Going home for Thanksgiving (2011)

So, I will definitely be heading home (to Texas) for Thanksgiving. I just managed to get my plane ticket on the 5th. I meant to buy it back in August but couldn't.

I'm planning to take some dolls with me, maybe swing a meetup if at all possible. There's no shortage of doll folk in DFW but I don't know if there are any meetups scheduled around Thanksgiving. I should poke in at DOA and find out. If there aren't it'll just be me, Mom, Faythe, and maybe Mom's boyfriend's kids who also collect BJDs, if they don't have other plans.

I'm also taking my laptop but I don't know whether I'll really be online at all. I'm hoping to get one on one time with each of my siblings, and also planning to bring Batman Arkham City, for Faythe to ogle and play.

There's not really much left for me to do, but to wait, try to cement basic plans, and figure out exactly how much clothing I need or want to take, while leaving room for prescriptions and toiletries. I figure a pair of shorts or two, jeans, a hoody because even if it's Texas it is still late November, and several t-shirts should get me through the week.

There are alot of people I'd like to see in theory, but mostly I'm coming home to see Family. Anything else is bonus. I haven't seen my family (not including Faythe) since I left Texas to come back to Virginia Beach, and I miss them. And none of them have seen me since I started my medical transition. We've talked on the phone and such, but that's not quite the same.

I know I look different, and sound different, and I'm hoping that getting to spend time one on one with my siblings and Mom, will show them I'm still me, just finally happy. I'm finding that as I get to a healthier place I'm really excited about actually getting to know my sisters for the people they really are, rather than the people I've assumed they've become based on old prejudices and hurt feelings.

I will admit, that same skittish part of me, that was prone to hurt feelings and misunderstandings as a child, is screaming in the back of my head that I'm wrong, and my family can't possibly love me for who I am. Luckily I seem to be in a much saner place than I was as a child, and I recognize that feeling as baseless fear. I think they proved that irrational fear-based part of me wrong when I called them and came out.

I do understand that some of them may not agree with my decision to transition, based upon their religious beliefs, which I do respect. I don't think that makes them love me any less though. It just makes it harder to accept what they see as a choice on my part.

That fear-based part of me, doesn't want to post the entirety of this entry to the public, family-read blog, but I feel that I owe that honesty to my family. Because I feel that staying closeted, I lied to them for too many years. This isn't meant to make anyone uncomfortable. It's only meant to be honest.