Not doing well.

I can feel myself slipping down. My manic swing is nearing its end, and it was very long this time. I think I'm bypassing "average" and sliding straight into seasonal depression a bit early this year.

I've slept fine for a couple of nights now, going to sleep at a reasonable hour and getting up at a reasonable hour, and not taking naps. So that's progress? Or maybe I'm misremembering. It's hard to say. Reality is fraying a bit at the edges. I feel like I'm worrying a string and seeing through everything as I tug too hard and unravel my perception of reality.

I've reached that place where I can't listen to my "calm down" music. My anxiety is through the roof, and my expectations are falling through the floor. There are a bunch of things I NEED to do, as well as plenty that I would LIKE to do, but I am incapable at the moment.

I need to finish and take in my paperwork to get a new social security card. I need to go see my doctor and talk to him about the letters I need. I need to do that FIRST according to the list I have, since if I do that first it paves the way to do the rest smoothly.

I need to have him send a form to the DMV, and once I receive a letter saying they've received it, I can go and get my new ID, and then with THAT, I can go to the social security office and get a new card, and with both of those, I can get everything changed at banks, credit cards, etc. I will also have what I need for my passport and can get that as soon as I am employed again. Then I will have that and can just be READY for when I go to England.

I need to do all of this and I was in a great place to do it like a month ago, but I just.. didn't. My ankle was still healing and money is tight so I couldn't just take the bus up that way..

I'm still shaky on that ankle. I think it's healed up properly but I thought that before and immediately re-injured it.

I'm terrified of the future. I have no idea what to plan for, and I'm in a bit of a panic.

I also need to get copies of my medical and psych records, and copies of my marriage and divorce papers to have to take with me. I will need to keep the medical and psych stuff up to date.

I'm wibbly and I want to go crawl in a dark corner and cry for the rest of my life. Ugh.