of him and Zeero (who is still alive but grieving).


That's all I found though. Hopefully Nekokoi/Faythe remembers the website I'm talking about. @_@

::Edit:: I found the website but it no longer exists. So...I don't have any of the old pictures of him. Just references from when he was a brand new kitten, over on my OLD websites.

"9/29/2003

Okay its been a little while since I've updated. There are some new drawings up, and a new sketch. You probably already noticed this... I was sick for awhile..again.. I got a kitten! Its really cute. You can see photos of it here: http://squishymonkeycow.tripod.com/ His name is Hunter and he's a lil spaz. Cute though. ^^ That's it for now! Take care! "

I made guacamole! :D

This evening, Jenni and I made Pico de Gallo and Guacamole. I made the guac, and she made the pico. Mine takes less work and is more newbie friendly. It was delicious. I'm used to the much saltier restaurant varieties, and it was a rather refreshing difference. Jenni de-seeded the jalapeno for my sake, because I do not like spicy food much. I know, why am I eating Mexican, right? It's cause I'm a Texan. If you live in Texas, you're bound to come around to Mexican or Texmex eventually. Or Texican as we sometimes joke. Though I think then you have to go back to the Tejas roots. So it'd be Tejacan, or something. But I digress.

It was tasty! I mostly stuck to the quac, with some sour cream, and corn chips. I would have loved some melted cheese, maybe some black olives, but that kind of defeats the healthy dinner aspect, I think. Cutting out the sourcream and chip aspect, we were eating veggies, with not much salt added. So, all things considered it was a healthy dinner.

I think I'd love to make that and have it on Taco night, with some cheese, ground beef, and maybe even some actual jalapeno in mine, not just in the pico. Christy has made me braver about food. I love trying new things in theory, but she was always really mellow about introducing new food to me, and now I'm alot less picky. Thanks BFF!

All that aside, I'm feeling relatively normal again, barring any new drama. *knocks on wood* I hope things are going well for my friends and family. :3

Long, kind of ranty.

On Wednesday (the 24th) I woke up to a text message from Nick.

"hey dont ask me for anymore help! I bent over backwards to get you home then you bash me on your stupid lj! I got in a ton of trouble to get you home. Nick"

I tried to call him, and I texted him. I don't remember what I said on the voicemail but I doubt he listened to it. This is what I sent back via text.

"I didn't bash you. Re-read it. I expressed understandable frustration about you having a pregnant girlfriend. I've defended you to my family. Goggle smiting, was me mis-hearing my Mom. I want to talk to you about it."

I haven't heard anything since. I'm not really expecting to. This happened to coincide with the router dying. I couldn't get online to e-mail or anything. I'm currently on a pirated internet signal from one of the neighbors. It's really weak so it comes and goes.

My first response was completely illogical. I wasn't thinking very clearly at all, just blindly panicked, since Nick was supposed to be giving me $2000 from his re-enlistment bonus, when it came. That's how I was going to get my stuff home from Virginia. So my first thought was panic, and then thinking that I had to somehow get back to Virginia. That's not going to change anything. He was still able to ignore me with me being IN Virginia. So being back in the same zipcode means squat.

I'm going to try to remind him that not speaking to me, is not conducive to me wanting to sign his damned divorce papers. It's not that I want to remain married to him. Far from it. I just want it to be over with. But I need to get my stuff out of Virginia, and I can't do it on my own. If he wants me to give him his divorce, he better be willing to talk to me, at least until it's over.

I'm far from the point of wanting to try and stay friends. I'm through with trying to keep things easy for him. Seriously. My coming home was for my Dad. I thought (my whole family thought) that he was going to die. He's stable right now, in a nursing home, within a stones' throw of Bonnie's place, but when I was freaking out, it was just as bad as I thought it was.

I was going to wait, if it weren't for Dad, until I had things properly sorted out, before I came back to Texas. I was hoping to be home by October (and look, here I am), but not under these circumstances.

