Moonbeam is no longer.

So, little Moonbeam just isn't speaking to me as Moonbeam anymore. I've removed her fluffy dark wig, and slapped a short red mohair wig on him. The body is gender neutral but the doll is saying Boy!

No idea yet who he is. I have in mind this wig:

Which I plan to purchase with the Denver Doll Emporium giftcard Mom got me for my birthday. And for eyes I'm considering these three.
 
They're inexpensive enough I'll probably get all three pairs and see which I like best once I have them and the wig on hand.

And in the meantime I will be going over names and seeing what sticks or stands out. :] Once I've got that and the wig/eyes sorted, I'll see whether I need to re-do his faceup.

Some interesting things. (I think)

I've been meaning to write a post better documenting all the changes and experiences I've had, but I never seem to have the focus or energy.

It should be noted that I pass about 90% of the time. I'm on the short side, and my voice isn't like super-crazy-deep. What confuses me is that I tend to read as straight male most of the time.

I consistently get women twirling their hair, playing with their lips, and other flirty cues when I'm in the buy shop and they're trying to get a better deal. Then there's the confusing aspect of lesbians hitting on me. No idea what's going on with that. I'm rocking a full beard, and they aren't using female pronouns when they talk to me, or say something to a co-worker, so I don't know if they're picking up that I'm gay, or it's a crossed wire or what.

There is also a customer who I've helped many times over the 10 months I've worked at cash converters, who will use female pronouns then correct herself saying "I don't know why I do that EVERY time, I'm sorry."

There was also a presumptuous and pushy woman who came in to sell her (ex?)boyfriend's videogames. She felt that no one should play video games, if they are older than like 5, and then said something along the lines of "but of course you're too smart to be preoccupied with something as silly as videogames, and I'd bet you don't ignore your girlfriend for xbox." And I responded "Well I don't have a girlfriend, and actually I still love videogames, have all my original systems and games and play them regularly." And she kind of stared for a minute, then rolled her eyes and left.

And then today I was getting to know a new co-worker, and mentioned that I had been a military dependant, and the new guy asked what my wife had done in the Navy. Without making a huge deal of it, I said "He was a fire controlman actually, my exhusband."

And then in complete contrast to that, we have one of the rudest most offensive customers I've ever had. He was mad that he had to wait in line for one. I was in the buyshop, had about 8 people waiting, was the only person on that side, as is usual with how undermanned we are, and he tried to jump line as soon as he walked in, asking me to quote a price on a mac. I told him I'd have to see it(cause he didn't bother to bring it in with him), and that there was a line. He got angry and asked if there was anyone else. I told him, "Nope, just me. :]" So he goes and gets it, and some xbox games, and waits. I finally get to him, quote a price, that he didn't like, and start to look at the condition of the games.

The process for that is, open the case, flip the disc, assess the scratches, close the case. I do that for each game/movie/etc that I buy. So I go through, check discs, put the ones I can take in one stack, and the others in the box he brought them in. He snaps after about 5 discs and says "FORGET IT!" and I ask "I'm sorry? Forget about the games?" and he snaps "GET OUT OF MY F*****G FACE"

And I blink, "Uh, you can't talk to me like that." He says he can talk however he wants. "Then you can take your things and leave". So he then calls me a queer looking queer-ass f****t. And I repeat "You can't talk like that in here." I do have other customers in the store, one of whom has a toddler with them. So he shouts more offensive language on the way out, slamming into the door as hard as he can and flipping me off on the way out.

So I peg some people as gay, apparently, but overall people seem to read me as a straight man. Like the guys what bought me shots on my birthday (that I barely remember). They were highfiving me for hanging out with the hot chicks(my co-workers).

I don't think I LOOK particularly gay, but you tell me!


That said I will now mention some of the noticeable changes from the last two years.

I've grown two inches in height. Which incidentally is NOT a common side effect, and by all rights shouldn't have happened. It's not "supposed" to be possible for someone who is 29 years old to grow. Theoretically my growth plates should have closed. I know one other person with my condition who has also grown as a direct result of testosterone treatment. I was told it does NOT happen, NOT to expect it, and in fact that it was impossible. My doctors are baffled (and a bit jealous, as they're both short men), but have promised to make inquiries.

My weight is 240, about 10 pounds lighter than I was two years ago, but I've gone down 4 inches in the waist, and 2 sizes in shirts. I'm significantly smaller in size, but taller and more proportional. My hands have grown. I've gone up 2 ring sizes. My feet have not grown that I have noticed, but they've always been tiny. In regards to weight I was told that ALL FTM put on weight, and that I needed to lose it before on was on testosterone too long or it would be about impossible. However all of the weight I've lost, has happened later into my treatment.

