Auf Wiedersehen 2015!

I don't generally do a reflection of the prior year and hopes or thoughts for the new one, because I'm not generally having a great time this point in my year. However, 2015 merits reflection.

I started 2015 in a long-term and long-distance romantic relationship, and while the friendship remains the engagement is broken. I have many feelings about this, but not much way to easily express them or figure out the healthiest way to express them so I flounder a bit. I'm not used to a healthy end to a romantic relationship which leaves me a little confused on how to deal with the sense of loss, especially when I still have a deep and abiding friendship. So I kind of put my feelings on a shelf and through myself into my schoolwork and HARD, and that worked out I guess, except that it probably stressed my immune system more than school might have on its own.

This leads me to, my general physical health which is in somewhat worse shape than what I had at the beginning of the year. I've spent the summer and fall in and out of the hospital, first for surprise pneumonia in June and then for.. mystery symptoms that I can't recall. Probably pain. I honestly don't remember clearly. I think the first time I went back it was because the pneumonia had not cleared up, and after that it was just that my general health was not well, and mysteriously high levels of pain, and incredibly high heart rate without high blood pressure to match. Oh and the time that I passed out at work and it was witnessed. That may have been blood sugar related. Who knows.

Also of note, we (Osaka and I) reached the final tipping point of we can't keep doing THIS (living paycheck to paycheck) stringing ourselves along and trying to live in Virginia Beach when we just can not do it on our own. Time to figure out what to do. After a whole lot of very blatant signs and my ignoring them it became clear that I am supposed to go back to Texas. Osaka and DragonMouse will be heading back to Tennessee to the family farm, and we will be staying in close touch because we are still the very best of friends and this is not the end of a friendship, just doing what needs to be done for our health and well being.

So I called Mom and talked to her about it, talked to Faythe about Texas, talked to both about my health and school. I also discussed briefly with my ASL teacher what my options were in North Texas for signing programs but she was more familiar with Austin's schools, so I will very likely be going to from TCC (Tidewater Community College) to TCC (Tarrant County College) to finish my ASL degree and may pursue further education if I can keep up my straight As all the way through and maybe earn a scholarship to one of the very many good North Texas colleges.

I have no delusions that 2016 will be stress free. I have a work intensive spring semester ahead of me as well as a move to prepare for, and I'm still not exactly sure HOW I want to move my things. I don't have a ton of things but I own enough that shipping things isn't necessarily feasible as an option. I also really really hate moving and I'm not super excited about being in Texas.

I'm happy about being near my family, and I look forward to getting to see my nieces and nephews and siblings and all more but I also am not looking forward to bumping into all the people who mocked me as a teen for being who I am. I don't look much different now than I did at 15. Just with a beard.

And I think that's all I can handle at the moment. So, goodbye 2015. 2016, bring me health and fortune please.

Doll Rambling

It's been kind of surreal to have more than a few hours between work and sleep and trying to eat to try and .. breath and think. I don't mean to sound like I'm complaining, breathing is nice. I just really got used to being completely slammed and exhausted with constantly recovering from being ill and schoolwork and actual work, and social media and burnout. OOF. I've had .. what a week off from school now? I've gone to work as usual had some days off, had two actual factual days OFF where in I frantically tried to busy myself and then I just kind of petered out.

I'm all caught up on my webcomics, all caught up on my various social media outlets (and actually unusually active on some of them), and looking hard at my knitting and sewing and wondering what sort of magic I can make happen before school starts back up. I still have work and all but I still have several like proper days off where I have nothing I NEED to do other than wake up and take my medicine and remember to eat and bathe and so I can PLAY. I feel like a little kid with new toys. I kind of am actually. I got Legos for Christmas. I have new dolls..(checks list) I have FIFTEEN dolls that haven't been properly played with or had anything made special for them since I got them. That's seriously half of my collection, not counting rolling heads or anything. These are properly faceupped dolls with bodies and everything. They need outfits and stuff.

First of all, Ed needs a proper not temporary faceup. I don't want to have to wait until I get to Texas and commission someone to paint him. I want my hands to recover enough that I can paint my own dolls again.