I'm angry at myself for still being so strongly affected by him, but I've been in a massive funk since Wednesday, and was feeling a bit better this evening, thanks to my sis Nekokoi, and her Fiance visiting me, until I caught up on my friendslist on livejournal and everyone is doing really badly. I'm really sorry that everything is going wrong right now. I hope things get sorted out for everyone soon, and things start to look up.

Goggle Smiting and other such nonsense.

So when Mom came over this last Wednesday she brought pizza, and we chatted a bit about all sorts of things. Eventually we touched on my frustrations with the ex, and while I can't remember the comment on my part, Mom responded with "God will smite him." in an almost apologetic voice, and I miss heard her. I thought she said "Goggle smite him." And I responded "Beat him with goggles? Wait, what did you say?" We both cracked up laughing, and I promised to draw some goggle smiting for her.

Unfortunately I had some troubles with the imagery. I couldn't decide if I wanted it to be me beating him from behind with goggles, or him curled up in the fetal position just taking the blows or what. So eventually I just settled on disembodied heads and arms. I'm not always that lazy but I couldn't get it to look right, with more realistic positioning and proportioning. But I'm over-analyzing now. Here's the finished drawing. I'll do a proper scan later (if I remember, let's be honest) but in the meantime, have a photo of the drawing.



Yes, Mom really does have hair that awesome and wild. And if you can't tell which parent I look like from this drawing, I didn't do a very good job drawing Mom. She's where I get my free spirit from, in regards to being myself and to hell with the rest of the world.

And no, I'm not supposed to look like an angry lesbian. I just fail at drawing myself in that cartoon form. Though I suppose I probably look like an angry lesbian when I talk about Nick. *shrugs* Ah well.

Tomorrow I'm going to Knit Night with Mom, and I'm hoping to learn the basics of knitting while there. I want to knit tiny sweaters, and scarves, and hats. I don't know how good I'll be, but I want to give it a shot at least.

Sorry for not writing for almost a week. I've been inexplicably exhausted. I've also been thinking way too hard about everything, which doesn't help. I'll try to do a better job at keeping ya'll updated from now on.

Image Heavy, Ichigo

I've been taking alot of pictures of Ichigo lately. :3 I haven't posted them up anywhere though. I thought I'd do so today. It was nice out when I went out earlier. I didn't go very far cause I'm planning to walk around a bit with Mom tonight.

Some of these were a few days ago, when I was with Neko/Faythe/etc, Jonathon and Rose. Those ones are the polkadot dress photos. :3 Some of you may be shaking your heads at Ichigo in a dress, but bear in mind that as an Angel, Ichigo is genderless. I use male pronouns, but really I tend to dress him androgynous, or gender ambiguous. But anyway here we go.






These, I took yesterday after I woke up. The weather was beautiful, and once I opened the blinds there was plenty of light. :3 Ichigo was looking lovely and I couldn't resist taking more pictures. X3






More of the photos turned out, but I'm picking my favorites because I wanted to post them all but I didn't want to break the internet. XD I also didn't want to NOT post, for fear of over-posting, so I've trimmed each photoshoot down to just my very very favorites.

The last of these, I took today, out in Jenni's backyard. I thought about shooting near her fountain/pond, but I think I want to wait until a little further into the fall season. :3 These were taken on the railing of the deck.






I got a couple of really nice shots in that last shoot, one of which I'm going to turn into the header on my family blog. X3

Getting Settled

I'm settling in here nicely. :3 My blue is almost gone from my hair, which means I can comfortably start going job hunting without looking ridiculous. There are supposedly a good number of choices within a four block radius, which is great. I'll probably go walking around tomorrow (Tuesday) and see how far I can get, and how fast, on foot. I hope it's not too hot. It's September, but it is north Texas after all. ;_; I've been dreading this part of being home. Not the job hunting, but the weather. Hopefully if it is warm, there will at least be a nice breeze. If it's too hot, I'll postpone until Thursday, and spend tomorrow sewing buttons on stuff for Jenni, and mending small holes in otherwise perfectly good clothing.

