Ten days of whatever. Day Two.

I've felt sick all day. I've been fighting a headache, light sensitivity, nausea, and actually got sick an hour or two ago. No idea what triggered it. It definitely colored my answers for today's portion of the meme.

Day Two: (Nine things about yourself)

1. I have very sensitive hearing, but have a hard time translating speech. I tend to read lips to make sure I'm translating what I hear correctly.

2. I come across as cocky and vain sometimes, (probably alot of the time) but I'm really pretty sensitive, and nervous. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder.

3. I have a sensitive stomach. When I stress, it generally manifests as nausea, or abdominal discomfort in general.

4. I didn't have a real interest in dating or anything associated with dating until I was about 16 1/2. I had a boyfriend or two but it never really meant much.

5. It took me most of my life to realise the most obvious thing about me was real, and not imagined. It took me another 6 years or so to do anything about it.

6. I'm terrified of abandonment. It's my biggest fear, and I get nervous anytime someone is late or doesn't show up and is unable to tell me. The fear tends to escalate starting from a half hour before the appointed time.

7. I suffer from migraines. It's inconsistent, and I don't really know what triggers them, or how to prevent them.

8. I tend to re-phrase the same thing when I'm trying to explain my thoughts. I don't feel understood most of the time, and I struggle to make things as clear as I can, to overcome my own problems with communication. I worry that my being repetative makes me annoying.

9. I pretty much worry 90% of the time. The other 10% I actually feel confident and sure.

Ten days of whatever.

Doing this to get back into posting frequently. :]

Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now.
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn-offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two images that describe your life right now, and why.
Day Ten: One confession.

Day One:

1. We don't talk all the time, but you are always there, supportive and sweet, whenever I do need you, and I'm always happy to be the same for you. You're awesome personified.

2. I know you're going through something rough, that I really can't identify with, and I wish I knew what I could do to be of help. I love you dearly, and I want to help, and I feel a bit foolish for not having experienced anything similar enough to quite understand what you might be feeling.

3. I miss you. I wish you were here right now. I feel lost without you here with me. I shouldn't depend on you so heavily, and I feel guilty as hell about it.

4. I frequently wish you and I lived close again. I forget how awesome we are together until we do hang out, and then it's never for long enough. Stay awesome, and I will too, and next time we are together we'll blow everyones' minds.

5. I kind of wonder how much I can trust you, but I tentatively am pursuing a friendship. Please don't burn me because I've shared secrets and I don't know you that well yet.

6. I wish that you still worked with me. I don't really see us hanging out much anymore, because our interests don't overlap much, and that makes me a bit sad. You're smart, talented, and most of the time, very pleasant to spend time with.

7. I have mixed feelings about you. I don't believe the gossip, but I do wonder what exactly you did that warranted being walked out by security in the middle of the week. I want to ask you, but I really don't want to rub salt in the wound. You pissed alot of people off, but you were never really awful to me.

8. I wish we could hang out. I think you're probably a really awesome person, but I know I'm not allowed to get to know you like that. I wonder about you.

9. I will never ever forgive you. No passing of time will ever lessen my anger. You are unforgivable. I don't wish you fatal harm, but I would be hard-pressed not to repeatedly hit you if given the opportunity.

10. I wish you could admit to yourself that you are wrong. Ever. I love you, you're a great friend. However, you need to be able to admit that you can sometimes be wrong, if you're ever going to get your life together. No one is right all the time. Not me, not you, not anyone.

White Christmas!

So, I had my first ever white Christmas this year. :] It was kind of cool. Osaka, Pherret, and Ringo are out of state visiting their families for the holidays, so it's just me, and one of their dogs, Sadie. Christmas Eve was kind of lonely, but Christmas day was really great. I spent it with one of my co-workers Sam, whom I go to the bar with on a somewhat regular occasion. She invited me over a week ago, and I'm glad for it. She had lots of friends over, all of whom I had met on previous occasions at the bar, or at her place, so I felt very comfortable.

Then it snowed. Quite a bit actually. In our apartment complex we had over a foot on the ground. I took photos. None with the dolls, but still:





For southern Virginia, a foot of snow is pretty much unheard of. I worked Sunday the 26th (yesterday), and we actually closed early because of the blizzard conditions, which Home Depot doesn't generally do.

