Awake and Thinking

I find it strange that I am somehow less stressed now that all sense of job security is shattered and I am seeking employment.

I'm still suffering from insomnia, panic attacks, etc, but they are overall far less severe than they were say, a month ago, when I was oblivious and miserable doing what I'm doing.

I wanted to find to new work anyway. I just wanted to find it before I ended my current position.

I'm finding myself even considering drawing and sewing again, both of which I all but gave up upon working full time. My position was technically a part time one, but I regularly had 40 hour weeks, and never weekends off.

I wouldn't want to (and can't afford to) go back to a part time job, but I am finding my creativity weaving it's magic again.

For instance, right now I'm wide awake. I work tomorrow but it's a closing shift. There's no feasible reason I couldn't stay up until the wee hours of the morning sewing or drawing, or just playing with my dolls. There's no light for that, but I mean that's all that is really keeping me from busting out clothes or fabric and playing dress up.

I miss this. I've been too stressed to do anything after work for about a year. Maybe longer. I come home, eat something, make a pitiful attempt at socialization, and crawl off the bed dreading tomorrow.

Right now, I'm energized from a refreshing soak in the tub, and ready to DO something. And, I don't mean turn on the xbox, or watch a movie. I actually have energy to try doing something creative. It's silly how big a deal this is.

I almost feel excited about the impending unknown. And, given my hesitance to change, this is a good thing, I think.