I want to sew in earnest, but I need to wait until I can send some money for the cost of shipping, to Christy, so I can have her send me my sewing stuff. The basic stuff, not like, my entire fabric stash. XD;; I woke up today with the ambition and URGE to sew, but when I went to my bag and pulled out my patterns (I took them in my messenger bag with my laptop) I realized I'd brought some of my fabric, but not even a single sewing needle or spool of thread. Ugh.. I really should have. The scissors, not so much, but I could have gotten away with a travel sewing kit or something.

That's enough whining though. XD The room I'm set up in is very comfortable. It's not huge, but it's large enough for me to feel cozy but not claustrophobic, which is nice. Christy, it's about the size of your bedroom, but slightly wider, and not as long. The walls are painted a soft comforting blue, but it doesn't scream Nursery. I've got a fullsized bed, a dresser, and a couple of bookcases in here, with room still to walk on either side of the bed. I love the bed and dressert set. They're pretty, a nice natural color of wood, not too dark, and not that awful orange that cheap oak furniture tends to be. I took a photo after I put the new sheets on my bed, a few days ago, in preparation for this post. :3 I've moved my suitcases/bags around a little since.



That's Ro curled up inside the main cubby of the headboard. He likes small dark places, like I do. I used to curl up in the bottom of my closet with a flashlight and a book. @_@ It's weird because I'm claustrophobic but I find closets soothing. Or maybe it's a fear of small places that can move? I have a fear of being crushed in small dark places. But anyway, Elli and Declan are sitting inside the left cubby, and Phelan, Seanan, and the two rolling heads, Elliot and Onigiri, are in the righthand cubby. Then I've got my jewelry box (made by my grandfather a very long time ago, it's my most treasured belonging, since it's all I have from him, and he passed when I was 7 years old), Ichigo's rainbow box that I keep the items that belong ONLY to him inside, and the stuff I keep close to me when I sleep, like my inhaler, phone, wallet, etc.

I will probably put the doll chairs on the top of the headboard, when I've got them again. I may, however stick the doll furniture on top of the chest of drawers, since it's a wider flat surface. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Anyway, as I said at the top of this entry, I'm settling in very comfortably. Dad seems to be doing alot better (not completely better, but a marked improvement from Wednesday the 10th), and aside from some minor panic that everything had changed initially, I'm relieved to be home. I still need and want to go back to Virginia to get my belongings, and visit Christy and company, and I'm looking forward to that trip. I'm just waiting now, and in the mean time, I'm going to try and find work nearby.

LOL Robot

It's been a quiet day for me so far. I woke up, checked my e-mail, took a shower. Then I wandered out into the rest of the house, and had a quiet lunch.

Then I remembered that Jenni had asked me to sprinkle some flea killer and room sanitizer on the carpet and let her robot vacuum loose. She has the iRobot kind. It looks like this one, but black. So, I get up everything up off the floor and let the little guy loose, and I can't get over how CUTE it is.

I eventually wandered back to my new room to poke at the internet some more, and saw that my younger sister Faythe was online, so I messaged her, and we ended up having this silly conversation.



Needless to say, I'm an oddball. XD;; If for some reason the image isn't visible, this is what it says.

[14:59] silver_duhv: its insanely quiet here. @_@
[14:59] silver_duhv: everyone's at work or school
[14:59] silver_duhv: only sound is the Vroomba
[15:00] silver_duhv: or wtfever it's called
[15:00] railuvskari: it's like that here too, but i like it. xD CRAZY ROBOT VACUUM!!
[15:00] silver_duhv: its the cutest thing in the world
[15:00] railuvskari: it's a terrifying harbinger of doom!
[15:00] silver_duhv: like a little UFO zipping along with antennae, cleaning for me with cute little beeps
[15:00] railuvskari: and cuteness
[15:01] silver_duhv: I wanna cuddle it, but it's all.. gross from cleaning
[15:01] silver_duhv: and that might be a smidgen weird
[15:01] railuvskari: ..your mom's a terrifying harbinger of doom and cuteness..
[15:01] silver_duhv: probably
[15:01] railuvskari: xD it might be
[15:01] silver_duhv: Jenni walks in, im cuddling her robot vacuum
[15:01] silver_duhv: ...she walks right back out

But yes, I felt the need to share this with ya'll. XD

Home in Texas, Dad's okay for now.