Today the buses weren't running because of how bad the roads still were, so I had to call in cause it's about a 2 1/2 - 3 mile walk to work. A co-worker gave me a ride later in the day, thank goodness, so I was able to salvage some of my shift. As of this evening the buses are running again, at least for most of the routes. The ones I take to work, are up again, so I'm set.

Snow in the (technical) south is always an adventure. At least it's less ridiculous to shut down over snow here, cause.. it was like a foot of snow in an 18 hour period, roughly. It always boggled my mind when a half inch of snow shut down everything in North Texas. Ah well. C'est la vie.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

Hmmn, I think I need to update my icons for LJ. I don't have many, and most of them are outdated. e_e;;

I've fallen hard for Iplehouse dolls. I have plans for several but just haven't succumbed.. until now. I ordered their new tiny, Byuri, in real skin. He's beautiful. He'll be my first Iplehouse doll, and my first tan doll. I've ordered him with makeup and this outfit (everything but the shoes, including that wig):


He should look almost exactly as in the above picture, but I'm giving him pale grey eyes instead.

And I've also ordered this hat, because it is precious, and I love it.


I'm doing it as a short layaway. I placed the order and sent half the payment today, and I'll finish paying him off on January 7th when I get paid again.

He's pretty much my Christmas present to myself. I was really nervous about ordering because I haven't ordered from Iplehouse before, but I get nervous like that every time I buy a doll. I've heard nothing but love from my friends and family who have Iplehouse dolls, and I WANT MORE.

I fully intend to order an SID Storm at some point in 2011, probably in mid-late summer, to be Marek, Robbie's partner. And I do want a JID Ryan eventually, in real skin.

I really love Iplehouse, and the realistic sculpts they make. I know Byuri may look a little strange next to my more stylized sculpts, but I'm excited none-the-less.

Currently he's nameless, but I'm considering naming him Ezekial (Zeke for short), or Samson. Nothing is set but I want him to have a very grown up sort of name, which is kind of a theme for me I guess.

Doll news aside, there isn't a ton going on. Osaka, Pherret, and Ringo have gone home to Tennessee and Kentucky to spend Christmas with their families. I've stayed here, with one of the dogs, since I didn't ask off for Christmas. Maybe I will next year.

It's going to be a quiet Christmas I think. I'll call my family when they're all together, and chat a bit, and then I'll spend the day with a co-worker who's invited me over for Christmas day. It should be nice. :]

My creative juices are flowing! ..despite the persistent fever.

Okay, I'm right at 17 weeks on Testosterone, I think, going on my last entry, which puts me at 4 months or so.

I've failed to keep a great account of week to week, since I lost my internet access awhile back. That won't be a problem now, though, cause we have internet! Like, actual internet, not a pirated signal.

Osaka set it up earlier in the week and the service kicked in today. :] I'm beyond thrilled. It will probably take me several weeks to get back into the swing of being social online.

My anxiety has been alot better. I still can get antsy around the time of my shot (and did this week) but not anywhere near as frequently.

Also I've been fighting a fever + infection for like a week and a half now. The fever waxes and wanes in intensity. My doctor initially thought strep, but that came up negative. I was apprehensive anyway since I know I've been exposed to strep dozens of times but I've never contracted it.

So I went back to my clinic to get the results of the tests, as they also checked my thyroid levels to see if maybe my dosage was too high at this point. My levels are right where they should be with my medicine, and so I got refills on that, and a prescription for azithromycin to clear up whatever infection I'm fighting, since if it was going to go away on its own, it would have by now. Incidentally, the first time in my life, I've EVER taken an antibiotic, to my knowledge.

I'm also knitting again (ABRUPT change of subject is ABRUPT). I've started a sweater for Starshine. :] It's brown with bits of his signature blue striped in it. I'm not working from any particular pattern. I'm kind of inventing as I go, and so far I like what I have.

Oh and I bought myself a sewing machine last month. It is my first sewing machine that is fully functional. I did buy an antique singer some time ago, that is non-functional, with dreams of getting it repaired, and I still have it, because it is pretty and someday I want to get it working again. So, I've been somewhat busy while I've been offline.

