30 Day BJD Meme: Day 4

Day 4: What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?)

The first doll I ever owned was Ro, my Dream of Doll (Dream of Child) Tender Yen. I sold off his original body with the intent of giving him a more mature look but it went badly. I hate the body I replaced it with, the character I slowly developed was destroyed by outside influence, and I'm too heartbroken to play with him. And I can't sell him. Despite all the hurt and sad memory associated with him, there is still so much love and magic about him.

He was the first, he was the magic special one that could be anything, anyone, wear anything. He still is. He just needs some TLC, a new faceup, a new body (that I know I love), and alot of playtime.

I've debated selling him but no matter how long he sits on the shelf collecting dust, or in a box stored away, I just can't let him go. He was my first true masculine representation of myself.

4) What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?)
5) What/who was the very first BJD you saw?
6) Biggest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
7) Smallest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
8) What is your favorite size?
9) What is your least favorite size?
10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

30 Day BJD Meme: Day 3

Day 3: Post a picture of all your dolls!

I worked most of the day and then Skyrimmed after work, so I didn't get a group photo, but I do have this handy collage of all my current dolls. I may squeeze in a proper group photo later in the list if I can get that done.



The only doll not shown, is my Impldoll Cyril. I may throw him in the group shot if I can take one later in the week.

3) Post a picture of all your dolls!
4) What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?)
5) What/who was the very first BJD you saw?
6) Biggest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
7) Smallest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
8) What is your favorite size?
9) What is your least favorite size?
10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

30 Day BJD Meme: Day 2

Day 2: Do you own any? If so how many and if not, do you have any plans to at the moment?

I currently own 18, or so. And I say "or so" because included in that is one tiny I plan to sell, and two floating heads. If I count Apollo's other head it's 19. If I don't count heads at all, it's 16. And, in order of arrival, this is the list I have as currently owned on Den of Angels:

Ro (DoC Tender Yen)
Elli [Elijah Samuel] (CustomHouse Mars for Valentine)
Ichigo (Volks MSD Tsubaki)
Christopher Owen (Volks Yo-SD Tinatsu *boy*)
Émile (CustomHouse Uranus Hybrid [Uriel head on Mars body])
??? (Souldoll Lune)
Robbie (Volks School C)
Jessie (Narsha)
Doran (Soom Glati)
Starshine (Soom Beyla *Unicorn head*)
Moonbeam (Soom Beyla *Human head*)
Sarabelle (Fairyland Leah)
Simon Oliver (Fairyland Little Bear Bisou)
Toby [Tobias Ezekial] (Iplehouse Byuri)
T.J. [Tyrell James] (Iplehouse Efreet)
Ness (Impldoll Cyril)
Noland (Rosenlied Beige *boy*)
Apollo (Soom Shale)

2) Do you own any? If so how many and if not, do you have any plans to at the moment?
3) Post a picture of all your dolls!
4) What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?)
5) What/who was the very first BJD you saw?
6) Biggest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
7) Smallest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
8) What is your favorite size?
9) What is your least favorite size?
10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

30 Day BJD Meme: Day 1

This has been floating around my friendslist, and I finally decided to do it. I did make up a question for day 11, because there wasn't one. If you choose to do the meme you can use it or make day 11 a free day or whatever you like.

Day 1: Why do you like BJDs?

I like BJDs because they are so darned customizable. My first in fact, didn't have a set pair of eyes or wig until I started hanging around other doll people. He was the epitome of the Chameleon doll. There wasn't a well developed character, he was just for playing, as simple as that.

I love that a change of clothes, a change of wigs, a subtle change to faceup, can completely change the feel of a doll. I can't say that's what originally attracted me per se, but it helped.

1) Why do you like BJDs?
2) Do you own any? If so how many and if not, do you have any plans to at the moment?
3) Post a picture of all your dolls!
4) What/who was the first BJD you ever owned? Do you still own them? (Who is your planned first?)
5) What/who was the very first BJD you saw?
6) Biggest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
7) Smallest size you own? (Have held/seen/like)
8) What is your favorite size?
9) What is your least favorite size?
10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

Christmas! Texas! Stuff! Oh and new glasses.

