I had an intense day. First went with Mom to the nearest branch of her church to the hotel we stayed at last night. I didn't realize it was Father's day. I had an anxiety attack.
I have these feelings of conflict regarding my father, still living, my stepfather now deceased and my potential role as a parent.
I felt intensely this morning, the loss of the children I nearly had. While married, we miscarried three times, and each potential child already had a name. I used to see them in my dreams as a child and up until I married.
I have been around others' children, and would theoretically like to be a parent, but I feel my health could prevent me from being a truly good parent.
I cried all morning and gave myself a migraine. I took my medicine and was notably quiet. I mourn the loss of what might have been.