Friday, October 5, 2007

Good to be alive.

I've been sewing alot lately. I've probably already said so, but it's worth mentioning again. I've sewn more in the last month, than the previous 11 months combined. I'm not complaining mind you. I'm grateful to be productive again.

I got what I needed from the Zoloft. Coping tools, an easier calmness, and a year of mellowness. Unfortunately, the side affects outweighed the benefits, of continued use. Mellow really does not describe the state I was in. Sure, it was easy for others to be around me, but I wasn't even a shadow of my former self. Easy to get along with, but not fun.

I became fearful of speaking about things that bothered me. Rather than defusing situations, I kept quiet until things were way past out of hand.

It was hard to come off of the Zoloft. My mood swings were worse than ever, for about three weeks, gradually fading, or mellowing. I feel calm again, but I can FEEL. I have the mellowness, the calm, that I need, but I also have a drive to DO things. I want to work, I want to play, I want to go places and see things. All I did before was sleep, and sit at my computer. I'd go out with friends maybe if they came by, but not to do anything. We'd walk around the mall, then go home. Or go to the beach, then home. We never really DID stuff. I never really did anything.

Now I'm sewing, and job hunting, and sleeping healthier amounts of time, and still have time and energy to play video games, or watch movies. I'm getting so much more done now. I still procrastinate. I still forget things, but I feel alive.

I'm happy to be alive.


  1. i'm happy you're alive! i loffeth thee!

  2. Me, too! I'm glad that you're alive. And I know that it's hard to find a balance. There have been times in the past couple of years when life was so painful and frustrating that it would have been lovely to have been medicated.

    And yet, I knew that for me, at that time, the answer was to just slog through it. Because I knew that I was "just" grieving and not clinically depressed. I had a great and inspired counselor and would not hesitate to to back to her if need be. And I would not hesitate to get meds if they were indicated.

    But like you, I would feel as if a major chunk of "me" was missing, if I couldn't access my creativity. Making beauty helps me to make sense of my life.

    Those boots are *amazing*. The detail and fineness of your workmanship reminds me of when you were little, and making miniature paper dolls, and tiny forks and spoons. Beautiful work, honey!

    But I think your little guy needs some Visine, LOL. Those poor eyes look like he's been up for days on end!


About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.