So... in major steps taken today, I've ordered my first binder. I've ordered a plain white sleeveless t-shirt style from Underworks. I don't know if it's something I can actually use, but I've changed shape so much (some of it is actual mass lost) that the bras I have don't fit me at all, and honestly I'm sick of wearing them anyway.

I am greatly hoping it will arrive well before I leave for Texas again. Which, by the way, I am doing to go to Mom's wedding. She's getting re-married January 14th, to a peach of a man. He's a nice guy, he treats her well, and his kids are totally chill. They're grown, and people I have no issues being related to, by marriage or otherwise. Most importantly, he makes Mom happy.

I'll be flying out of Virginia January 12th, and arriving back January 17th, and will be staying with my baby sister Moose.

In other news I got new glasses yesterday. Osaka kinda bullied me into it but she did pay for them at least initially, so I can't complain too much. As it turns out waiting 5 years between eye exams is kind of a bad idea. I was having migraines on about a daily basis, regular eye strain and/or fatigue, and it had been going on between three to six months. So really, I was pretty overdue. But.. I still had to be bullied into it.

It was that way that Mom's have to kind of tweak your ear and remind you that it sucks way more not to do the necessary thing, than the minor annoyance of doing whatever that thing is. Not like calling me names or pushing me down the stairs. Though she could have done that. But she didn't.

I also got my hair cut, not that it will look any different to ya'll on the internet. The guy who cuts my hair was remarking that it looks great all cleaned up but it's a mess when I let it grow out. It apparently curls in the back in all different kind of directions when it gets longer than an inch.



And though I haven't mentioned it at all, I did have a great Christmas. This is the tree Christmas Eve, after Santa came:


I got some nice new gloves, a nice winter hat, legos from Ringo, a Batman figure, and a few other things I can't recall right now, but I was very happy with my gifts. And Pherret and Osaka and Ringo all seemed to be pleased with theirs. Ringo made out like a bandit. It was a very My Little Pony Christmas for him.

And today, before work I did a little shopping and got some new pajamas on clearance, a couple of new t-shirts, and a new light jacket. I'm slowly beginning to fill out my wardrobe.

Happy Holidays!

I've been meaning to post since I got back from Texas, but it just didn't happen, obviously.

I've been working doubleshifts pretty much back to back to back, since I got back, and we got a new computer/register system in, that everyone is having to learn. New policies for everything too, just in time to confuse us all (employees and customers alike) for the Holidays.

Partially related, I am someone who tends towards Holiday depression, and have, as long as I can remember. Tis the season for hurt feelings, shame, guilt, and feelings of worthlessness, for me at least. There doesn't even have to be anything big or new or stressful going on, for the seasonal depression to kick in, or intensify, depending on my base level. I'm doing okay at the moment, and I do still have my anxiety medicine to take as needed.

It does tend to be exacerbated by Pop Holiday music. I prefer classic Hymns for Christmas. I also get a bit ticked every time I hear that damn country song about buying shoes for the dying Mom for Christmas. I don't know exactly what kind of message they want it to send, but the message it sends to me, is that there is no reason to want to live, that life sucks and then you die, so get your crap together. So, when I hear this song at least once an hour because we are playing Pop!Holiday mix music (which includes some instrumental pieces and country), it makes me sad and angry.

I want to hear beautiful Chorus music, classic hymns, classical instrumental pieces, not people crooning about Santa, and Shopping, etc etc. On the other hand, I'm finding myself cross at some of the people posting on Facebook things like "It's MERRY CHRISTMAS, not HAPPY HOLIDAYS, REPOST if you're a PROUD CHRISTIAN!!!". I'm happy for you, and pleased that you are comfortable with your religion, and that you know why you're buying Winter Holiday gifts for friends and family. But what about those who celebrate OTHER religious holidays? What about Yule? What about Hanukkah? Kwanzaa? I may not celebrate them, but the are still valid religious or cultural winter holidays that take place around the same time as Christmas. I RESPECT that, and I wish my friends did too. It really gets under my skin actually.

