Shaving, or the lack thereof.

So, I'm out at my new workplace, which should probably go without saying. I am going by my chosen name, so that I can get used to responding to it, and the only people who know my legal name, are management.

I've also stopped shaving. While I was putting in on online applications I stopped shaving entirely and discovered that my beard filled in alot better than it did when I was shaving it about twice a week. So, I'm letting it grow and see how it fills in. I've got a good amount of fuzz coming in, but it's not a full beard yet, or even really close to it.

I had planned to shave and ignore it until I was post-chest surgery, but I am getting more consistently read as male when I have the 5 o'clock shadow. Babyface means I get Ma'am still, even with the dropped voice and masculine face. And oh boy has my face gone that way. These photos are from last night:




It's amazing to me how much my face continues to change. It was awkward and puffy for months as everything adjusted. I seem to be past all that now, and the acne I was experiencing has mostly cleared up. Especially since I stopped shaving. I've had trouble spots on my right side to the extent that not as much hair comes in on that side. I'm just washing and moisturizing it now, not shaving, not trimming.

Once it all gets to a length I'll begin trimming it, but for now, I'm letting it go a bit. :]

Technically employed.

So, exciting news. I have a job. A friend of mine let me know when a bunch of her co-workers got canned for various reasons, and I put in my application. Luckily enough I'd done some chit-chat and pleasant small-talk with the store manager, night before at said friend's birthday party. She (the manager) and the other manager think I am exactly what they are looking for.

My orientation (paperwork etc) is tomorrow starting 1pm, and they'll have me stay to begin training. I had to run around and buy some things last minute since they have a set uniform. I went and got some black slacks, a new black belt, and some black polishable work boots. They'll have a work shirt for me in a day or two, and in the meantime I can wear a blue polo (which I already have) to work.

It's a little shop that is essentially a "classy" pawnshop. It looks like a rent-to-own place in terms of the quality of products and the way it's all displayed, and the associates are all friendly. I'm already on great terms with three of the managers since one of them, is the afore-mentioned friend, who is in her manager training right now. The other two, were impressed with my diplomacy, and my ability to say no, firmly and apologetically. Because, this is a shop that buys their stock from customers, to sell. They don't get shipments from other places, everything for sale is stuff they've bought from people. And Katy, the friend of mine, says they want me for the buy shop, because they think I'll be pretty good at knowing what I can and should buy and what a reasonable price is, and how to let people down easy or diffuse angry people as necessary.

The job is on a 30 day probationary term, but it's certainly a start. Katy has been there quite a while, and I know if I have questions she'll be able to help me out as necessary. I'm nervous because it's different from the retail experience I do have, but I'm excited because it means I am, at least for the moment, employed. If this turns out not be something I can do well, at least it's something bringing in a paycheck for the moment.

Apollo has a face!

So Osaka painted Apollo up for me yesterday, much to my delight. I went to a birthday party though so there were no pics until today. :] I'm very pleased with how he turned out. However, I find that white dolls are still a pain and a half to photograph without them going all glowy and washed out in direct sunlight. :[

Anyhow these the my favorites from today. :D

The second to last one is my desktop wallpaper now. Funnily enough my last three wallpapers have been my Soom dolls. The first was Doran, and the one I had until now was Starshine. :]

Two drawings and a minor rant.

Okay, I don't pretend to be a spectacular artist, but I occasionally do sketches that I'm happy with. These fall into that category.

The first is a self portrait. I don't do them frequently for probably pretty obvious reasons. Or if I do, they aren't especially accurate. This one is more than they generally are.

And then we have Apollo. That would be my Soom Shale. His new wig has arrived, but he is not yet painted. I'm still getting a feel for his personality, but I'm pleased overall.



I tend to bond with my dolls through sewing for them, and exploring how they (their characters) might react to theoreticall situations. Apollo seems to be playful, a bit snarky, and maybe a touch of a hipster. I want to make him a t-shirt or three with "ironic" sayings. Overall though he seems to be pretty sweet, and have a clear sense of what he wants to wear, which makes things easy in theory. So far, I've made him a pair of star-print boxer-briefs, and I have fabric set aside to make him a hoodie or t-shirt (or both), and some denim. I need to draft a skinny jean pattern.