I will settle for making Robbie clothes though. He needs clothes. Long-sleeved t-shirts, graphic tees, maybe a coat, some shorts, just some variety. Robbie needs a swank wardrobe. My pretty little vanity boy mirror.

I also need to remember the sculpt that Osaka helped me to find for my own FaithAnn, since the Faythe's FaithAnn is MSD, and Robbie is SD. Also that allows me to do my own thing with her as BFF-sibling dolls. I think it was Volks Coco? Was it Volks SD Coco Osaka?

Robbie got a new sweater! :D

My own knitting has fallen by the wayside for the most part since I regained employment, and then for certain once I started school. I tried to do stuff but I kept getting sick and staying sick, and then there was all the school work and just.. anyway, you know who hasn't stopped knitting? Osaka. Osaka still knits. She knit her Severus a beautiful sweater, a lovely chunky knit (which is the in thing this season and I am loving it) in perfect doll scale, and my Robbie is roughly the same size and scale as he is. She was kind enough to make me a sweater for Robbie of the same style to fit him in grey for Christmas.

Unfortunately I still have dreadful lighting so you get dark photos in front of a sugar pink Christmas tree. I hope you enjoy his beautiful new sweater as much as I do. It fits him like a dream. :)











Hooray knitting! I will hopefully be able to knit again someday soon, like when the weather stops jumping 10 degrees in either direction every other day. =_=;;

Winter Illness and Holiday Dolls.

Osaka has caught a winter bug from her brother Wotan, who is out visiting for Christmas. Most years he is just recovering from it during winter break but this year he is fully ill from it and recovering out here slowly over the course over the break.

He has won Christmas as far as his nephew and sister are concerned. DragonMouse got DoctorWho Legos, and Osaka got a discontinued doll that she has been distressed, bemoaning missing out on recently. Wotan managed to get his hands on her and sneak her under the tree and we didn't quite realize it until we were down to the last of the gifts and Osaka was going "Wait a minute.. This is bubble wrap. This is labelled bubble-wrapped bundles with a Certificate of Authenticity. YOU DIDN'T. HOW?!"

This is two years running that Wotan has managed to get two incredibly special discontinued hard to get dolls for Osaka, and both are incredibly special. Last year's was THE SOULDOLL CHORIN that had been sitting waiting patiently for seven years waiting for Osaka at the doll dealer's website. This is the Souldoll Giselle that was discontinued and.. nowhere to be found ANYWHERE in any of the places one might find older discontinued dolls. Wotan has amazing doll luck, and he uses his powers for good.

So due to timing Osaka and I both ended up with dolls for Christmas. Mine being Twinkle, my Loongsoul Beck Deertaur, and hers Souldoll Giselle, who is petite and gorgeous. I also have my pony, but I need to un-string and scrub that pony so it can be sealed and painted up to be Epona.

Christmas 2015

Today has been bittersweet. It has been a wonderful quiet day with friends full of love, and the last Christmas that I will have here in Virginia with my BFF. Next Christmas I will be back in Texas with my blood family, which will be an entirely different experience. I have come to appreciate our quiet routine of opening up stockings playing quietly, frequently an afternoon nap, and Christmas lunch or dinner at a Chinese buffet. It's a different tradition but it's one that we have enjoyed together for many years now.

I had difficult time sleeping and got up a little past 7am and found that DragonMouse was also up. We whispered quietly (genuinely quiet) together and he walked dogs and got coffee going for Osaka so that she would have that ready when she stirred. I took a photo of the tree, and one of us together on the sofa for facebook, mostly for the memory.

Osaka woke up a little while later, got her coffee, and we got into stockings, and DragonMouse dutifully passed out gifts to us, so that we each had something to unwrap at any one time.

He got Legos, a Frightfully Tall Frankie, some stuffies, some MLP blind packs, nice stuff all around. I got some very nice coloring books (some the complex patterns for adults ones), some new colored pencils, Legos, and a few other really nice tidbits I probably am not remembering right now.

I've had a recurring migraine for several days now and it came back in the early afternoon so I took an imitrex and laid down and slept through when I was supposed to call my family in Texas to chat and say hi to everyone. I ended up calling Faythe and Mom after we came back from dinner and chatted for awhile, until Bonnie called me. I spoke to her and Jenni briefly, said Merry Christmas to them both, and then called Rose to say the same to her, and wish her a Happy Birthday since I work tomorrow and might not be able to get a hold of her tomorrow.

