I've been sewing alot lately. I've probably already said so, but it's worth mentioning again. I've sewn more in the last month, than the previous 11 months combined. I'm not complaining mind you. I'm grateful to be productive again.
I got what I needed from the Zoloft. Coping tools, an easier calmness, and a year of mellowness. Unfortunately, the side affects outweighed the benefits, of continued use. Mellow really does not describe the state I was in. Sure, it was easy for others to be around me, but I wasn't even a shadow of my former self. Easy to get along with, but not fun.
I became fearful of speaking about things that bothered me. Rather than defusing situations, I kept quiet until things were way past out of hand.
It was hard to come off of the Zoloft. My mood swings were worse than ever, for about three weeks, gradually fading, or mellowing. I feel calm again, but I can FEEL. I have the mellowness, the calm, that I need, but I also have a drive to DO things. I want to work, I want to play, I want to go places and see things. All I did before was sleep, and sit at my computer. I'd go out with friends maybe if they came by, but not to do anything. We'd walk around the mall, then go home. Or go to the beach, then home. We never really DID stuff. I never really did anything.
Now I'm sewing, and job hunting, and sleeping healthier amounts of time, and still have time and energy to play video games, or watch movies. I'm getting so much more done now. I still procrastinate. I still forget things, but I feel alive.
I'm happy to be alive.