If weather permits, Apollo will probably get faceupped tomorrow morning. There's just too much going on tonight for that to be an option.

Side rant:

I'm very very pleased Pherret enjoyed his vacation and came home safely. I am displeased that he's been spooling back up a bit more each day since his return. He was really chill and relaxed for about four days, and has been chippy on a sliding scale for the last three days. Sunday we were all home for the first time in MONTHS, because I used to work every weekend. It was a pretty quiet mellow day until out of the blue he snapped off about how he was sick of hearing us yell at Ringo and the dogs all damn day. Osaka and I exchanged a side glance and bit our tongues. We'd been calling Ringo and the dogs most of the day, just like "Hey come here a minute" or "Hey Bitsy/Sadie, lay down/come here/get out of that". Basic commands/direction none of which were said in anything more than a casual/relaxed tone.

I'm so tired of him being stressed out all the time. I want to be supportive and I KNOW it's the PTSD, but I've just lost all patience for him. It's come down to me retreating into my headphones with a quiet word to Osaka that I've reached my max Pherret Socialization. How sad is that? He's seriously one of my very good friends, and while he and I aren't as close as Osaka and I are, I'd like to be able to be frank and honest with him, and I just CAN'T talk to him about it at all. All attempts turn into him talking over the person, and/or flat out ignoring/misinterpreting what they say. He gets crazy beligerant, and rude, and there's just no talking to him.

I am so exasperated. He's a great friend, but he's incredibly hard to live with, with the PTSD. It wasn't like this (at least not NEARLY to this extent) pre-Afghanistan.

Introducing Apollo (Soom Shale)

My Soom Shale arrived today! My hands are shaking a bit too much, and I haven't gotten any good photos yet. He doesn't have a faceup yet, but Osaka has agreed to do him up for me, once she's feeling a bit better.

I did have some great eyes on hand for him, and he's borrowing one of Ichigo's fur wigs right now. His wig shipped yesterday, so should arrive tomorrow or Friday.

This is the wig I've got coming for him:


I wasn't expecting Shale to arrive today at all. My tracking never updated past the 4th, where it cleared customs at 5:31am. I'd had my hopes up yesterday and was REALLY disappointed when my new laptop cord arrived but there was no box from Soom. I mean I needed the cord, mine died mysteriously last week, and I've been borrowing Osaka's on and off as my computer has needed charging. But, I wasn't remotely excited, I was just overwhelmed with disappointment. So I had no expectations for today.

Which, is probably why I was still feeling a bit less than enthusiastic when I initially started opening the box. I mean I got over it real fast, but I was well into the box before I started to feel that new doll glow.

I'm not crazy about the unicorn parts in this scale. I mean there's nothing WRONG with them, but they don't charm me the way that Starshine does. I've set those parts aside and will come look at them again later.

After dressing Shale and playing with him a bit, I've concluded that his name is Apollo. I don't think there is any actual connection with the Greek mythology, but I brushed up on it anyway. :]

And now that my hands aren't shaking so badly, here he is. My apologies for his lack of faceup. That will be remedied shortly.



It's interesting to me, what differences there are, not just in scale, between Shale, and Beyla. The eyes are a slightly different shape, the lips are much lippier, and the face is longer but still rather baby-faced. I may do a side-by-side comparison between Moonbeam and Apollo once he's got a faceup.

Sadface.

Bah! I was really hoping Shale would arrive today but he was only released from Customs at 5:31am. I know he would arrive tomorrow normally. However, tomorrow is Labor Day. So I will likely have Shale in hand Tuesday instead. :( EMS does deliver on Sundays here, so it wasn't a ridiculous expectation.

Also the last several dolls I've gotten direct from company (read Iplehouse) were in my hands less than 42 full hours after they shipped. So I had kind of high expectation.

And aside from slight letdown, I've been feeling a little rundown today. I woke up at a reasonable hour, 9:30-ish, and from the start just felt weak.

Now I'm attributing it to a combination of fatigue from being out and about for 3 days running, and being back on my thyroid medicine. I refilled all my prescriptions 2 weeks ago but overlooked that one, somehow, and so I was off it for about 2 solid weeks. Today was my second day back on it, and I've felt weak, heat sensitive, and dizzy/lightheaded. I think fatigue plays a huge part in it as well, both physical and emotional fatigue. I've had a hell of a month.

