So I was encouraged by Osaka, to voice one of my irrational fears. As many of you are aware, I've been staying with Osaka and Pherret and their son Ringo, since Nick kicked me out, minus a 9 month period where I went back to Texas. It's been like three years now I think, not counting those 9 months. In April I think it will be three years, minus from October 2008 to June 2009.
Anyway for this time I've been sleeping on the couch in their living room, since they have a 2 bedroom apartment, and the second bedroom is their son's room. We've talked about me sharing a room with Ringo since a bit before I came back, but I've just not gotten the furniture, or really looked into a storage unit, as I need to do.
I placed the reason I've been so hesitent to buy a bed, and it is the most irrational fear I think I've ever experienced. I'm afraid that if I buy furniture I will end up homeless. Not because I think Osaka and Pherret will kick me out, or anything like that. I'm just convinced that if I buy furniture I will end up homeless. I'll have spent money on something big I can't take with me, and can't easily store.
And, if there's anything I hate, it's spending money on something I can't use. I recognize that purchasing a bed (or desk, chair, bookshelf, etc) is not going to automatically cause me to become homeless, and that it's a CRAZY fear, but it's totally why I haven't bought a bed.
I could have, with my tax return last year, but my laptop was dying, and it made sense to invest in a replacement, (and also that's portable) and I can justify buying dolls somehow, but I just.. I'm scared to buy furniture.
This year I am going to do it. I will buy my bed, and a mattress, sheets, etc, and then I will use the remainder of my tax return for a downpayment on Arvid, because I would still like him, and I can justify him better if I also do something responsible with the other portion of my return.
Now as for what triggered this weird fear, I suspect it's because when Nick and I were discussing our divorce terms, he told me I could take the furniture. I liked the furniture but there was no way I could take it with me. Mainly because I had nowhere to PUT it, since he had kicked me out on my ass. If I had been employed, found my own apartment etc, I doubt I would now be experiencing this irrational fear at the thought of buying a bed.
But, that's where I am. I have an irrational fear of buying furniture.