I've also noticed that both my legs and arms have slimmed down quite a bit, in that they aren't much bigger than Osaka's or Ringos. I'm still kind of chunky, but most of it is in my torso now. And I've noticed that my chest is actually getting smaller. Proportionally it's about the same as it was, but if I were still wearing a bra, I think I'd be about an E now, rather than a JJ.

I still have a ways to go, to get to where I want to be, both in weight and shape, but I think I'll be reasonably happy with my body if I can get down to 200 or thereabouts, pre-chest surgery. Then I should be done, and can focus on all the mundane things in my life.

This is why I don't drink much.

So my actual birthday was pretty nice. :] Or at least, what I can remember. I woke up LATE (like noon) then spent the afternoon paying bills and running errands, which was necessary. Osaka was a great sport running around with me. Ringo was a bit of a pain, but he did eventually get himself together.

And then in the evening I went out with several of my co-workers to Ambush (our semi-regular bar) and then after that we went to a place called Scandals. I remember leaving Ambush after paying my tab. I remember arriving at Scandals and hearing an AMAZING live band. I remember snippets of interaction with some friendly strangers who bought some birthday shots, but after that I was just suddenly aware of being home and in the shower.

I don't drink often, or heavily, and while I know I had fun, I wish I could remember more of it, and I think I will not be drinking like that next birthday (or ever again). I generally have one or two, and done, when I do indulge.

I took my camera and K, took a photo of us. :]

It's my birthday and I'll whine if I want to.

So I've been having minor (or not so minor) fits about turning 29. Partly because I continue to be vain to a ridiculous degree, and partly because I was hoping to somehow, by some miracle, have had my chest surgery by this birthday. My personal deadline is by 30, but I wanted it done by 29, if possible.

I've had other, fabulous progress. My beard has come along very nicely, over the last year, I'm fully socially transitioned, and I'm not far from having my name legally changed. I meant to do that earlier in the year (like 7 months ago) but I had drama to contend with, that has continued well into the year and shows no sign of stopping.

I have this every year though, now that I'm creeping out of my twenties, and I don't feel young and pretty anymore. I'm outwardly cocky and flirtatious, but inside I'm terrified and self-conscious. That's one of the reasons I'm not dating. That, and the person I would like to be dating, is half a world away.

So I have insomnia, and anxiety attacks usually for the entire week leading up to my birthday. This year I have the bonus of daily migraines, with the higher stress level, and elevated testosterone making me more prone.

So, hooray birthday in theory, because that's always been the one day I don't feel at all guilty making it all about me, but boo on stress.

Saturday (my actual birthday, July 14th) I will be doing errands early in the day, and then plan to bum around the house and eat cake until I go out in the evening with co-workers and friends. I was going to be spending it with Wotan, Osaka, and Ringo, but Wotan's had to delay his trip out here to later in the month. So, I get to have a mini second birthday when he arrives. :]

Properly Introducing Orion

So my proper eyes for Orion arrived yesterday, but my camera battery was dead. So I charged it overnight and took photos today!




Upon seeing him with the eyes I'd envisioned, I think I may tweak his faceup a bit, and I'm inclined to pick up the paints I want to use, and do his whole body paintjob. It'll have to wait a bit, because I don't have much experience painting on a 3D surface, and I want it to look nice.

It's been a bit.

I've been offline pretty much since my last post. Things are about the same here. Pherret has found work in Kentucky, but it's mininum wage, so that's not cutting it.

I've discussed the possibility of moving back to Texas, with my family, should it come to that, and am waiting this out for now.

My beard has been filling out nicely. I'm almost 2 years on Testosterone (August will make 2 years), and look very different (and yet in many ways the same) as I did beforehand.



I got a Batchix Machina before the bottom fell out financially. He's arrived, and is waiting on new eyes, which I ordered this evening. Pictured with Osaka's Magoichi:



I'm not sure yet if the internet is back on permanently. It flicked on after a power surge, and I have been taking advantage of it this evening. I'll see tomorrow I suppose. The important thing is that I've done my online bill paying, and ordered a few small things I've needed (like a new laptop battery), and we also got the xbox360 updates done as well.

If it is back on for sure, I will get back to posting semi-regularly.

I will not be scrolling back through a month and a half's posts, so if I've missed anything important please give me a headsup.

Apollo the Starchild

So, I drew Apollo this evening.