It was pleasant talking to Mom and Faythe as they drove back to Garland from Arlington. I think they had stopped off in Arlington from Fort Work so Faythe could walk the dog before she stayed the weekend with Mom in Garland and I got to speak with them nearly the whole drive. We discussed my upcoming move, and storage options and how large the middle bedroom is and how much room Mom was willing to share in her studio for Art supplies and/or dolls (I was assuming none, but she is generous), and Faythe was explaining to Mom that middle bedroom was larger than the space I currently share with DragonMouse and so it would not be an issue squeezing my possessions into that space even with needing to store some items against one wall.

I'm still not ready to go back to Texas but I understand that it is what I need to do. I am looking forward to being able to continue to my education and also having the option of seeing my family more than just like.. through facebook. That will be nice.

Pokemon Talk

I re-restarted Pokemon Omega-Ruby because I had started it in German, and my German is a bit rusty, and then I realized I have the dialogue memorized in English which is part of why I was playing it in German. *facepalm* Also to refresh my German. It's only been like 16 years since German 1, of which I remember only a handful of words and phrases.

I had just transferred over a full shiny team from Pokemon Bank to use and had my Eevee at full hearts in Pokemon Aime when I had an error and my 3DS crashed the game so I rage quit. So.. Now I am going to wait until morning, transfer everything back to Bank, and then re-restart it in German again because the English doesn't have the umlaut that I wanted to use for my character's name.

So annoyed that it crashed and that I hadn't saved. I have a team of shinies that are mostly dog types and will substitute as needed for gyms and story parts to progress the game but mostly I want to play with my little German boy and his shiny dogs. FULL SHINY TEAM. I have a shiny Gyarados and a shiny Togekiss for my water and flying types. My Eevee is going to be a Sylveon, and I have will have a Mightyena, and a handful of other shines I've hoarded from my other Gen 6 games and saved in Bank. I even have some shiny legendaries.

Still neurotic.

I am firmly in the midst of a manic swing and back toward a mixed state I thing I think, which is making communication challenging. With the fall semester over and Christmas this.. Friday I am working long shifts but my work schedule is still set up for school so I have my first proper day off since school started today. I slept in till 10am. I am both wired and exhausted. I feel overstimulated and worn out.

I have had pain levels near my the higher end of my pain-scale from the weather jumping all over the place and my joints freaking out over that.I spent like that last week of school with my knitting gloves, the ones from the craft store for people with arthritis to help with compression and prevent too much pain or swelling. I've also been taking as much ibuprofen as I can safely taken with my prescribed medications.

I don't think I like the migraine medications that the neurologist gave me. They help but I can't tell how much of the fogheadedness is from medication and how much is depression.

I hate this time of year. I am so tired of complaining about being sick, tired of being broken.

I feel like I am making people upset online and off and I am unaware of it until later. This is frustrating. This happened when I was on lithium and I am really not sure I can handle losing all of my friends again because I am completely and obliviously being a jerk.

I am aware this is week of Christmas and people have lives and are busy and I am probably barely a blip on their radar, but I have nothing to go on, and that makes me really anxious on top of the mania.

Photos from Deaf Events.

So, for American Sign Language 1 and 2 I was required to attend Deaf Events as part of learning about Deaf Culture and understanding the people that I would be likely be working with in some capacity as a translator. I attended several but only have photos from the two at the mall, and the event where we learned to sign some Christmas Carols. It was fun but mostly silly songs, which was kind of disappointing for me. I was hoping to see and sign some of the songs I've seen Mom sign over the years.

Anyway I haven't posted photos anywhere except to my assignment journals and submissions because... schoolwork. I only have three I am comfortable sharing but I had a really fun time. Early on there was some embarrassment when I hadn't quite learned enough signs to communicate but we had some friendly and helpful guys who like to help out the ASL students and hang out.

This is a mix of ASL 1, 2, and 3 students as well as some friendly local Deaf guys who were teaching us some basic signs.