I know probably 85% of my friends are Christian, and that's totally fine. I don't have any problems with Christians or Christianity. However, I also have friends who are Buddist, Pagan, Jewish, and probably some other religions I'm not aware of. And NONE of them have done that heavy handed "THIS IS ABOUT MY RELIGION NOT YOURS" crap.

Christmas in America SHOULD be about the Christian aspect if you are Christian. But if you aren't Christian, you're probably "celebrating" it out of cultural/social responsibility/expectation. And that's okay. You do what you have to do. But.. Please don't tell me how to celebrate my Winter Holidays.

And, so that this isn't just a long long rant, here. This is my family, together on Thanksgiving. I love them. The only ones not in the photo are one brother-in-law, and the nieces and nephews.

And this? This is my beard. It's beginning to fill out some.


Some of ya'll will recognize the majority of my family from the above photo. The rather tall older man in the back is my new Step-Father, as of January 14th 2012. I will (hopefully) be going home for the wedding. My Mom and he are a great match and I'm very happy for them both.

Which dolls do I take?

I've only got so much room to take dollies home with me. So I'm asking ya'll who I should take with me. I definitely want to take Noland with me, but he's the only sure thing. I have room for either 2 minies, or 4 tinies, or 1 mini and 2 tinies. Apollo and Ichigo are minies, and the rest are tinies. Photo-collage for those who may not remember who is who.

Which doll(s) should I take home with me? I'm trying to narrow it down from the ten I have in mind, Ichigo, Apollo, Doran, Sarabelle, Moonbeam, Starshine, Simon Oliver, Christopher Owen, Toby, and Noland.



And Noland, who is DEFINITELY going.

Pics, cause I got my hair cut.

So, I don't know if I mentioned it here, but I've decided to grow a beard. Or well, I'm trying at least. I do have some respectable scruff, but it's still pretty thin. I have to let it get pretty long to make it look fuller. I trimmed it up the other day in anticipation of getting my hair cut before I go home to visit my family.

I figure there will be alot of Holiday photos and I don't want to look like a Hobo, so I got my haircut, and I've groomed up my facial hair. I like it longer than it is right now, but it takes a while to grow out, and I wanted it to look right with the length of my hair, which I did get cut today.

I know the last two photos are similar but I liked them both too much to choose between them.





Nothing dramatic, I just got it trimmed up. I'm keeping it longer on top than I have been. Finding my look is difficult since I'm continuing to have subtle changes on a consistent basis. I think I definitely want contacts. My glasses look a little silly on my face anymore, since my face is a completely different shape than it was when I picked those frames out. And, my eyes seem to be alot more noticeable now, than they were pre-transition, and I'd really like to show them off.

Most of the photos from Thanksgiving will probably show me in my glasses, but I plan to take them off for any "official" family photos. The glasses are so old now, that most of the anti-glare coating is worn off. I think I will plan to get contacts probably in January.

Going home for Thanksgiving (2011)

So, I will definitely be heading home (to Texas) for Thanksgiving. I just managed to get my plane ticket on the 5th. I meant to buy it back in August but couldn't.

I'm planning to take some dolls with me, maybe swing a meetup if at all possible. There's no shortage of doll folk in DFW but I don't know if there are any meetups scheduled around Thanksgiving. I should poke in at DOA and find out. If there aren't it'll just be me, Mom, Faythe, and maybe Mom's boyfriend's kids who also collect BJDs, if they don't have other plans.

I'm also taking my laptop but I don't know whether I'll really be online at all. I'm hoping to get one on one time with each of my siblings, and also planning to bring Batman Arkham City, for Faythe to ogle and play.

There's not really much left for me to do, but to wait, try to cement basic plans, and figure out exactly how much clothing I need or want to take, while leaving room for prescriptions and toiletries. I figure a pair of shorts or two, jeans, a hoody because even if it's Texas it is still late November, and several t-shirts should get me through the week.