I'm home! ..Sort of. I mean I'm here in Texas, in the room I'll be calling home for awhile. This city has changed since I left three years ago, but I guess that is to be expected. I'll touch on that more later though.

First things first. Dad is stable for the moment. After I posted my last entry at, let's see.. 5-ish on the 9th, I packed my suitcases, and decided to play Zelda for awhile to keep my mind occupied. That worked well until I got a call around.. maybe 9 or 10, from my second youngest sister, calling to let me know Dad had another stroke. The Hospital he'd been at, discharged him very suddenly with no notice, and so Jenni picked him up and he was there as a temporary situation. So, they were talking about various medical decisions to be made, and he up and had a stroke. They called 911, but since he seemed to be doing okay (he was still breathing, and had a pulse, and could even talk, though it was gibberish at that point) they declined an ambulance, and watched him like a hawk.

I cried and panicked a little bit, and then let Nick know, or rather had Christy tell him because I couldn't calm down enough to get the words out. Then when I did eventually calm down, I laid down to sleep for a couple of hours before my flight. I woke up at 4am (EST) and doublechecked my bags, took a shower, and put away my pajamas. I called Nick about 5 and he gave me a ride to the airport, stopping by his place first so I could see Decke one last time before I left. Decke has a cold at the moment but he still let me love on him a bit, and then we went to the airport where I checked in, from there caught my flight and then my transfer. I landed in Dallas at I think about 11am (Central time), and Mom picked me up, and then bought me lunch.

After lunch Mom took me to Jenni's, and I saw that Dad was sleeping on an airmattress in the livingroom (side note, Jenni's house is SWANKY), and seemed to be relatively comfortable aside from a dry cough now and again. When he woke up in the early afternoon I spoke with him, but he was getting most of his words mixed up at that point. I wasn't entirely prepared for that, and quietly fled after a few minutes to cry. I didn't want to upset Dad, and I'm not sure how clearly he would have been able to see me crying. After I calmed down I came back out and talked with him a little more, and with Jenni, and he seemed to be a little more able to find the right words. He got better at talking the over the day, and was particularly lucid in the late evening. Jenni and Bonnie were making alot of calls.

Around 11pm they took Dad to the Veterans Hospital in Dallas (He's ex-Navy) to see if they could do anything for him, because he still needs urgent care, and none of us have the skills necessary, or enough time/energy/emotional strength. He was able to be admitted, and Jenni, Judy (my Dad's sister), and I went to visit him today. We met his doctors and nurses and spoke briefly about his options. It's looking like what is best for Dad is a Nursing Home, like with REAL nurses, and a good rehabilitation program.

There is more stuff but to be honest alot of it is complicated and I don't understand it all.

My Aunt Judy is here at the moment too, and she was talking with Dad when he was awake (he slept alot) and was generally very pleasant. She reminds me a bit of Christy, both physically, and temperment-wise. She's quiet, and kind, and I'm kind of wondering why our family hasn't had more contact with her, aside from the fact that she's a Nun in California. She's awesome! Tomorrow she's leaving to go to India for maybe three years. I got some pictures of her that I'll be sending to her later. :)

Um, I guess that wraps this up. I have alot of stuff to catch up on, online, and I need to get some sleep soonish cause I have stuff I'd like to do tomorrow. @_@ My internet is set up now, thanks to Derek(Bro-in-law), and I should be online periodically. :3

Flight to Texas. One way.

I have a flight tomorrow morning. I should be in Texas by noon. The itinerary I have isn't very clear as to which airport I'm coming in to, but I'll let you know when I know if it's DFW or Lovefield. Bonnie, would you be able to pick me up? Or can anyone else? Here's what I know about my flight.

