Properly Introducing Rowan.

Please forgive the poor lighting. There was no natural light available when I got home from work.



Rowan's proper wig arrived today, and Osaka did his faceup for me while I was at work. He now has a nice soft neutral and natural looking faceup, with a slight smile, and he matches his twin pretty nicely.

Laurel's wig is darker than his (Leekeworld Kosha 8/9 in Sandy Brown), but it's a compelling contrast between the two. I may trim his wig in the next couple of weeks. I'm trying to decide how long I want to leave it, to suit his surfer boy look.

Tomorrow I will get photos of Laurel and Rowen together again, in natural light at some point, to show how they look properly like siblings now.

Yay! I'm so damned happy with him. My Volks dolls amaze me with how pretty they are both in person and photos. Many of my dolls look much better in person, or better in photos.

Post the dolls you got in 2012

I saw a couple of you post along these lines and I never need much of an excuse to show off my dolls so here we go!

The dolls that I got in 2012, in order of receipt.

Fairyland Pukipuki Cupid 2 named Reji Dragonborn


Volks MSD Hewitt on SD Cute boy body named Bear


Batchix Machina Gamma named Orion


Volks SD13 F16 boy in sunlight skin named Rowan


There are two or three dolls I hope to acquired in 2013, but it will be interesting to see how that actually goes.

Rowan's wig and outfit should arrive tomorrow while I'm at work. :] Faceup, I'm aiming to do Tuesday. Weather and such providing.

My first complete SD doll! 8D

So I have in my hands today my first full SD scaled doll. I've had two heads waiting for bodies, but no full SD scaled dolls until now.

I purchased, from a good friend, via an extended layaway, my very own SD13 F16 sunlight skin boy, Rowan. He is twin to Osaka's SD13 F16 sunlight skin girl, Laurel.



I have his proper wig coming (this one is on loan from Osaka), and some clothes of his own as well. This is just what I happened to have on hand that fit. I've slowly bought things in SD scale over the years, while I was collecting MSD and Yo-SD scaled dolls, knowing that eventually I would have my SD guys.

I have every intention of bringing Rowan to Texas, and am looking forward to introducing him to some of the extended doll family. :]

He will probably get a new faceup as well, since I want something a little softer like what his sister has.

I am beyond thrilled. I've known I wanted a Volks doll in Sunlight skin, and that I wanted an F16, but I didn't expect them to be the same doll, or that I'd get to buy him from a friend. :]

A Very Pony Christmas!

Merry Christmas everybody!

We've had a great morning. We had a pink tree and a white tree.


Pony stocking! Hello there Rainbow Dash!


Ringo didn't talk to Santa this year so I got Double Rainbow Dash!


Ringo got a mohawk hat. Osaka is grinning with her real mohawk.


Ringo was a champ about finding a gift for each person to open before moving on to the next gift.


It's a very pony Christmas. Rainbow Dash headphones. :]



Even Uncle Awesome had a pony heavy Christmas.



Domo buttons! NyanDomo!


I mustache you a question, but I'll shave it for later.


That Nyancat on the tree was for me! It plays the song!


Ringo got a pink Nyancat!


More ponies!


Even MORE ponies!


All the ponies!


Ponies for everyone!


I really needed a new wallet, so YAY!


Osaka and Wotan's Mom derped on the card, signing her name first.



That's all the gifts!


Christmas swag! Not pictured, Skyrim DLC Dawnstar, and Dragonborn. Yay yay!

Pretty awesome Christmas so far, and that's not just because of the swag. No hurt feelings, no drama. Yay!

Spicy buffalo, bacon, black olives LIVES!

This week has sucked. There have been some ups but mostly downs. At this point I am counting down to January.

In the course of the week, I've had a massive panic attack, Really Upsetting News, and been outed at work. Not on the same day, or related to each other.  It's been an all week party, except for the part where it's fun or you want to be there.

There have also been ups. Ringo had his first Strings concert, and I have some photos of him setting his cello up.


