I don't generally do a reflection of the prior year and hopes or thoughts for the new one, because I'm not generally having a great time this point in my year. However, 2015 merits reflection.
started 2015 in a long-term and long-distance romantic relationship, and
while the friendship remains the engagement is broken. I have many
feelings about this, but not much way to easily express them or figure
out the healthiest way to express them so I flounder a bit. I'm not used
to a healthy end to a romantic relationship which leaves me a little
confused on how to deal with the sense of loss, especially when I still
have a deep and abiding friendship. So I kind of put my feelings on a
shelf and through myself into my schoolwork and HARD, and that worked
out I guess, except that it probably stressed my immune system more than
school might have on its own.
This leads me to, my general physical health which is in somewhat worse shape than what I had
at the beginning of the year. I've spent the summer and fall in and out
of the hospital, first for surprise pneumonia in June and then for..
mystery symptoms that I can't recall. Probably
pain. I honestly don't remember clearly. I think the first time I went
back it was because the pneumonia had not cleared up, and after that it
was just that my general health was not well, and mysteriously high
levels of pain, and incredibly high heart rate without high blood
pressure to match. Oh and the time that I passed out at work and it was
witnessed. That may have been blood sugar related. Who knows.
of note, we (Osaka and I) reached the final tipping point of we can't
keep doing THIS (living paycheck to paycheck) stringing ourselves along
and trying to live in Virginia Beach when we just can not do it on our
own. Time to figure out what to do. After a whole lot of very blatant
signs and my ignoring them it became clear that I am supposed to go back
to Texas. Osaka and DragonMouse will be heading back to Tennessee to
the family farm, and we will be staying in close touch because we are
still the very best of friends and this is not the end of a friendship,
just doing what needs to be done for our health and well being.
I called Mom and talked to her about it, talked to Faythe about Texas,
talked to both about my health and school. I also discussed briefly with
my ASL teacher what my options were in North Texas for signing programs
but she was more familiar with Austin's schools, so I will
very likely be going to from TCC (Tidewater Community College) to TCC
(Tarrant County College) to finish my ASL degree and may pursue further
education if I can keep up my straight As all the way through and maybe
earn a scholarship to one of the very many good North Texas colleges.
have no delusions that 2016 will be stress free. I have a work
intensive spring semester ahead of me as well as a move to prepare for,
and I'm still not exactly sure HOW I want to
move my things. I don't have a ton of things but I own enough that
shipping things isn't necessarily feasible as an option. I also really
really hate moving and I'm not super excited about being in Texas.
I'm happy about being near my family, and I look
forward to getting to see my nieces and nephews and siblings and all
more but I also am not looking forward to bumping into all the people
who mocked me as a teen for being who I am. I don't look much different
now than I did at 15. Just with a beard.
And I think that's all I can handle at the moment. So, goodbye 2015. 2016, bring me health and fortune please.