US Airways Flight 963 Coach Class 1 hour 17min
Leaving Norfolk VA Beach 7.25A
Arriving in Charlotte 8.42A

Cary, Robyn seat 7F

US Airways Flight 1772 Coach Class 2 hour 30min
Leaving Charlotte 9.25A
Arrive Dallas FT Worth 10.55A
Arrive Terminal E

That's all the information I have via the printout Nick gave me. I'll call whomever will be awake at between 5am and 6am Central time with whatever details I have then. Jenni, I need your address to stick on my luggage tags.

Nick got an emergency ticket through the Navy Marine Corp Relief Society. All my stuff except what I can fit in 2 suitcases and my biggest messenger back, will stay at Christy's until I can come back (hopefully soon) for it.

Your head asplode

In a further fit of insanity, brought on by a pounding headache, I had the most incredible idea. I don't remember it very clearly but the basic premise is that I want to dress up a tiny in a trenchcoat, with sunglasses and a wig (and little binoculars, if I can find some), and dub it Stalker-Chan. Stalker-Chan will be visible peeping around the corners in photostories, and make people uncomfortable in general. I wish I could remember why exactly this was so hilarious last night, but sadly my brain is no longer in that weird hysterical place. HA! I slept like the dead.

I'm still worried, but I seem to be feeling more human, and more rational. I was informed by my younger sister (not Rose, the other one) that I was completely off my rocker. I'm inclined to believe her. XD;; I think that little story/photostory idea proves it. I didn't post it on the family blog because it's pure crack, but I think I probably will, with a warning. XD;;;

Oh and I think Stalker-Chan was going to be Widget's (Puki Pukisha) open-eyed face, painted with her siamese markings, but also with bags under her eyes. I'd already decided I wanted Widget to only use her sleepy face because it seemed more like a Siamese cat that way. I think it'd be funny if she were Stalker-Chan in a sleep-walking, open-eyed, daze.

Family, this is what my brain comes up with, when I'm not thinking clearly. If Faythe's reaction was any indication, it was WEIRD.

This story is pure crack. I loosely call it a story but it's basically a ridiculous potential photo story that I'm considering drawing since I don't have all the characters in physical form yet.

Characters are Ichigo, Hoshiko, Onigiri, Fluffums, and Stabler!doll.

Ichigo wants to play Law and Order or CSI or something. He makes Hoshiko be the dead body. "O_O why do I have to be the victim?" She asks, and Ichigo laughs "Cause I said so! ;D ..Here, lay down here! This will be the table in the morgue." He pushes Hoshiko onto the dining room table. Hoshiko looks around and blinks a few times. "Why do you have screencaps of NCIS on the wall? I thought it was CSI or Law and Order?" She points towards some posters that depict the characters. "We needed atmosphere! See, there's Abby, and Duckie, and there's Mark Harmon!" He says with a big grin, "The characters don't matter cause it's MY show."

Ichigo points at Onigiri "You're Horashio Caine! Wear these!" *gives sunglasses to him* "..what do I do?" Onigiri looks confused and worried. "Just put those on." Ichigo grins. Onigiri puts them on. "No you did it wrong! It's supposed to be dramatic!" Ichigo says, frowning slightly, "Take them off!" Onigiri blinks, and takes them off, squinting slightly. "YES LIKE THAT 8D!"

Fluffums, a fluffy orange tabby comes in, and pokes Hoshiko. "OHNOZ! U DED?! 8O" "No, I'm not dead! ;_;" Hoshiko procraims. "I EAT UR FACE! 8D" Fluffums paws at her face, "NOMNOMNOM 8D" "D: STOP THAT!" Onigiri grabs Fluffums by the scruff, "She's not dead, you goober, drop that!" Fluffums drops the extra doll eye, and pouts. ":[ UR NO FUN"

Stabler!doll walks in.. stares.. "What are you kids doing?" "We were playing Law and Order. Now it's SVU! Officer officer, that man touched me!" Ichigo points to Onigiri, who's face goes very very pale. Stabler!doll looks perplexed, and possibly angry, but mostly confused. "What?" Ichigo grins wickedly, "Wanna know where?" Ichigo grabs Stabler's package, laughing. END OF SCENE.

This was basically a conversation that I had with Christy. XD;; We are spazzes, and my brain is broken.