I got the Head Cashier position and have been doing very well with that. I get along well with 99% of my co-workers, which is nice. The one person I really have issue with, will be gone in a week anyway, so I'm just thrilled.

I've been playing alot of Guitar Hero, and aside from that, mainly just going to work and back. I've missed the internet, and I'm just SO happy to have it again. :]

I hope everyone is doing well, and if I've missed anything in the last several months please do fill me in.

And, just cause I've not posted photos in a bit:

I love spending my days with my BFF.

So today has been a nice day. I went to IHOP for lunch with Osaka and Ringo, then over to Michaels, and poked around in the mall too. I got some new anti-bacterial lotion to keep on hand at work, from Bath and Body Works, my classic Vanilla bean, and a Peppermint candy scented one too.

It's been a pretty mellow day, seriously for the first time in a very long time. Right now I'm sitting quietly in a book store, enjoying a caramel macchiato, and the company of my best friend. I wish I had more days that were like this.

So much of the time it's constant something from the moment I wake up, to the time I finally go to sleep. Other days it's nothing and I'm frantic to do something. Today has been a nice slow marginally productive day, and exactly what I've needed.

I've enjoyed the shopping. I picked up a book on Knitting for Men, mainly for the patterns. I was reading excerpts earlier to Osaka, mainly regarding female reactions to men reacting to knitwear made for them. I also picked up a collection of Sherlock Holmes Cinema, 8 films, and 35 episodes of an American series, for about $7. Also a copy of the original film The Producers, not the musical film based on the musical based on the film. XD

I've also picked up some tiny ceramic mugs about the right size for a large SD latte mug. I got a cat for Marek, and a Penguin for Robbie. Christian (Osaka's Link boy) got a gingerbread man mug.

I enjoy finding stuff like that, and I love that my best friend enjoys the finds too. It's nice having so many overlapping interests and hobbies, and I'm glad that we're still quite good friends, even after the weird stuff we've been through over the last nearly 5 years.

She and her husband took me in when things fell apart with Nick, and it has made our friendship stronger, really tried it at times, and proven its strength. When I get really anxious, I worry about that, but no matter what drama is or is not playing out, they continue to be good, and gracious friends.

I'm just being sentimental I guess, but I feel that I must voice my appreciation from time to time. Today has been such a nice day, it only seems right to voice it now. :]

Long overdue update.

I had a nice sized entry going but my internet crapped out and I lost it. I've been without internet for about three and a half weeks, cause, as usual the signal I use, has either moved away or gone private. We're in the thinking it out process of plotting to get our own internet.

There's alot of stuff I've been meaning to post, but haven't gotten to. Among other things, I did get the Head Cashier position at Home Depot. I've been training for that on and off for a week and a half, when they can yank me from where I'm scheduled to be. This week starts me being on the official Head Cashier schedule, so I'm free to shadow as needed. Though, at this point, the only thing I'm really fuzzy on, is opening. I usually have closing shifts, and last night did most of that myself, as I finally have my keys, and my logins finally got shifted into thae system to have appropriate managerial access. It was awesome knowing what I needed to do, and actually being able to do it. I close on my own for the first time, Tuesday night I think. Facebook and twitter will hear about that right away. :P

This coincides actually with my sister Nekokoi, getting a new job with almost the same title/responsibilities, at the Michaels I worked at when I was 18. I thought that was pretty cool, and there is even one person there still, who worked there when I did.

In other stuff, I've been on T for about 11 weeks now. When I saw the doctor last (a few weeks ago) she changed my dose from 1/2ml every 2 weeks, to 1/4ml every week. That's helped with the aggression, anxiety, and acne, which were all getting really bad the first few days after my shots.

I shot a video last week I think, which I will try and post up soon. It was intended to document the changes to my voice and appearance, at the 10 week mark, and I'm sure I'll go back to it after awhile to compare it to my older video posts. I've not been great about taking photo evidence, as I had intended to.

I've been acting on my impulsive nature alot lately though. Some of it is compensating for feeling like I haven't done much with my life. In the last week I've been really just jumping on all my impulses, in an attempt to feel like I'm not just grinding my gears. So I'm blond again. I bleached my hair Wednesday night, I think, and went and got it trimmed Thursday before work, so I've got the blond mohawk again. It's short and fuzzy at any rate.