I got approval from my Store and Area Managers to leave in late January to early February to visit Mom and Mert (my step-father), and found out that I don't have to scramble for my plane ticket.

I get paid tomorrow and will be finishing a layaway on one of my dream dolls through a friend. I will also be going to my doctor with a list of all my current medications because they have LOST MY MEDICAL RECORDS.

Osaka went to pick up my prescriptions for me today, along with Ringo's meds, and the pharmacy told her that the clinic had no record of such prescriptions for me. Never mind that I've been getting them at that pharmacy for upwards of three years, the same meds, the same dosages.

The clinic that I go to, is under new management with all new staff aside from the doctor, and has a new computer system as well. Apparently they didn't port over all of the medical files from the old system.

I had to go correct that to get my migraine medicine about two weeks ago, and assumed it would be fine from there. No one told me that all records of my medication had been lost. So I get to drag my meds with me to the clinic tomorrow, and hope my doctor will comp this visit for the trouble, because while I do have medical insurance in the works, it won't kick in until January 1st.

Changing notes here, I know I haven't been online much this year. It's been a bad year. The best things that happened were Mom getting married, and me getting my promotion/job shift. My job has continued to be a good thing for me, and Mert is fantastic for Mom. Unfortunately he is dealing with some very serious health issues, and if I want a chance to get to know him, and spend any kind of time making memories with him, I need to do it NOW.

So I will be going to Texas for just shy of two weeks to spend time with them, and anyone else who would like to see me while I'm there. I'm focusing on Mom and Mert, and the family in general, but I would love to get together and have lunch with those of you in the area at some point.

I'll be flying out on January 28th, and returning February 8th, so I can be back in time for Ringo's birthday (Feb 11th). I may be out there again later in the year, but that will depend on work, and other factors.

Touching on the outing. It was at another location. I received an unsolicited e-mail from one of the other Amazon associates, with this under a work-related question:

"BTW-congrats on your trans process. I asked a stupid question today - if "Rory" was a girl or guy. And got my answer. Awesome. Be true to yourself. Good luck!"

This is someone whom I've not met face to face, but we've spoken on the phone, and e-mailed back and forth regarding work. I don't know her personally and have never said anything to her, or anyone at that store (which is in Pennsylvania). I've met the store manager from that store, last year when he was down here during the acquisition meetings.

We had the HR, your business is your own, what constitutes sexual harassment etc meetings then, and again each time someone new is hired. I'm stealth at work. I pass pretty much 100% of the time now, and any customers who might recognize me don't see me, since I have an office in the back, and only come out to drop off packages. They may have thoughts or ideas, but they keep them to themselves, since the co-workers who know shut them down, and the ones who don't know what they're talking about have nothing to say, because THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT.

The only two people who could have outed me, are my Area Manager, who DIDN'T, and the store manager from the Pennsylvania store, who should have known better. I spoke with my Area Manager today about that first and foremost, then the situation at home in Texas, and then made sure he was aware I'm trying to schedule my chest surgery, and how long I would likely be out for that.

And the title of today's post comes from dinner. We frequently order Pizza and Wings (about once a paycheck) from a local chain called Cal'z Pizza. I get their spicy buffalo pizza with bacon and black olives, every single time. There was a time (when money wasn't as tight) that I ordered a few times a week, same order. I was delighted and speculative about what exactly they meant by "Spicy Buffalo, bacon, b.o. LIVES!"

It's great Pizza by the way.

Huge Step, I'm Nervous

So, I've finally contacted a plastic surgeon in regards to top surgery. They don't specifically list what I want to do, but I sent an inquiring e-mail. I'm nervous, but I've been putting this off for at least a year now. I was nervous before I started testosterone too.

Surgery is a big deal, but I do feel that it is truly necessary for the quality of my life to improve, since no matter how much weight I lose, breasts don't just go away like love handles can.

I also realize that because I am still on the heavy side, they may decline to perform surgery yet, but if I don't try to schedule a consult, I will never know.