I know it's really weird. You can ignore this post if you like. It's meant to be funny, but not everyone thinks the way I do of course. x_x

Update on Dad.

My brother (in-law) Jonathon called me with further news about Dad. The reason it's taken a few days for them to have conclusive results is because bad news is always harder to break. Those 'mini' strokes they thought he'd been having were full blown strokes. And the one they thought was relatively mild, should have actually killed him, beyond resuscitation. He isn't going to get to leave the hospital for some time, if ever.

They don't know why he is getting strokes, because they can't figure out what is causing the blood clots. He's on a medicine designed to break up blood clots, which seems to be working for now.

They don't give him much time. He might make it a week, he might make it a month, but it is very unlikely he'll live longer than that.

Jenni is still working on Power of Attorney from what I was told. She and possibly my other older sister are going to take control of his medical treatment, in terms of making decisions. I'll be honest in that, I'm not sure exactly how I feel about that, but I know it would be harder to get all of us to agree on what is best for Dad.

I need to get home, as soon as I can. I want to be able to say goodbye. I'm going to do whatever I can, to expedite my leaving. My family needs me, and I need to see my father, before he's gone.

Fur Wig Tutorial

A few different people have asked me to make a fur wig tutorial, next time I made one. So, when I got this beautiful pink fluffy faux fur a week or so ago, I thought it'd be a perfect opportunity. Life has been surprisingly hectic since then. @_@ Today was the first day that I really had the time to do it.

So, I got out all my supplies, and took pictures as I went. I've uploaded the final tutorial to DeviantArt but I'm very annoyed that they wouldn't let me put up a small teaser pic, and then have them click that to see the whole picture. It's a big file, so I wanted to spare those that are on dial-up, or just plain didn't want to load that big file, just wanted to know what it was. So, rather than linking to it on DeviantArt, I'll post a teaser image here. Just click it, if you want to see the whole image. The final picture is 533 pixels by 5600 pixels. It's hosted on my photobucket, but in the event that goes down, you can also see it here, on DA. :[ Oh, and I posted it there, but Ichigo's wig pattern was custom fitted to his head. I did use the Undead Thread pattern as a template, but it doesn't really resemble it at all anymore.



I aimed it towards anyone who wants to make a fur wig, but needs more instruction than 'this is faux fur.. this is your finished wig!'. Yes I really have seen some tutorials that leave out ALL of the steps. Seriously.

I haven't sewn anything in awhile. e_e;; I WANT to sew, but it's been hard to find the inspiration or ambition. I might sew something for Onigiri, or make some more fur wigs, since we picked up a beautiful lavender fur at the same time. Ichigo's fur wig bag is stuffed to overflowing. <3 I used to hate fur wigs, but it's amazing how, seeing one that has been beautifully styled, can make such a difference.

Cutest Panda EVER.

I was poking around on the Souldoll website to go peek at one of the dolls I'm considering as a future purchase, and stumbled upon my next doll. He's a tiny, and so fairly inexpensive. It's a wittle panda!



I love the adorably Anime eyes. There are a bunch of different types but I'm hoping to get one of the following eight styles. X3



If I don't get anything like those, I'll deal with whatever comes with him, for awhile. Eventually though I want him to have sparkly Anime eyes like these. :3 As you can see, I'm leaning towards blue, green, or some version of blue-violet.

I'm thinking about getting this little guy on layaway from Denver dolls, since he's a smidgen over $200, and if I spread that out a bit, I can do it.

My father had a stroke.

I wanted to wait to post this, until I knew for sure what had happened. Yesterday my father had a stroke. It wasn't as serious as it could have been. According to what the doctors told Mom, it was about a 2, 15-20 being serious. This bit here is a direct quote from Mom's blog. She's better with words than I am.

"So: what I knew when writing the first part of this, at 11:08 on Friday night. He had a small stroke, maybe a 2 on the hospital’s how bad is this scale but not a 15 or a 20. It has affected his speech center, but that may all come back, or mostly come back. When they did the CAT scan, they found evidence of several [many?] previous TIA’s [transient ischemic attacks, or mini-strokes], chiefly in the part of the brain that affects balance. Which would explain a lot. He will be on some sort of anticoagulant for the rest of his life. He’s in the neurology wing, and this morning they will do an MRI. His blood sugar, at least for the moment, is normal.