I've been kind of discovering more about his character and his universe, and while it is connected with Starshine, Doran, and Moonbeam's world, it's also connected with my modern day less magical doll world in which Ichigo etc live.

I've determined that Apollo is a member of a religious order, probably druidic in nature. He is a shapeshifter, more closely related to Moonbeam's witchy status, than that of the elementals of their world. He also lives several hundred years after Moonbeam and Doran, and his religious sect seems based on their interpretation of Starshine's entry into the world.

For those who don't know that story, Moonbeam is a young witch, who ends up botching her bonding with her chosen elemental, a young water dragon, and ends up calling to their world and binding to it, a sentient shooting star, who takes the form of a blue and white unicorn. His angry appearance and grumpy attitude are in direct response to being bound to a micro-universe connected with Earth.

The world in which the magical children live, is a pocket within our own world, accessed only by those with a strong spiritual nature who manage to slide into it. It's not a place you can go intentionally, but those with the latent talent can find themselves there on a regular basis.

It is a mostly timeless world with very little changing over the centuries, which is why, when Apollo lives, most of their world is still wild and full of natural and strong magic.

Apollo himself is a sort of Avatar of his sect, embodying the beauty of the world. The religion is based upon balance, and androgyny is idealised, as the original Star is believed to have been both neither male nor female, and both.

They choose their priests carefully, starting pre-puberty, and when the child reaches an age where they favor one sex over the other in an obvious physical way, then pass the torch on to the next, and mentor their replacement. Former Avatars are held in very high regard, and frequently those chosen, have not only a natural beauty, but a strong magical gift that in someway hails back to the first Star.

Apollo was chosen initially because his natural gift of shapeshifting manifested intially as him taking a form very similar to that of the UnicornGod. He isn't an incredibly gifted shapeshifter, but can manifest as male, female, or neuter, in human, or the unicorn form.

His real talent seems to be temporal shifts, as he has been able to slide from world to world, as naturally as any who have the gift. While the majority of his time is spent in his own world, he's found himself in the world of Bear and Ichigo, and also from time to time, the time in which Doran and Moonbeam live.

I don't know that he is aware of it being the same world as he originates from, since he seems to be from a different region, but I get the impression that he may have met them in passing, in their teen and adult years.

So much of their world is unknown to me yet, but I find what I've determined, incredibly interesting, and I want to document it to check back on for future use, hense the long post.

TLDR: I drew Apollo in his Child!Priest robes.

Happy Birthday Osaka!

So, today was Osaka's birthday. :] We had a mostly pleasant day, ending on a sour note. Started with running to Target for prescriptions, then down to our favorite shopping complex for lunch and to pick up Warriors Orochi for Xbox360 for her. Then we took a cab to the mall and went and saw The Avengers (WHICH WAS AWESOME) and finished up with dinner at Moes's for delicious giant burritos.

Then we waited almost 2 hours for a cab home. :/ That would be the sour note. I sent this e-mail to the "management" address listed for the cab company on their website.

---Customer Complaint---

To Whom it may concern,

I'm writing this because my attempts to call and discuss this with the dispatcher failed, as no one answered for five minutes, each time I tried.

This evening I called for a cab at 8:10pm, requesting a cab. I was told the wait would be between 15-20 minutes, which is fine. I frequently use YellowCab and rarely have frustrating results, to the point I've got the number on speed dial.

This evening however, we (my roommate, her son, and myself) waited a total of an hour and a half before our cab finally showed up. At the forty minute mark, I called Yellowcab back to see what was going on, when the cabby called me to say he was on the way. No estimation of time, hung up before I could ask how close he was. I called him back ten minutes later, asking where he was, in relation to us. He got irritable and made excuses that he was all the way on the other side of town and that he was stuck in traffic on Lynnhaven Parkway. He told me five minutes. He showed up 20 minutes later.

We saw three separate yellowcabs pass in that time period, and Lynnhaven parkway was DESERTED. When we got in the cab, he remarked sarcastically "How's it feel to be in a one cab town?" Then proceeded to be rude, ask invasive questions, and insist that I had cheated on my spouse. My roommate's son was exhausted as at this point it was nearly 10pm, and he was in tears. It was cold outside, and we'd been waiting outside for over an hour at that point.

As we reached our destination he took a personal call which caused him to nearly miss our stop, and then left the meter running, after he stopped and I was attempting to pay. The fare was at $7.45 when he stopped, and at $8, when he gave me the change.