I wanted to have this done, the finding a surgeon, pinning down numbers, maybe even all healed up, by the time I hit 30. If it's less than I expect, that is still possible. I have about 8 months till then. I can use Care Credit for part of it, I just need to pay that down. I'm hoping it will be somewhere in the $1000-$3000 range. That's something I can plan for. If it's more than that, then I just can't do it yet.

Something else to consider is that I will have medical insurance as of January 1st, and I MAY be able to have some of the cost covered, if this is a doctor willing to help me fight that battle. Plastic surgery is a hard thing to get covered, but if it's deemed medically necessary, or to correct something causing health issues, you can sometimes get away with it.

The doctor I've contacted is local too, so I wouldn't have to worry about traveling to another state (or country) and all that goes in hand with that. His practice is right here in Virginia Beach, and if he doesn't want to do it, there is actually a large Plastic Surgeon market locally, so that's not the end of it.

Wish me luck. It is going to take all my nerve to do this, and it is something that I do feel that I need to do. I've thought hard about it for years and always new I wanted a reduction at the VERY least, but the truth is, that I just want them gone.

I've never had any kind of surgical procedure, unless my root canal counts, so I'm nervous about the healing process as well as going under anesthetic, and trusting someone to sculpt my body in the way I need.

Coping mechanism?

It just occurred to me that I've gotten so used to explaining/excusing my feelings, behaviors, and opinions that I forgot that isn't normal, or healthy for that matter.

I seem to do it to everyone though and over time they accept it as a neurosis.

The fact of the matter is that it started when I was very young, explaining away bruises. I think I should keep that in mind and learn to stop doing it.

Some might laugh that this post is more of the same. Maybe it is, but as I tend to re-read my posts it's also a reminder.

Unless you truly need an explanation, or in cases where that is socially appropriate, I am no longer going to rationalize my every thought to you. General you, not any specific person.

That said I hope everyone is having a nice week. It's been nice comfortably cool weather for a few weeks in Virginia Beach and I'm loving it.

Good night everyone!

Swanky Watches

Awhile back I got a Bose ipod speaker dock with auxiliary port to use with my phone and MP3 player, from work. Then I finally got it set up and realized that there is A) no room in our room for it, and B) I use headphones at home anyway. I let it sit there for maybe a week before I decided NOPE.

So I took it back in today and exchanged it for store credit, which I then used to get two watches from work. We get in lots of nice watches, but they don't tend to sell quickly if they're priced over $100, so sometimes there are some real steals.

In this case I bought what were originally $800 watches, for about $60 apiece, after my employee discount (store priced for $79.99). They both go for about $200 used in similar condition online.

The first is the Sturling Nemo MC which is in nearly perfect condition. It has one blemish at the top, but that's it. I bought this one outright.

The second is the Sturling Raven Diablo which IS in perfect condition. I put that one on layaway with the rest of the store credit, and it's about half paid off.

I've been looking for the right dress watch, and the first one is gorgeous and brown and would be awesome for something psuedo-steampunk. The second would also look great with that, and also with any non casual outfit I might care to wear.

I also bought my G-shock at work ($30 after employee discount), which is the Red G-lide. It's small and comfortable, and waterproof up to 30 feet which is great for summer/beach wear. That one I purchased at the beginning of the year when my Mossimo's wrist strap broke at work.

I've gotten some really great deals buying things gently used (or new in box) at work, over the year and some I've been there. I don't spend willy nilly, but I do enjoy nice things, and I REALLY enjoy getting nice things inexpensively.

It's still bothering me.

I've had time to calm down and think on it and reflect and this is still driving me absolutely crazy, so I think I will be deleting the offending party.

What I'm getting at is that we have nothing in common we don't agree on anything and there's no reason we should be on each others friendslist.

It might be different if
we had familial ties, or more in common than about two decades of incidental contact through siblings, but all he's ever done is tease.

Maybe it's well meaning or maybe it's as passive aggressive as it feels. Passive aggression has been a part of my life as long as I can remember. It's stamped all over the family, and those who are less so now, have worked for years to curb those behavioral problems.