This is Andrew who had a gorgeous Zelda themed tattoo which I expressed jealousy of, and had learned enough to converse. He was super cool, and friendly, and was apparently hard of hearing because later on he startled the heck out of some of the ASL students and laughed really loudly because he was fully capable of hearing the noise and knew exactly how loud it was going to be.



This was from the Christmas Carol event which was at the ASL club at the TCC Chesapeake Campus. On the far left is Kelley, my classmate, and in the middle is my teacher Ms Gilstrap, who is a fantastic teacher. You can't tell from this photo but I am actually taller than Kelsey, our teacher, she is a tiny pixie of a woman.



I have had so much fun with ASL, and while my hands are screaming thinking of all the frantic signing practice, and I am really looking forward to picking it back up when I get to Texas. I will need to PRACTICE so that I don't have to start back over. I didn't get A's to start back over in ASL 1 thank you very much. :P

That's it!

70 Questions, Photos and Stuff.

And now something hopefully a bit more lighthearted, which I took off Faythe's journal, the questions not the answers. She did it as a 7 day thing but I did it all at once cause I needed something to DO with school all wrapped up.

1. Are you jealous of someone you love?
I rarely express jealousy, and I try not to put myself in positions where it will be an issue.
2. Is making the right decision hard?
Sometimes. Occasionally the right thing to logically do is not what I feel PULLED to do. I have to follow my gut and think it over in situations like this, or it comes back to bite me.
3. What kind of language would you like to learn?
All of them, spoken, written, and signed. I am incredibly passionate about languages. I am currently learning American Sign Language.
4. Is there a stereotype about your country that pisses you off?
Yes. The USA is far too diverse to be accurately portrayed at all. A handful of stereotypes scattered over a couple of decades does not paint a clear picture of any country.
5. What do you appreciate more hearing or seeing?
While I appreciate sound, and would be sad if I lost my hearing, I would be devastated if I lost my sight. I could not stomach living without art and music both.
6. Have you ever got lost in somewhere? What happened?
I have gotten lost a handful of times and every single time it has been one of the most terrifying experiences of my life. The earliest experience I wandered walked away from my sisters at the botanical gardens connected to the Dallas Zoo I believe at age four. Then at age twelve or thirteen I got lost in downtown Dallas on a field trip to the Dallas Art Museum when I got separated from my group. I walked back to the museum, sat down on the sidewalk and cried. The most recent experience was about a year ago in Chesapeake after I got lost trying to find the bus stop after seeing a new psychologist trying to get back to Virginia Beach. I kept walking in the general direction I came from for about three miles until I found the gas station I remember being dropped off near.
7. Seas or mountains?
Both. I saw the mountains for the first time a few years back in East Tennessee and loved the land. It was gorgeous.

8. Lakes or fields?
Lakes are filthy. Fields are muddy.
9. Are you easy to anger?
Sometimes. Generally I'm easygoing but I have some big shiny red button triggers that are easy to slap, and a nasty temper.
10. What do you like most about your looks?
That depends entirely on how depressed I am. Usually I like my face. I have green eyes and a pleasant face unless I am angry. 

11. If you could change just one thing about the world what would it be?
Medical Care in USA.
12. What is the most noticeable feature in your looks in your opinion?
Probably my face. I have kind of a baby face, and green eyes.
13. Do you fear death?
No.
14. Do you fear life?
Yes.
15. What calms your nerves?
Music, Art, a few select people.
16. Is there someone who gives a crap?
Yes there are a few people who do.
17. Are you romantic?
Like you wouldn't believe.
18. Stars or the sun?
Stars for days.
19. Rain for 90 days or drought for 90 days?
Rain forever.
20. What season do you enjoy most? What month?
Autumn despite it being the time of my onset of yearly depression.