Blood sugar may have also played a part. I've gotten used to eating 3 times a day, at pretty regular intervals, on workdays. I'd eat some breakfast, pack a balanced and filling lunch, and frequently have a nice dinner waiting for me when I got home from work.

On non-work days I tend to forget to eat. There's no pressure to eat when I first wake up, if I'm not going anywhere. I might remember that I should eat, about five hours after I wake up, but if I'm home I'm probably playing videogames, or engrossed in conversation or crafts etc with Osaka, so there's no guarentee I'll eat then either.

Today I ate some leftovers a few hours after I woke up. Several hours later I was laying on my bed playing Pokemon and ignoring hunger pains until Osaka came to visit with me. I ate a handful of cheezits.

Cue a dizzy spell when finally feeling hungry I walk to the store with Osaka to pick up dinner. So I ate a bag of peanut M&Ms on the walk home. I felt wobbly, I got pale, and I felt flushed. That was why I thought it might be the thyroid medicine. It can cause heat sensitivity and flushing. Osaka pointed out that it was likely blood sugar. Because she is smart.

The End.

First phone interview.

I had a phone interview with Geico today. If I am hired, which is pending approval from a hiring manager after they get results from a background check, I would be starting at just shy of $14 an hour. And, I'm told, after the first three months of training, it would increase by 10%. Which would put me at around $15 and some change.

That's nearly double what I made at Home Depot. And this is just a normal customer service job, from what explained to me. I'd work in their call center as a customer service rep. I've already had to deal with that sort of work, working returns, and as a head cashier.

I've worked in call centers before, and don't mind that sort of work, as long as it isn't telemarketing. I have NO issues with people calling in, needing help. I worked as a telesales associate at Ticketmaster when I lived in McAllen, Texas, and I didn't mind that job at all.

If I am approved, I would begin training with the next batch of hires on September 26th. During training, I'd be working day hours, Mon-Fri, I believe he said in the 8-5 range. After three months I would likely be moved to evenings, which would be 3:30-Midnight, and working alternating weekends. I don't mind that, but the buses don't run that late, so I'll need to make sure Pherret won't mind picking me up that late until I can get something else lined up.

And, un-related to that, I went by my normal doctor today, and had some blood work done. My Gender clinic closed down inexplicably in the March or April time-frame, and I haven't yet found a new specialist. My normal doctor is taking over that aspect of my care until I can find a new specialist, so they took some blood to get a new baseline, and he wrote me a prescription for my maintenance-level testosterone. I'm relieved, as I was worried about stalling out in this, while trying to find work again.

I've also just about settled on my name. I've chosen Rory Math C***. I was considering Rorick for the first name, because it is the correct spelling of Rorek, which I've gone by, for about a decade, but I decided that since I would likely be shortening it to Rory anyway, that I will just make that the name.

And one last thing COMPLETELY unrelated to job and transition, I got a shipping notice.

Way back when Shale and Adamelli were released, Osaka was kind enough to order Shale for me, and let me pay her back over time. I had a different doll on layaway at the time I believe, which is why I couldn't/didn't order it myself.

I'm really excited, and I'm thrilled that I will have a shiny new doll to play with while I wait for Geico to get back to me. They said the earliest I would likely hear from them would be Tuesday or Wednesday.

And timing-wise, this feels like a good thing, because I should have my final dental work done before the 26th, and so have nothing extraneous to worry over, in the event that I do get hired. Please wish me luck.

Picking a name.

I've been thinking hard lately about my name. Originally I'd wanted to keep my birthname, because it can be gender neutral, and I wanted my transition to be as easy as possible on my family.

I know this is a somewhat common problem for people in my position. Some jump in, and end up cycling through many names, just adding to the confusion for those struggling to help and support them. I wanted to avoid that. However, I think I do need to step away from the name I grew up with.

That name calls to mind, a young girl, for many people. And I'm not that girl. I was her, once, a long time ago, but I haven't been that little girl for quite a while.

The further I get along though, the more I see a need to have an obvious separation from that part of myself. I recognize it, and won't deny my past, but I feel that it's important that I take a new name, that fits me.

So I come to my current position. I need to pick a name. If my family and friends have any suggestions, I will happily hear them out. I'd prefer to keep my initials if I can.

Alot of transmen who name themselves end up with (in my opinion) ridiculous names, that out them as being something other than a traditional male. They go for weird spellings or unusual names for the time they were born. That's why I'm asking advice.

I know Rorek isn't a common name. Robyn is an uncommon (but known) spelling for a common name. I want something I will be able to respond to and feel right. I want something mostly normal but a little different, like what I had as a kid. I want it to sound right next to the names of my siblings and parents. And I want it to be something I can easily learn to respond to. I'd LIKE to keep my initials, RMC.


These are the R names I've found in my searchings (for first names):

Ronan - Celtic boys name which is believed to mean (meaning) little seal (the animal)

Roarke - Irish Celtic boys name which means (meaning) famous ruler

Rhain - Welsh Celtic boys name which means (meaning) lance (implying brave warrior)

Rory - Celtic boys name which is believed to mean (meaning) red haired or red king

Rowan - Celtic boys name which is believed to mean (meaning) little redhead


These are the M names I've looked at:

Melan - Celtic name of a Saint in Cornwall and Brittany

Math - Welsh boys name of uncertain origin or meaning but was a historical Welsh King

Moran - Celtic boys name which is believed to mean (meaning) white as the sea


I want something with a similar ring to my birth name, and I think combining some of these can get that. I've leaned towards Celtic, Irish, and Welsh names because of my heritage, of which I am immensely proud. I am open to more traditional American names too.

Ideally I'd like to get the name picked and have my legal name change done before year's end.

Dental Procedure part 2 of 3.

Today was a beautiful day, weather-wise. There's supposed to be some storms this evening. We (Ringo, Osaka, and I) trotted down to the Dentist's office for the second half of my dental work.

It was a bit more involved than I was aware it would be. I didn't realize they were grind down all of the remaining tooth. I thought it was more of a cap, than a false tooth bolted into the root of the original tooth. I wasn't entirely prepared for how much drilling there was, but Dr Furman was very patient with me.

Today they did the post, core, and a temporary acrylic crown, and molds/impressions to send off for my permanent crown.

One unusual thing, was that I was still able to feel the tooth, which I apparently wasn't supposed to, because of the root canal. I've had continued sensation, but no pain, since the initial procedure on the 12th.

And I continue to feel the tooth, even though, at this point all that remain are the roots, which have been thoroughly cleaned out.

The temporary crown feels a little weird. I showed it to Osaka and Ringo and they say it blends against my teeth, to where you can't tell which tooth is the false one. I'm told the permanent crown will feel more natural.

All in all, far less of a trauma than the root canal was, even though there was alot of unexpected grinding and drilling.

I go back in about two weeks for the permanent crown once it arrives to the office. That procedure at least, is supposed to be a simple one, of just popping off the plastic crown, and then permanently adhering the permanent crown.

In the meantime I'm told to avoid gum, taffy, anything sticky and chewy, and hard crunchy things. I miss gum and corn nuts. e_e;;

Awake and Thinking

I find it strange that I am somehow less stressed now that all sense of job security is shattered and I am seeking employment.

I'm still suffering from insomnia, panic attacks, etc, but they are overall far less severe than they were say, a month ago, when I was oblivious and miserable doing what I'm doing.

I wanted to find to new work anyway. I just wanted to find it before I ended my current position.

I'm finding myself even considering drawing and sewing again, both of which I all but gave up upon working full time. My position was technically a part time one, but I regularly had 40 hour weeks, and never weekends off.

I wouldn't want to (and can't afford to) go back to a part time job, but I am finding my creativity weaving it's magic again.

For instance, right now I'm wide awake. I work tomorrow but it's a closing shift. There's no feasible reason I couldn't stay up until the wee hours of the morning sewing or drawing, or just playing with my dolls. There's no light for that, but I mean that's all that is really keeping me from busting out clothes or fabric and playing dress up.

I miss this. I've been too stressed to do anything after work for about a year. Maybe longer. I come home, eat something, make a pitiful attempt at socialization, and crawl off the bed dreading tomorrow.

Right now, I'm energized from a refreshing soak in the tub, and ready to DO something. And, I don't mean turn on the xbox, or watch a movie. I actually have energy to try doing something creative. It's silly how big a deal this is.

I almost feel excited about the impending unknown. And, given my hesitance to change, this is a good thing, I think.