I generally have good service with Yellowcab, I tip well, I enjoy most of the cabbies. I would like to file a formal complaint, about this particular cab driver but I don't know how to identify him aside from the date and time of my initial call, which you can verify with the dispatcher. My phonenumber is ***-***-****.

If I ever have service this bad again, from this company, I will not be using your service again.

Thank you for your time.

~Rory C.

Long Overdue

We are massively overstocked on digicams at work, so a whole bunch of them got marked down to $9.88. Nice ones too, most of them under 10 megapixels, a few over, one of which I snagged.

I am the proud owner of a Samsung PL200 (14.2mp 7x Optical Zoom) digital camera. It's a beautiful sleek little thing, red, with a satin finish, and an impressive lense for a point and shoot. It's certainly miles better than the old Kodak Easyshare C340 (3.2mp 3x Optical Zoom) I was using.

This is only my second camera and I've had a ton of fun playing with it. The first photo I took, was to test the macro ability.


This is about an inch from the keyboard of my laptop, in our DARK DIM CAVE of an apartment, and I am floored by the crispness. I know it's soft and halo-y, but I couldn't have even focused in this dark with my Kodak.

All of these are uneditted. No tweaking what-so-ever, so bear with the darkness. I'm just delighted this camera can take photos this clear with so little light.`

Reji was very obliging, as my hardest to photograph doll, due to scale and lighting. :]














Best $8 I've ever spent  after my employee discount.

So.. Pherret.

There's been alot going on, that I just haven't felt up to talking about or going into detail over. Those of you who follow Osaka's journal know that Pherret left about a month and a half ago to find work in Kentucky.

At least that's what he said at the time. There is no work in Kentucky. Nothing he couldn't have found out here, certainly nothing worth his amazing qualifications. He had a blue collar factory job for a week, but quit it, because it was "too hard".

He's never been a man to shy away from hard work, so that stood out a bit in contrast. He's not seeking treatment for his PTSD, and he has spent most of his time, talking his family about his impending divorce. Which of course, he didn't have the decency to actually work out with Osaka.

He came back for a week because there was some stuff he needed to sort out with the Navy, and the leasing office here at our apartment. And while he was here, he was pleasant for about two days, then got sulky and sullen, snappish, like what he'd been before he left for Kentucky.

Then Tuesday night he was rolling all over the floor sighing heavily, twitching, refusing interaction, and getting us really worried. He finally spoke up when Osaka asked "Baby, what is WRONG?". He told her he was leaving her. That they just couldn't work it out. He stressed that he loved her, and that it was over. Over and over he said this. It wasn't a discussion, it was a TANTRUM.

I've been pretty pissed at him anyway for generally asshattery and a completely selfish look in life. He's literally thought of nothing but himself since he came back from Afghanistan. He's made many promises to his son, not to leave again, and then promptly left, repeatedly, for long trips.

We've all tried to be there for him, be supportive, let all the little annoyng grievances go. I'm DONE. I try not to hold grudges, but it's a battle for me, and the more someone threatens my piece of mind, or makes the people I love suffer, the angrier I get.

His irresponsible actions have put my wellbeing at risk. I am currently trying to stretch my meager wage, to pay the bills I already paid, pay for prescriptions, pay for groceries, and also pick up the bills he used to, and it just doesn't stretch that far, at all. The only way I could pay everything is if I was making about $5 dollars more an hour than I do.

My backup plan, if he couldn't find work, and Osaka couldn't find work, was to try and set money aside and go back to Texas, where my family is. Because there's nowhere I could go out here in Virginia, and I just can NOT afford to live on my own. I'd go with Osaka, but she'd be going to Tennessee to her family and there just isn't room for me there.

I don't WANT to move to Texas if I don't have to, and I certainly don't want to leave Osaka and Ringo, who are family to me. And Pherret had the nerve to tell me that I couldn't. That I had to stay and take care of them.

FIRST OF ALL, I would do that if I could. SECOND of all, that's YOUR job, as the husband and father. Third and lastly, there is no way I can afford to move at all now, and I can't afford to stay either, so you've pretty much screwed me coming and going. Thanks dude.

This is a man I used to consider a GOOD friend. He used to be considerate and dependable. He used to be alot of things. He is BROKEN. He refuses help, resents it, refuses treatment. I still want to help him, but right now I mostly want to strangle him.

I am so beyond angry with that man. I really hope he manages to get his life together somehow despite himself.


~~


And completely unrelated to that, my hands have grown. It's subtle, but they are too big for my tiny laptop keyboard and typing on it ends badly all the time now. RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHR.