Work

I've been having crippling panic attacks since my second night of work. They were getting progressively worse, so that I wasn't even able to calm down on my two days off, which were right in a row, after three days of work.

So, last night I went in for my shift, and proceeded to have the monster of panic attacks, in the parking lot. I went inside with every intention of quitting, because of the severity, and when I spoke to the manager on duty, he said it was a shame, because everyone he'd spoken with, had been very impressed with my hard work, and they'd hate to lose a worker like me. I was stunned. He asked me to come in today and talk to one of the managers about how I was feeling, and explain to them, the problems I was having, to see if there was anything we could do.

Nowhere I have worked, to date, has given a damn about me like that, or has been willing to work with me like this. Nor have I ever really gotten any recognition for my hard work, so I was floored.

So today I rode my bike in, and spoke with Heather the manager that hired me. She's temporarily switched my schedule to days, after we spoke about my concerns. Days does less of the really physically draining stuff, and more of what I'm used to, like zoning, price changes, tracking stuff down for customers, and basic stocking, in addition, but mixed in, rather than just hours and hours of lifting.

She said if I was still having a really hard time with that, we could see what other positions might be available that I could do more easily, after a couple of weeks. So, I have a new schedule from 7am to 4pm, for the next two and a half weeks, and then we'll see if I'm doing better in days, or if there is something else (like cashiering) that I could do more easily.

So yeah, massive panic attacks for the last four days, and the calm after the storm now. @_@ I'm someone who hates to cry, due to associating it with childhood trauma, and I've been sobbing almost non-stop for the last four days, with increasing irrational panic. Right now, I feel normal. It's so bizarre to think so clearly right now, when I've been paralized with fear and panic for half a week.

I'm going to go ahead and set up my medical and dental insurance, and cross my fingers that days is more managable for me.