I'm not going to invite further stress. We don't need to have that much in common but we do need to be able to communicate honestly with no ulterior motives, real or perceived.

ALL THE RAGE

Okay so.. If you are on facebook, and I post something contrary to your opinion, the common response is to ignore it yes? So long as I'm not like, posting directly to your wall or something.

That's what I do at least. If we have different religious or political views, I respect that.

I posted this:


And someone on my friendslist responded with this:

"so, is there an official child toy tester where someone walks around with the junk hanging out to see if it is a childs toy or not? when we walk into a toys-r-us and we aren't REALLY sure if it is a childs toy, we need to just whip it out and see? great, now that i'm thinking about it, who puts the child safety labels on?..someone that figured out some weird way to play with the toy with their genitals? no, this is guide is an utter failure - really, how did hand puppets and batons get past this guide?"

Which I was like, wait what? Okay that seems like a troll post but I'll give them the benefit of the doubt. I should have let it go, but this person has done similar out of left field passive aggressive feeling responses recently, and it got under my skin.

I posted this in response:

"The point is, there is no reason why boys and girls can't or shouldn't be allowed to play with the same toys if they want to. Who cares of it's pink or blue or rainbow? So your kid likes sports, or cooking or crafts, it shouldn't matter whether they are a boy or a girl."

And they responded thusly:

"yeah, i got the intended message. my point was to mock it. sure, kids can play with whatever toys they want, but gender-based toys are just as important as non-gender toys. the push for blurring the line between the genders is harmful to our society and to the individual."



And my immediate response was RAGE. I've always been a bit sensitive, and the person in question knew me when I was in my early teens and WAY more sensitive than I am now, and far more reactionary. The second post confirmed to me that they were actually trying to push my buttons and make me uncomfortable.

This guy was a member of one of the first families that welcomed mine when we moved to Arlington. They had five sons and one daughter, the baby who was about the same age as Faythe, and her best friend for years. In recent past Mom dated his Father, prior to Step-Dad, and they seemed to be getting serious. I added the whole family on facebook, because even if our parents didn't get married we all grew up together and theoretically have something in common.

In the last year, the daughter got married, and apparently my transition was a HUGE (whispered) topic at her wedding. So, that last bit of his post strikes me as a stab at me personally. "I don't approve of who you are, or what you do."

I responded with this:

"Name, I have to disagree. Kids know who they are. If your little girl likes my little pony and ninja turtles there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to enjoy both. If your son likes my little pony and ninja turtles, again, there is no reason why he shouldn't be able to enjoy both. What toys you play with does not determine gender or sexuality. That's ingrained. I'm not dictating how you raise your kids. I just don't think that there is anything wrong with playing with toys. Period."

I'm still REALLY upset by this, and I think between this and some of the other crap he's "playfully" said lately, I probably should just delete him. But I'm just so mad that he felt the need to comment on something he obviously disagreed with. I really don't see how my being who I am, negatively affects him. Our parents didn't marry, he doesn't have to claim me as family. He doesn't have to pretend to approve, but he can certainly keep that crap far away from me.

I don't like feeling like a target when I share something I feel passionately about. I'm not saying boys HAVE to play with dolls, or HAVE to play football. I'm saying they should be able to choose, with no judgement from their parents or society. I should have been able to play any sport I wanted to, assuming my family could have afforded the sports equipment, in addition to taking Choir, Orchestra, and Art. There is no reason why I shouldn't have been able to play football, or hockey, or baseball aside from the fact I'm just uncoordinated.

My own parents didn't encourage playing with "boy toys". I'm still not happy about that. Kids that play with toys, just TOYS, with no pressure of choosing "gendered" toys tend to be well adjusted happy adults. Most of the people I really like and respect played with both "boy" and "girl" toys.

I'm not saying there is anything WRONG with being a Girly girl, or a Man's man. But that should be YOUR choice, not your parent's.

I'm done. You don't have to agree with me. Just respect me.