21. No sleeping or no eating for a week? (don’t worry you would stay alive, you’d just suffer. so basically: staying hungry or tired?)
Both make me cranky but no sleep makes me crazy.. can it be productive crazy?
22. Do you think you’re better than your peers?
Sometimes, but not like superior as a human, just perhaps having a different skill set.
23. Do you feel comfortable at social gatherings?
Rarely.
24. Are you hard to impress?
Maybe? Some people impress me easily but they are charismatic. Others can be ...technically intelligent and aesthetically pleasing and smug and I just will not be impressed with them.
25. What is the most physically appealing thing in the sex you're attracted to?
HAHA. I am not attracted to physical features. I do like blue eyes, but I also appreciate brown, green, hazel, etc.
26. What is the most mentally appealing thing in the sex you're attracted to?
Intelligence, humor, charisma, and humility. Musical or artistic talent goes a LONG way too.
27. What do you think about one night stands?
Not a fan.
28. What position do you sleep in?
Violently.
29. Are you a dreamer? Are you motivated enough to achieve your goals?
Yes and yes, but I take a very long time to do so.
30. What is the weirdest thing in your room?
A bunch of glass eyes in a metal box.

31. Believe in love at first sight?
Absolutely, but I don't think it's a lasting thing.
32. Link a song that you liked five years ago.
Five years ago.. um.. (OK Go - Here it Goes Again)
33. Link a song that you liked ten years ago.
Geez. I'm not good with time traveling like this. (The Toadies - Backslider)
34. Have you changed a lot in the last two years?
I changed enough to finally go to college. Also my health has declined terribly so yes.
35. Favorite fruit?
Fruits upset my stomach with their high acidity, but I do enjoy them. x_x
36. Do you say things just because people want to hear them?
Nope. I refuse to lie or tell people what they think they want to hear.
37. Do your friends get you?
I'm not sure but they try to.
38. What are you the most proud of?
At the moment I am damned proud of carrying straight As on a 12 credit semester of college for my very first semester of college.
39. What Disney character do you emotionally relate to?
Maleficent.
40. Who is your favorite hero/ine?
Dr McNinja

41. Is small talk easy for you?
Not as such.
42. Do you get along with classmates?
Better now than I did at the beginning of the school year. It's easier with adults.
43. Best beauty tips?
Moisturizer is your friend.
44. What ordinary things make you happy on a daily basis?
Breathing without pain, music, when I can sing along with my mp3 player without my voice cracking.
45. Are you creative?
Yes
46. Name three things you look for in a partner.
Honesty, humility, patience.
47. Skirts or jeans?
Jeans.
48. Do you fancy rompers?
Not so much no.
49. Define your style in a few words: clothing style, talking style, dream house.
Comfort for practicality. If I were slimmer, and wealthier I would dress to the nines in velvet and silk and vests and pinstripes and hounds-tooth, with gorgeous shiny shoes with fancy buckles and swanky socks.
50. Does practice make it perfect?
Perfection is unreasonable as a goal. However practice does improve ability and hone talent.

51. Do you believe in angels?
In a sense
52. Explain your url.
I assumed my family would disown me when/if I transitioned so I had chosen a name not associated with my birth name or life and used it online for years as my username everywhere.
53. Order or chaos?
Organized chaos.
54. Black or white?
Rainbows and grey scale.
55. Is there a one that got away?
I am the one that got away.
56. Are birds cute or annoying?
Ducks are cute. Herons are beautiful. Waterfowl in general, I have gained appreciation for (except geese), but domestic birds I detest.
57. Does the other sex make you nervous?
People make me nervous only when they are an unknown quantity.
58. Past, present or future?
Ugh. I don't want any of it.
59. Do you care about the big picture or your close territory?
Details.
60. Cute or sexy?
What is this question supposed to be even?

61. How do you drink your coffee or tea?
I don't drink coffee, and I am allergic to tea.
62. What makes you smile every time?
Puns, music, and art.
63. Do you like people coming up to you for help?
Quite a bit, but I'm not sure why exactly. I get bossy.
64. Are you comfortable talking about sex?
Absolutely unless/until it becomes apparent that someone is trying to flirt with me, and then I get super uncomfortable.
65. Are you open to new things?
Absolutely NOT.
66. Post four selfies (or pictures) that you originally took to your friends.
Okay. First the photograph of the intact sand dollar I found at the beach right as I began my medical transition; a symbol of new beginnings that I still have and will be carefully shadowboxing with this photograph.



And my second favorite thing naturescapes, specifically winter sunrise and sunset.



