Thursday, February 7, 2008

I think my fever broke.

I think the worst of my flu is passing. I'm beginning to feel more lucid at any rate. And with my lucidity, I'm feeling angry again. Which may sound dumb, but it's like, when I was passed out from the NyQuil, I wasn't having to deal with anything really.

And now I'm at the point that I'm watching Nick and Ti interact and I just wanna punch her in the face. I don't pretend that I always treated him right, but I feel like I was respectful to him. And she really isn't. I don't think she even cares, and that makes me even more angry.

Our divorce is not about HER. I mean, that's one of the reasons but she shouldn't have any sort of say in any of it. And I resent her for thinking she has a right to say anything about it. When I try to talk to him about things she's always there butting in.

I wish I didn't have to stay to sort out the papers. I wish there was a magical "everything is done" button I could push. I don't want to screw myself in the end, but I am SO tempted to jump a bus back to Texas and just throw caution to the wind. I'm not going to do that, but I just wish, we could get things moving faster.

I just want it all to be done. I want to get started on putting my life back together NOW. Ugh. This is the worst time to be impatient too. So I'm gonna go take a shower, and find something to channel my rage into.


  1. This is why people drink, honey, or take drugs, or use sex as their drug-of-choice. To numb the pain. I'm so glad that you're smarter and wiser than that!

    Take it from the woman who knows: exercise is a better tool for pain management. A little walking, some gentle stretches, and if you have an indoor pool nearby a few laps a day.

    Our family friend with the five sons and the one daughter [is that discreet enough?] used to play racquetball, but I don't think I will *ever* be that much in shape. Or want to!

    Exercise will siphon off the negative energy, clear your head for productive thought, and give you all those happy little endorphins that will enable you to continue to endure the unendurable for long enough to get the job done in a way that you will be proud of.

    And remember prayer. Your sisters and I can't be there to hug you, but we are holding you up in our prayers, and there is One who loves you even more than we do, who will help you bear this.

    And one last Mom-ism? Write down five things, every day, that you are thankful for. Even if you don't post them on your blog. You will be amazed at how such a small thing will help you see more clearly.

  2. That "stupid" five things... Mom made me do it once when I was pretty down and it really did help. Some days all I could be thankful for was that I was born with ten toes or something but it was better than having nothing at all I could think of.

    In an another insallment of unasked for advice, you have every right to be able to have some conversations with Nick with out Ti there. These may have to be scheduled ahead of time and assume that whatever you say to him will be relayed to her but it will be easier to actually finish a conversation if it is just the two of you. Have you found someone you can stay with while the details get sorted out? Have you been able to talk to the base lawyers? His commanding officer? I know you may not want to but it is the best way to get the ball rolling and move on with the dirty details.

  3. Remember what my friend said, in situations like these, once you talk to his CO and the JAG on base, most commonly he will have to move into base housing, you will get to stay in your place until the divorce is final, and TI can hoof it to the homeless shelter *maniacal laughter*. Forget about "hurting" people and do what you have to do. Love ya, mean it. :)


About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.