I don't know.

I was discussing it with Rose earlier this week. I think I need to go back on anti-anxiety medicine. Problem is, I don't have healthcare through my new job, and I won't because it is apparently part time. I could theoretically try to get back on them through Navy medical since I'm still technically married to Nick, but I would prefer a more ideal method.

Also, I'm not really sure if it would help as much as I'm hoping. I can't REMEMBER how I functioned on zoloft. :[ I can't remember much of that year at all. I'd prefer not to have similar memory gaps about this part of my life, but the anxiety and panic don't stop. The more anxious, worried, and panicky I get, the more I wonder what the hell I really want out of life, if anything at all.

At this point I am no better now, than I was 1 year ago. I don't feel that I have accomplished anything of worth. I'm essentially homeless, living with my sister at the moment but that's not long term. I'm working a crappy part time job at a craft store, and I can't live on what I make there. I don't have a car, or even a driver's license. I don't even have any significant schooling I could fall back on. I have a GED. I am twenty-five years old. What the hell do I have to show for my life?

It's not that I'm suicidal per se, I'm just.. apathetic I guess. I don't really feel like I have anything to look forward to in life. I don't enjoy life at all anymore. I can't even find simple pleasure in my days now. I used to at least be able to enjoy life, day to day, even knowing things are bad. I don't like me, I don't like my belongings, I hate my life, and I don't know if there is anything I can do to fix it.