I had from what I can remember of ..Saturday into Sunday's dreaming, an anxiety dream in which I was back in middle school, and aged roughly at twelve. I was definitely all my life experience brain me, but in my pre-puberty body with only the early weird stuff going on, and the nobody taking me seriously stuff.
this dream, I had one of my recent college professors as a different
subject teacher and I spent the whole block arguing at their desk that I
was not 12 years old, that they were teaching the wrong subject, that
we were in the wrong school, the wrong state, just that everything was
wrong. And I remember just.. SO MUCH RAGE.
The person in question had the same sort of attitude most adults did when I was twelve, which was just kind of "I
don't quite know what to do with you" which to be fair is still rather
the case. They were pretty patient with me despite my arguing through
the whole class block but I was like red in the face and just pounding
my fist on the desk mad, demanding to be taken seriously, and just.. not
being taken seriously.
Who is going to take a 12 year old seriously when they are telling people that they are a 32 year old college student?
woke up pretty confused and it took me most of the day to kind of piece
together what I had dreamed through migraine fog and pain haze.
a Rory pain scale of 1 to 20, I was at about an 18 today. Also I got
written up today for all my medical absences at work. All the ones with
doctor's notes. I have been encouraged to pursue FMLA, which would allow
me a number of medical call outs per month without penalty.
in the negative for spoons. Tomorrow I sleep, today I guess. I sleep,
and listen to calm music, and if my damn hands will keep from swelling
too much I will sew my Pokemon patches to some t-shirts so that Robbie
and someone in MSD or Yo-SD scale can get new t-shirts. Sewing. I've
been wanting to sew all week.