67. Are there any movie scenes that make you cry every time?
Yes I avoid movies that make me cry.
68. Do you have friends you consider as family?
Yes, my best friend Osaka, her brother Wotan, Steve, and many many people from my livejournal friendslist.
69. Are you a morning person?
Ah no. If I am awake in morning it is because I must be for work or because I have not slept.
70. Heavy or light sleeper?
I don't know. I don't sleep well. I have sleep apnea but it hasn't been properly diagnosed so it's not being treated yet.

Ace

I have a huge backlog of emotion that I am trying to process. Two weeks ago I had an accidental gap in one of my medications that was corrected but caused some havoc hormonally and emotionally. It's been sorted but it made a mess of me in conjunction with finals and other things going on.

Some of the emotional stuff is in regards to my upcoming move at the end of spring semester. Some of it is stuff I never processed from just before fall semester started, and some of it is realizations I had while doing research for the big English projects for my English 111 class.

I did my projects on Asexuality as a sexual identity. Those who know me, know that I have been married, have dated, have had romantic interest, and those who know me very very well, know that having sexual attraction has always been a tricky thing for me. I just.. either I do or I don't. I have had sexual interest maybe twice in my lifetime and it was a fleeting feeling, like a sneeze that doesn't happen.

I did my huge essays, my power point, my big counts for the big grades projects on asexuality, on the research that is already out there, and then my own opinion piece as my final project, and I realized in doing this, that I am never ever going to be happy in a relationship. I am super interested in romance, in relationships, in intimacy, but not in anything at all to do with sexual relationships. It squicks me out. I've tried it. I don't like it. My stuff doesn't work correctly. I don't enjoy it.

I have zero issues with other people having their relationships and romance and that including sexual intimacy but I don't want to negotiate that minefield. I don't want it. My stuff is broken. It always has been. I have less than zero interest in any goings past a friendly hug or maybe leaning into a friend to watch a film and I can do that with a FRIEND. So I'm done.

I'm not going to put my health and safety at risk on the off-chance that someone is willing to put up with dealing with my very specific needs of non-sex. Like, not ever. So I just won't date. I will go to school, and get a degree, and be a translator, or a teacher or both, or do something else, I don't know.

It's so rare for me to find anyone that I have any genuine interest in anyway and the odds of that person being interested in me too are not in my favor, let alone the odds that they would be fine with what I need. So I just won't.

This is the end of Fall 2015 Semester~!

All of my grades are final except for my English grade, which I believe should be up by.. Saturday. I think my professor said he had to have them in by tomorrow so maybe they will show by then. I'm not sure how that works on the college level.

Pending confirmation, I can tentatively say that I have worked very hard at the cost of my health and sanity and produced A's in ALL of my classes. In English before my final is graded, my weighted average is 101%.

I really enjoyed English 111. I had a great professor, an incredibly patient man, who was willing to work with me, was patient when I was confused, and helped me when I needed clarification and extra review, on assignments via e-mail. I realize that I can't expect that from the average professor which makes me all the more thankful for having gotten to know this one. I give him a Christmas card, with a link to the family blog, and also asked if I could keep in touch via e-mail and maybe facebook if he was comfortable since I would no longer be his student.

I also really enjoyed my classes with my ASL professor, and will dearly miss her, but I was unable to learn enough ASL to communicate my desire to keep in touch clearly. So, I may see if her facebook is public next semester and send a friends request then. I know that she keeps in touch with many former students as they tend to flock to catch up at the Silent Dinners and other Deaf Events, and I can understand it. She's a nice woman, very sweet, friendly, and makes learning a very difficult language fun. She is also incredibly patient, and despite the minor language barrier (she is fluent in written English as well, but profoundly Deaf), is excellent at understanding beginning students who have only gesture and confusion to communicate with.

I can't celebrate properly until I see my final English grade but I am excited. I set out to get straight As and until I am told otherwise, and despite SERIOUS setbacks I did exactly that. Now I can go and enjoy Mr B's first CD (he gave me a copy of his first CD in class today, which I asked about earlier this semester, and I will be tracking down his new release very soon) and ponder some thoughts that were brought up by all the research I did for my final English projects.

In regards to school, I have dropped *ASL 3  for spring semester and am taking a slightly lighter course load so that I can prepare for my move back to Texas without the stress of the move and finals killing me towards the end. I have three, 3 credit hour courses now, instead of four, and so will have a total of 9 credit hours for spring semester instead of 12.