There are alot of people I'd like to see in theory, but mostly I'm coming home to see Family. Anything else is bonus. I haven't seen my family (not including Faythe) since I left Texas to come back to Virginia Beach, and I miss them. And none of them have seen me since I started my medical transition. We've talked on the phone and such, but that's not quite the same.

I know I look different, and sound different, and I'm hoping that getting to spend time one on one with my siblings and Mom, will show them I'm still me, just finally happy. I'm finding that as I get to a healthier place I'm really excited about actually getting to know my sisters for the people they really are, rather than the people I've assumed they've become based on old prejudices and hurt feelings.

I will admit, that same skittish part of me, that was prone to hurt feelings and misunderstandings as a child, is screaming in the back of my head that I'm wrong, and my family can't possibly love me for who I am. Luckily I seem to be in a much saner place than I was as a child, and I recognize that feeling as baseless fear. I think they proved that irrational fear-based part of me wrong when I called them and came out.

I do understand that some of them may not agree with my decision to transition, based upon their religious beliefs, which I do respect. I don't think that makes them love me any less though. It just makes it harder to accept what they see as a choice on my part.

That fear-based part of me, doesn't want to post the entirety of this entry to the public, family-read blog, but I feel that I owe that honesty to my family. Because I feel that staying closeted, I lied to them for too many years. This isn't meant to make anyone uncomfortable. It's only meant to be honest.

Innes The Water Dragon

Awhile back I made a really brief reference to a doll I was getting. When the doll arrived I didn't know what to do with it. It was nothing like the pictures had led me to believe.

This evening as I was coming down from an anxiety attack, I was struck by how this character was actually supposed to look. I sketched him out, and began to flesh him out more, as a character.



I've never touched much on the magical universe that Doran, Starshine, and Moonbeam inhabit, or how it relates to the universe(s) my other does inhabit.

The world I picture for what I call my magic babies, is very small. Like British Isles small. I've never been there, but I've had dreams and fantasies, based on my daydreams, and pinches of appropriate mythology.

I don't have a name for this alternate universe because it doesn't really feel like an alternate universe to me. It's more like a pocket of magic in a somehow untouched and undiscovered part of our world. Whether it's the natural and old magic of the area, or the village of witches right at the cusp, or the old magical beings, the elementals, the other mythical and mystical beings.

Moonbeam is a young witch living in a village built at the edge of an old magical body of water. It's a lake, self-contained, and there are parts of the village built right out onto the water, on the ancient stone that juts out into the lake.

Magic is a tool that you learn young, if you have the talent for it, and some are more inclined than others. Moonbeam has some natural talent, but she is very young, and not yet bonded to an elemental or guardian spirit, who are supposed to guide and teach their young magical companions. Commonly young witches are paired with young elementals or spirits who have a good natural rapport.

This world is a blend of Celtic/Gaelic, Irish, Scottish, and Welsh myths and cultures, combined through my own bias. Moonbeam resides in what would be closest to my ideal Ireland. Doran resides in my version of Scotland. Starshine passes between the two, favoring Moonbeam's land.

In the lake, that the Village is built on, reside many water elementals, all friendly, some very old, some very young. One of them, Innes, was to be paired with Moonbeam, when the both reached the age of the joining. Innes, is the Water Dragon, my concept sketch seen above.

I see him as a furred dragon with long flowing hair, and a tail made of the same long flowing hair. I'm also toying with the idea of modding him with fins on his arms and legs, but I will see what I see when the doll I intend for the character arrives.

Because Starshine and Moonbeam are both Beyla heads, and Innes is strongly entwined in their story, it was important that his aesthetic meld smoothly with theirs. So, I've tentatively settled on a Littlefee Elf Chiwoo (girl version). I plan to modify the body to gender neutral, because I like the Girl Elf Chiwoo face better than the Boy Elf Chiwoo face, and it's just easier than modding the boy body neutral.

The only reason I've gone into quite so much detail is because in my original entry I didn't, and I like being able to go back and see what details I've developed in the past.