My sleep has been more erratic than is usual for me. When I'm sleeping it's been fitful, and in short bursts of 3-5 hours versus my more common approximately 8 hours. Last night I went to bed about 1:30am (that's the last time I looked at my phone for the time), give or take 15-20 minutes to actually get comfortable and fall asleep, and I switched from dreaming to fumbling lucid dreaming somewhere about 4:30. I was aware of physical discomfort, aches in joints, even while still dreaming, and also a pressure that I recognize as a need to pee. As the dream went from vivid but almost pleasant to robotic and crumbling in realism, even the dream variety which is more surrealism I was frustrated to find myself very much Awake, but without the adrenaline rush of a panic attack. Phone said it was 40F and 5am.
Even in that awake, I
still felt fatigue, so I went to the restroom and then curled back up
under my blankets trying to find comfort. I gave up about 5:30am. I am
light sensitive and sound sensitive. I've still got the migraine I was
fighting Thanksgiving day. It's come and gone in intensity but only
because I have been medicating and resting as much as allowed. I think
the sleep disturbance is exacerbated by the imitrex. The sleep issues
are not the same kind of insomnia I've had my whole life, and this has
been the first longer more intense migraine in several months I think.
of it is hormonal, it's that time for switching to a new vial of
testosterone, as the open vial is low and less efficient by month three.
Some of it is also the season. I think I've touched on this before
(probably every year) but the holidays make me suicidal. I'm not
currently feeling that but I can feel all of the stress that comes, and
the guilt (not actually associate with anything I've done or not done,
For me it tends to gear up in October and swell
around American Thanksgiving in November for a terrifying crash into the
abyss right about Christmas.
How I'm coping at the moment is
attempting to stay busy. I have the need of an ADD squirrel for constant
mental stimulation. I have the depression going which means that
instead of sewing an army's worth of clothes, or knitting a million
sweaters, I'm gaming on multiple formats at once. Yesterday I woke very
early after a couple of hours of sleep, and kept myself occupied by
having either a movie or youtube on the TV, my phone playing a game that
has an auto mode that can be toggled so there is minimal need for input
but lots of visual stimulation, and pokemon leveling and grinding on my
I kept thinking it looked rather like an illustration, the
dark figure highlighting only by the glow of multiple screens at
different angles, the only light reflected off the eyes, emphasized by
the dark circles under them. My imagination gets away with me, but I was
briefly tempted to try to focus on just one thing and try to draw it.
I'm not capable of that right now though. I don't do multitasking in a
traditional sense, as I can't focus well on multiple targets, but when
the name of the game is ultimate distraction and grinding through
anxiety and feelings best left alone, staying that busy doing
realistically meaningless tasks helps.
I'm not exactly clear on
how long I've had this migraine (at least a week, but I suspect longer),
but the intensity of it is such that low light is painful, and having
the overhead light on, is simply compensation so that I can stand to
view my laptop screen at the dimmest setting. The sound of fabric
rubbing on fabric is painful, and the sound of my blood pumping is
deafening. I'm at a bit of a loss of what to do aside from what I have
If I haven't shared before my migraine treatment
goes like this. I take Gabapentin as prescribed daily to lessen the
frequency and intensity of the migraines. At the onset, or as soon as I
recognize the early warning symptoms of the migraine, I take an imitrex,
1 benadryl, and 2 ibuprofen. I will also have a soda on hand (my
preferred is Mountain Dew Voltage), and try to eat something salty and
something sweet. Then if possible, I remove myself to a dark and quiet
place (i.e. my room with the double layered blackout curtains), and
apply either an icepack eyemask, or standard sleep mask and lay down
until I either fall asleep or the symptoms lesson. Oftentimes both.
out in public and retreat is not possible, I take the medication, have
soda on hand, try to get something salty and something sweet, and gut it
out with sunglasses and earplugs. Usually this is enough to make me
resemble a functional person until I can safely get home. When it is not
I have been known to be snappish as I try to function through the
screaming nerve pain that is amplified with the migraine.
And now for something completely different.
beat story mode for Pokemon Moon in 41 game hours. I'm working on dex
completion now since Bank is not yet compatible. I'm at 100% for the
first island. I'm at 90% or above for the other three islands. The few
pokemon I have left are things that need to be leveled really high or
are only catchable through the SOS system.
Anyone playing Sun or
Moon with me? If you have gaps I have been keeping what I've caught or
traded so in theory I can breed to help with dex completion. I have all
three starters, and most of the Sun exclusive pokemon, as well as the
Moon exclusive ones.
If you are playing and we have not already exchanged friends codes feel free to comment and we can add each other. This is me.
Trainer names for Gen 6 (XY/ORAS) are Rorek, Rokinshi, and Cailin. Gen 7 (Sun/Moon) is Shiro.
do have all of XY/ORAS, but have been keeping Omega Ruby at early so I
can restart it for extra legendaries that I have been setting aside for
Ringo. I promised him beginning of 2016 that I would get copies of all
the 2016 Legendary releases for him, and would hold onto them until he
had a Gen 6 game for me to transfer them to.
I don't have Sun
yet but I've sold some games I don't play (tried them, never will) and
am hoping to scrape up enough for it either for Christmas or shortly
I hope everyone has a fantastic Holiday season.