Ten days of whatever. Day Five.

This one was hard for me, because I do have regrets, but those decisions have shaped me into the person I am today, and overall, I like who I am, so I recognize how important these decisions were in the grand scheme of my growth as a person.

Day Five: (Six things you wish you'd never done)

1. I wish I hadn't gotten married at 19, for the stupid reasons I did. I was not motivated by love, but by desperation.

2. I wish I hadn't made the choice to stick it out, when I knew our marriage was over at 6 months. There were real, good reasons it couldn't work, and they were the ultimate undoing of us.

3. I shouldn't have kept my biggest secret to myself, and tried to deny and ignore it when I realized it. It made me paranoid, depressed, and I felt ashamed.

4. I wish I'd had the strength and confidence to tell Nick off when he let his family talk down to me, and say awful things about and to me. There is no reason anyone should have to put up with that kind of emotional abuse. So to phrase it appropriately, I wish I'd hadn't let people walk all over me.

5. I wish I had been strong enough to come out to my family when I was living in the same state as them. I was scared for no good reason. I was terrified of being shunned, abandoned.

6. I wish I hadn't decided to ignore my discovery, for the reasons I did. I was trying to be a decent person, I can say, but honestly I was just scared. I can't say I'd be the same if I had moved forward with transition at age 20, but I'd be further along, I suspect. It's hard to say.