Thursday, December 1, 2016

Migraines, Pokemon, and Holiday Depression.

My sleep has been more erratic than is usual for me. When I'm sleeping it's been fitful, and in short bursts of 3-5 hours versus my more common approximately 8 hours. Last night I went to bed about 1:30am (that's the last time I looked at my phone for the time), give or take 15-20 minutes to actually get comfortable and fall asleep, and I switched from dreaming to fumbling lucid dreaming somewhere about 4:30. I was aware of physical discomfort, aches in joints, even while still dreaming, and also a pressure that I recognize as a need to pee. As the dream went from vivid but almost pleasant to robotic and crumbling in realism, even the dream variety which is more surrealism I was frustrated to find myself very much Awake, but without the adrenaline rush of a panic attack. Phone said it was 40F and 5am.

Even in that awake, I still felt fatigue, so I went to the restroom and then curled back up under my blankets trying to find comfort. I gave up about 5:30am. I am light sensitive and sound sensitive. I've still got the migraine I was fighting Thanksgiving day. It's come and gone in intensity but only because I have been medicating and resting as much as allowed. I think the sleep disturbance is exacerbated by the imitrex. The sleep issues are not the same kind of insomnia I've had my whole life, and this has been the first longer more intense migraine in several months I think.

Some of it is hormonal, it's that time for switching to a new vial of testosterone, as the open vial is low and less efficient by month three. Some of it is also the season. I think I've touched on this before (probably every year) but the holidays make me suicidal. I'm not currently feeling that but I can feel all of the stress that comes, and the guilt (not actually associate with anything I've done or not done, thanks brain).

For me it tends to gear up in October and swell around American Thanksgiving in November for a terrifying crash into the abyss right about Christmas.

How I'm coping at the moment is attempting to stay busy. I have the need of an ADD squirrel for constant mental stimulation. I have the depression going which means that instead of sewing an army's worth of clothes, or knitting a million sweaters, I'm gaming on multiple formats at once. Yesterday I woke very early after a couple of hours of sleep, and kept myself occupied by having either a movie or youtube on the TV, my phone playing a game that has an auto mode that can be toggled so there is minimal need for input but lots of visual stimulation, and pokemon leveling and grinding on my 3DS.

I kept thinking it looked rather like an illustration, the dark figure highlighting only by the glow of multiple screens at different angles, the only light reflected off the eyes, emphasized by the dark circles under them. My imagination gets away with me, but I was briefly tempted to try to focus on just one thing and try to draw it. I'm not capable of that right now though. I don't do multitasking in a traditional sense, as I can't focus well on multiple targets, but when the name of the game is ultimate distraction and grinding through anxiety and feelings best left alone, staying that busy doing realistically meaningless tasks helps.

I'm not exactly clear on how long I've had this migraine (at least a week, but I suspect longer), but the intensity of it is such that low light is painful, and having the overhead light on, is simply compensation so that I can stand to view my laptop screen at the dimmest setting. The sound of fabric rubbing on fabric is painful, and the sound of my blood pumping is deafening. I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do aside from what I have been doing.

If I haven't shared before my migraine treatment goes like this. I take Gabapentin as prescribed daily to lessen the frequency and intensity of the migraines. At the onset, or as soon as I recognize the early warning symptoms of the migraine, I take an imitrex, 1 benadryl, and 2 ibuprofen. I will also have a soda on hand (my preferred is Mountain Dew Voltage), and try to eat something salty and something sweet. Then if possible, I remove myself to a dark and quiet place (i.e. my room with the double layered blackout curtains), and apply either an icepack eyemask, or standard sleep mask and lay down until I either fall asleep or the symptoms lesson. Oftentimes both.

When out in public and retreat is not possible, I take the medication, have soda on hand, try to get something salty and something sweet, and gut it out with sunglasses and earplugs. Usually this is enough to make me resemble a functional person until I can safely get home. When it is not I have been known to be snappish as I try to function through the screaming nerve pain that is amplified with the migraine.


And now for something completely different.

I beat story mode for Pokemon Moon in 41 game hours. I'm working on dex completion now since Bank is not yet compatible. I'm at 100% for the first island. I'm at 90% or above for the other three islands. The few pokemon I have left are things that need to be leveled really high or are only catchable through the SOS system.

Anyone playing Sun or Moon with me? If you have gaps I have been keeping what I've caught or traded so in theory I can breed to help with dex completion. I have all three starters, and most of the Sun exclusive pokemon, as well as the Moon exclusive ones.

If you are playing and we have not already exchanged friends codes feel free to comment and we can add each other. This is me.


Trainer names for Gen 6 (XY/ORAS) are Rorek, Rokinshi, and Cailin. Gen 7 (Sun/Moon) is Shiro.
I do have all of XY/ORAS, but have been keeping Omega Ruby at early so I can restart it for extra legendaries that I have been setting aside for Ringo. I promised him beginning of 2016 that I would get copies of all the 2016 Legendary releases for him, and would hold onto them until he had a Gen 6 game for me to transfer them to.

I don't have Sun yet but I've sold some games I don't play (tried them, never will) and am hoping to scrape up enough for it either for Christmas or shortly after.


I hope everyone has a fantastic Holiday season.

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About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.