I have a huge post that I need to write later about my English project(s) but I want to get back what I turned in today first, because I want to see further comments from Mr B (if there are any) before I share my thoughts.

*I told some ASL classmates that I had dropped ASL 3 and they called me a quitter and refused to let me explain my COMPLETELY LEGITIMATE HEALTH REASONS.

I’m only taking a short break to get my health on track and focusing on other classes in my native language. I will come back to ASL once I am in Texas seeing my specialist(s) and no longer have the health issues of brain reverting to English in panic mode when I stand up for presentations.

I KNOW the signs. I’m just not capable of signing them when I go tachycardic, and lightheaded and my brain switches to lock down mode.

USPS Mail Sorter

To the USPS Mail Sorter that mistook the folded up letter from my aunt for a gift-card (which is mentioned in the Christmas card but not found in the already torn open envelope) you are an ASS.

It's nice to know that the once yearly information I get from my aunt in California is worth Federal mail tampering charges should you be caught. I'm assuming you pocketed it with other stolen gift cards and the like and will discover it's actually about family health and how she is doing and personal stuff once you check the spoils of your ill gotten goods.

Thank you for at least letting me have the card from her, since it's the only correspondence I receive from my father's side of my family.

No love, Rory.

Doll Arrivals and last week of school BLAAAARGFFFF

Today, the items I ordered in group orders from WAY earlier this year on Ravelry via group order arrived safely. Among the items are a Loongsoul Beck Centaur with unicorn horn, and two sets of antlers and three different tail types. I will have him as an Albino Deertaur. I also have a brown Camillia Dynasty Sage (Yo-SD scaled pony) which will be painted up to be a tiny Epona, and a little cat to ride around on Robbie's head. The cat is painted so I can do a photo of that I suppose.



The others will have to wait as my camera is not charged, and I still have school work I need to work on I have an essay to polish for English, and a story to polish for ASL (to sign for my last video to be recorded in class Monday evening), and tomorrow morning I have a sign language event and just.. last week of school. @_@

Spring semester starts in January then goes through to I believe May, and then I will be back in Texas. I may be shuffling my class schedule before school starts. I signed up for a full 12 credit hours, 4 classes of 3 credit hours apiece and I'm struggling at the end of this semester juggling just two 3 credit classes. =_=

I haven't bought my spring books yet or put my Spring schedule in at work yet so I can still tweak if I need to.

ALSO TODAY I REFILLED ALL THE PRESCRIPTIONS. Super productive.

Left ankle, you're fired.

I don't know who gave my left ankle permission to fall out from under me again as I was walking to the bus stop on the way to work but that's not the way to get a day off. ;)

In all seriousness though, I am really tired of my joints doing this to me, and my falling on pavement or who knows where, frequently alone where I can't easily get assistance if I am really hurt. I got away this time with scuffed knee, palms and a braced ankle, but it could have been far worse.

Mental Health.

I have tipped over until fully blown not-functional. I knew it was coming but wasn't sure when exactly. It happened.. Wednesday? on the 2nd I think. I ended up calling out of work because of migraine. I worked slowly and painfully on schoolwork and went to class. That was painful. I got home and flipped out on Osaka. I cried. I don't remember much. I apologized. I woke up Tuesday and went to class. I flipped out. I cried. I had my English professor baby-step me through salvaging my project so half of that is done (the powerpoint half), and now I need to write a rhetorical analysis essay on it. I also need to write an essay for ASL over the weekend.

Also Pherret is in town for the weekend. I am ... not functional enough to process anything about that, but I am happy to see him and I hope that I am appropriately expressing that. He accidentally triggered me this evening, and I don't know how to say anything about it because he was trying to be honest about a serious thing and I appreciate that, but it was alarming and I can't process it. So..

I have two essays to write. I need to pick from a selection of topics for ASL, and write a 3 page essay for that, and also do my analysis of my powerpoint for English. Anyone have ideas on how to focus when your world is crumbling at your feet?

This sensation feels an awful lot like falling.

Currently stumbling backwards into a pit of self doubt with a precipice of glimmering future balanced on a razor wire in front of me to grab hold of. It's only going to hurt like like hell either way.