Monday, November 21, 2016

Checking in a bit late.

It has dipped into more consistent cooler weather in the last week or two. I'm actually hoping for a severe for Texas winter because I just can not deal with our two seasons (hotter than hell, and maybe cool enough for a hoodie or jacket for a couple of hours).

The temperature overnight was 42F so at the risk of triggering a heat wave I put my flannel yeti sheets on my bed, and layered some blankets. I discovered my comforter is in a box somewhere in Tennessee cushioning fragiles. I do have another duvet bit it needs a cover. I think Mom and I may hit some of the consignment stores and look for one. I don't want to pay full price for what may be temporary protection for the duvet.

Friday I went to Grandparents and Special Friends day at the school of my niece and nephews in Fort Worth. They attend a lovely school and we got to visit their classrooms and see each of them for a bit. It was really nice.

Oldest nephew got to show a fun scientific display, and show us his classroom.

Younger nephew read to us in the library and performed in his immersion Spanish class play of The Three Little Pigs. He was the Fox which they had instead of a wolf.

Youngest niece (on that side of the family, though oldest child in her immediate family) took part in a quiz game with her class and it was fun. Visitors were encouraged to cheer them on which we did.

In a completely different direction I am dreading Thanksgiving. I'm looking forward to seeing almost everyone, and I'll prep for migraines and everything I generally prepare for but I'm incredibly anxious about interacting with my father.

I don't talk about him much. Several years ago (late 2008) he had a series of big strokes and nearly died. Scans showed scarring indicative of longer term damage from older smaller strokes which explains the series of personality changes he has gone through as far back as I can remember. The person he is currently physically resembles the man I called father but the line is drawn there.

I'm increasingly anxious knowing that his current personality likes to poke at soft spots and claim ignorance. I broke down in tears and begged my mother last night to please pleased have my back when/if he started in on me about my ex-husband or transition or pronouns.

I'm already suicidal this time of year and I just can't handle interactions with him. I will be expected to at least greet him but I imagine since I've been gone the majority of the last 10 years he will try to corner me to talk and I just can't.

I want to live. Honestly I do. I just can't sit there any listen to him ask me if Ex and I are going to try to work it out (the divorce was final in 2009), and then blatantly ignoring any response and jumping into telling me why I'm wrong about (insert any topic here, literally anything). I also have learned from reliable 3rd party sources that he is misgendering me and "correcting" family members that are using my correct legal name (as opposed to my birth name) and correct legal pronouns (as opposed to assigned at birth pronouns). That is probably the biggest source of anxiety. The poking at the marriage and why we didn't have children (we tried, we couldn't) that hurts enough but poking at the only red angry soft spot I have left is exactly the sort of thing he will do, because he's been doing it to me since well before the strokes, and he's been doing it to my sisters for at least since late 2008. One of them refuses to be alone with him because of how he intentionally gets under her skin, and I do not blame her in the least.


Friday Logan dropped off my preordered Pokemon Moon while Mom and I were in Fort Worth, in discreet packaging to prevent theft, and I have been playing it almost non-stop since.

I went with Litten to start with, but once Bank is enabled I am planning to bank all my progress and restart unless I have been able to procure a copy of Sun between now and then. Right now I'm about halfway though going on the Z-crystals I have, and where I'm at on Island 3. There's one more proper island, still lots to do on the one I'm on, and a man made island which I expect will be a plot-point. My pokemon are hovering between level 45-53 which is dangerously close to the "not gonna listen" point, so I'm hoping to breeze through the last challenges on this island and unlock my next chunk of levels that will listen to me.

So far I like the way the character customization plays out. You get access to the salon and some clothing pretty early on, and it looks like unlike X and Y, the store inventory stays the same, so I can buy all of one store and not have to go back and check every day for new items there. Right now my character has a short blond hairstyle, brown eyes, and light tan skin, and a green, white, and black outfit.

Serebii doesn't have much information yet so I'm googling because there are a few people who got early release copies or did speed runs to get information out there for us. Serebii has some information but mostly if I have a question I'm googling it. Some of my questions don't have answers yet. Some do, and I've noted them and moved forward.

I initially saved and quit to change my sheets and have a sandwich but now I'm considering sleep. I am running a load of laundry (the sheets that were on my bed, and whatever was in the basket) and have a timer so I know when to get up and go put that in the dryer. My tentative plan is to stay awake long enough to transfer to dryer, ensure the load is dry, sort, and put away the laundry and THEN sleep. That means I would be awake another two hours minimum. I was overheated after I changed my sheets but now I'm back to my normal temperamental swing between comfortable and slightly too warm or too cold.

My only firm plans for this week are MAYBE Knit Night tomorrow, definitely Thanksgiving with family in Fort Worth on Thursday, and Friday here in Garland with Mom and Faythe. Black and Blue Friday is a tradition of working on the house the day after Thanksgiving and avoiding the shopping crowds. I may skip Knit Night this week to save spoons towards Thursday.

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About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.