He was in the car with LittleBit when it happened; she was driving. When they got home, he couldn’t get out of the car under his own power, and she couldn’t get him out, and he stopped breathing. One of the maintenance men did CPR and got him going again until the EMT’s came and took him to the ER."

Rose(Littlebit) told me that not only was he not breathing, but he had no pulse when the EMTs got there. He was resuscitated in the ambulance, and then transported to the ER. He seems to be stable now, and they have put him in Neurology for further observation.

My eldest sister is taking this opportunity to try and get Dad to sign over power of attorney so that she and her husband can take the reins to make sure he gets proper care. He doesn't seem to quite understand what she's asking though, since when she asked he was very casual about it, saying "Yeah sure."

I feel rather like an ass since I thought he wasn't taking his medicine, and I've attributed the warning signals (reduced coordination, jumbled thoughts, memory loss) of his mini-strokes, solely to his diabetes. He has apparently been taking his medicine for the last week or so, because his blood pressure, and cholesterol were at the proper levels. I also learned that he was simply choosing not to eat before because he didn't take his insulin, and his blood sugar would spike when he did eat, for obvious reasons. That was what led up to his first hospitalization.

As my family continues to update me on his condition, I'll note it here. I don't know how much time he has left, but he very nearly died permanently yesterday. I want to remember exactly what happened, if he passes soon.

Shorter mohawk, the blue is gone.

I cut my hair again last night. My sides were about an inch long, which is ridiculous for a proper mohawk, and the mohawk strip had reached almost seven inches, so I hacked that shorter too. The mohawk strip is probably choppy in the back since I had to cut that part myself, with only a mirror in front of me. You can't tell in photos though so it must not be too bad.

My blue is gone. I now have a soft green, that is visibly blotchy on the sides, but that'll be sorted out as it grows in. I'm going to re-blue it all after I pick up some more gloves. I'd rather not have blue hands for awhile.





I like that I can get it to fluff better in the back now. It was too long to act properly like a mohawk till now. I just looked like I had a modified mullet or something since it was too long and thick to fluff up and out, before. It fluffs properly now.

In regards to Ti-Chan, I do feel a bit sad that she's getting to have a baby, when I had so much trouble (and a mental breakdown) trying so hard for a few years. I also don't think she's mature enough to be a good mother, but that isn't really my call to make. Nick may be ..flawed, but he does have what it takes to be a good father, or I'd never have considered having his kids.

I'd still like to maybe have a child some day, but I'm fine with adopting if it comes to that, and I don't mind being a mentor to my friends' kids. Christy has a 6 year old that, who is an amazing person, and Rissa has her baby boy who I've no doubt will also be an amazing man. If I can have a kid someday that would be great, but I'm not going to cry over her having one. Nick deserves to be a father. In all ways I mean that, the good and the bad.

I am angry that he knocked her up before we were properly divorced but that's what happens when you don't use protection. At least there is very little either of them could do, to hurt me anymore. This was pretty much the worst. That's all I'd like to say on that subject.

Hanna's gonna hit us.

Tropical Storm(?) Hanna is supposed to hit Virginia Beach, among other places in the central east coast. The Weather channel says that Ike and Josephine are also likely to hit this part of the coast. I will keep my cell phone within easy reach but there is a chance of losing internet/electricity, so if you don't hear from me for a few days that's why. Keep us in your prayers.

The Sims Castaway Stories

It's been forever since a Sims post. I got The Sims Castaway Stories, and I like it alot. It's just different enough that it is really enjoyable to play, and it's not as big of a resource hog.

So, I've set up a little family on the beach with a little hut. I like this almost more than the actual Sims 2. Meet Roro, Bailey(the child), and the native that Roro has hooked up with, Mareva. I'll start with Roro, spearfishing at night.