My weight has been shifting slowly too. There's alot less of me than there was three months ago, but some of it has just shifted around. Despite losing alot around my midsection, I have a definite doublechin now, much to my dismay. I had, about lost that.

I've been eating fairly healthy, and actually am actively trying to go to the gym a few times a week. I worked out on Friday, and have tentative plans to, again this evening, with one of my co-workers. I'm just looking to tone and slim down for now.

Lately I've not been playing with or sewing for the dolls as much. I'm chalking it up to being busy with work, and trying to be more social with co-workers for the moment. I've been getting together with some of them more often, and it's really nice. I haven't had local friends for awhile, aside from Osaka, and Pherret, whom I live with. I still love hanging with them, but it's nice to get out of the house in a different way sometimes.

And really I think that's everything. Alot has been going on, but I've not been great about keeping track of it all. e_e;;

Moonbeam has a faceup!

I've been playing with my dolls more. I gave Moonbeam a faceup finally, yesterday. She needs her upper lashes put in, and maybe another layer of gloss on the lips, but I think I'm happy with how she turned out.


Also took photos of Ichigo! 8D

Adventures at the beach.

We had adventures at the beach. And by adventures, I mean ADVENTURES.

The tide was going out, due to moon phasing, and the tropical storms off shore. The weather was GORGEOUS. We had our body boards, and we were having great fun. The waves started tossing us together a bit, and by the time we got untangled, we realised we'd gotten pulled out quite a bit. I couldn't touch down, Osaka couldn't touch down, and we both got a bit panicked.

There was a very strong swimmer, a boy, who was floating with us, and when we realised no one on the beach could hear our calls for help, we asked him to swim back and get Pherret. In the mean time we concentrated on breathing, kicking, and trying to stay aboard the boards, moving as strongly as we could toward the shore. It was terrifying, and I hope never to have to repeat the experience, because by the time my feet hit sand I was dizzy and breathing HARD. Over oxygenated, dizzy from the exertion, and flooded with adrenaline.

It seriously, was the hardest I've EVER swam, and while it turned out okay, it was very scary. Osaka and I were both in a panic, and I was stumbling through the surf once I could put my feet down, gasping, asking for my inhalor because I couldn't see straight. We both made it back to shore, Pherret ended up being able to, with the help of a borrowed body board, help pull Osaka back to the shallower water where she could stand.

We sat in the surf, for awhile after that, trying to come down. We both felt embarrassed, because while neither of us are strong swimmers, we are both smarter than that. We got distracted when we got tangled, and ended up drifting too far out, while the tide was pulling out. It was scary, and embarrassing, and we both felt we knew better.

I now know, that when really pushed, I CAN swim much better than I thought I could. I think, I still prefer to play in the shallows.

That said, we had an AWESOME time once we came down from that scare, and I found a completely intact sand dollar, with my toes, in the sand. Afterwards, I went and got my hair cut, since it's been too long and it had gotten shaggy and unkempt.

Photodump, Tiny picnic!

Okay.. I took some photos of Sarabelle, within the last month, and her arrival in what was it, mid-june? Alot of photos actually. And I re-sized and uploaded them, but neglected to actually post them. So, enjoy this photodump.

The Suzuna, is Lorelei, who belongs to my BFF, Osaka. The Soom Hati, is Momo (I think? I'm a little fuzzy on her name atm, blame my sleepiness.) who belongs to Nekokoi, my sister. :3
































Also BTW, Dr Laura is a crazy old bat. *is watching CNN*

And.. I need to sew more for her and Moonbeam (who has a body and needs a face-up).

Starshine Photos

So.. the reason I've skipped posting for nearly a month is because I've been without regular internet access. That signal I was leeching off of, went private mid April, and I've been working such long hours at work lately, I've not had time to take the laptop out anywhere. Today was a day off, so I'm at a local restaurant that offers free internet access to its patrons.

Anyway, I'm just here to photo-dump. I got Starshine back from my buddy UnseelieQueen, who faceupped him and blushed his hooves and tail. I'm over the moon pleased with how he turned out, and if she's willing, I'll be commissioning her again. *hugs*















And that's all for now~! I still love ya'll and I'll catch up when I can. In the meantime, I can still check my facebook via my phone, so that's the best way to reach me if you need to.