And here's a better shot of him, getting ready to go to work as a Crafter (one of three jobs the Castaway Sims can have).


Sims here can gather fruit from the trees, Papayas, Coconuts, or Bananas. Mareva is fond of Bananas. Though I do make her gather the other fruits too. Below she is gathering papayas.



I put in a tree swing for little Bailey too, since as a child on an island he doesn't go to school, and he's too young to fish or gather much in the way of food and resources. He can climb up the Papaya trees because they're smaller. He's fond of papayas.




You can still catch butterflies and fireflies too. Roro isn't very good but he managed to catch a few. I had him release them pretty quickly though because I don't like leaving them till they die. I'm weird like that.

You can't really cheat in this game, but it's designed in a way that you don't even need to really. :3 I'm looking forward to completing Story mode. I'm stuck at the moment, cause the other Castaways up and disappeared. @_@ I haven't been able to find any info either so I may have to start Story mode over.

Nick's gonna be a Daddy.

Brittany/Ti-chan is pregnant. I'm not as angry as you might think, because I suspected as much. She's known since around my birthday, and today, I asked, (I wasn't TOLD) and Nick confirmed, after some prodding.

I kept the swearing to a minimum.

I occasionally imbibe liquor, and last night was one of the occasions I did so. I had a concoction of some fruity variety, made by Captain Morgan Parrot Bay. I think it was pineapple and orange flavored or something. Anyway it was some fruity thing. I don't drink often really, but when I do imbibe, it's generally a fruity drink. I can't stand the taste of beer, and I think wine tastes equally horrible. I just don't like the bitterness I think. I've always prefered sweet things though. Were it not for my father's diabetes (and therefore my familial tendency towards it) I'd indulge my sweet tooth far more often than I do.

But, that isn't what I was meaning to go into. I'm not feeling well this morning as a result. Not horrible mind you, and not what I'd call hung over exactly, but maybe like I shouldn't have had the second one. I feel kind of pale and a bit crabby, which I'm hoping will pass after a hot shower and some breakfast. I have delicious chocolate muffins to eat.

I'm also feeling a little down emotionally. Not, depressed exactly but kind of lost, and embarrassed/ashamed. I was filling out a quiz about experiences and I've done what I would consider alot of things, that I'm far from proud of. Sexual promiscuity in my late teens for instance. I made alot of mistakes, and mistook male attention of that variety, for genuine interest. I'm also ashamed of my heavy drinking, and drug experimentation around the same time. I realize that those were both my way of dealing with post traumatic stress disorder, brought on by two separate occasions, one being the rape, and two being earlier, not understanding or dealing well with my parents divorce. I've since come to terms with both, but I've had other things that reinforced my emotional fragility. For instance, I had a mental break down, when I was trying so hard to conceive with Nick, about three years ago. That was when I went on Zoloft, and it was the beginning of the end for us. And of course, more recently, the fiasco that has been trying to get the ***damned divorce in order.

I'm not depressed at the moment per se. I'm feeling.. ambiguous, and thoughtful. I'm certainly not read to jump for joy, or anything like that, but I'm not like suicidal either.

I'm tired, emotionally. I'm tired of being stuck in Virginia, and I'm tired of being ignored by Nick. I'm pissed at him for ignoring me completely now that my stuff is out of the apartment. I'm not asking to hang out, or go do stuff, or anything ridiculous like that. I just want him to get his shit together and get me home. I'm much more angry about than I may seem. He asked for this divorce, and I am trying to oblige, so they least he could do (I know the LEAST he could do is nothing, but you know what I mean) is to get me the hell home, so I can safely sign the damned papers and he can re-marry. I just want it OVER already.

I didn't sleep well, at all. I only slept for gosh, maybe five hours, which is plenty for some, but not for me. I slept lightly, and startled awake around 7:30. I'm listening to some music, trying to bring my mood up, but it might help, if I wasn't listening to the same depressing music I listened to in highschool. I need more peppy lighthearted stuff on my ipod. For now, I suppose the fall back of country music till I feel better about my own life (at least my life isn't as bad as THAT), and the fun techno/electronica stuff will do.