A flurry of activity.

I tried casting on Link's stocking hat from some yarn I had set aside for exactly that, and after 14 rows frogged it. I didn't like the yarn for this once it knit up. I didn't like the increase the pattern used.

So, I decided to shift things around so I could access the yarn stored under my bed. This turned into a 3 hour SORT ALL THE THINGS but I must say I feel incredibly satisfied at the end.

I reorganized both the under bed storage and the bookshelf. I sorted through most of my school work and paperwork from last school year and what I have for this one. I dug out two Halloween candy bowls worth of yarn to play with. One bowl is labelled skeins and one is remnant balls.

I also dug out Epona, who has been sitting in her box on the bookshelf. At some point after spring break she will be carefully disassembled, washed gently but thoroughly, and maybe given blushing and/or painting.

While I was under the bed I pulled out some fabric to make Link some trousers, and tucked that into my sewing box.

The folding table that I use as a desk is covered but organized. In a moment I'll decide where to put Epona, the yarn, my home school work, and then I may organize something else.

All week I've been depressed to the point of completely apathetic but my frustration with knowing what I wanted to do for the hat put enough of a crack on it that I made myself start digging out yarn. Doing that gave me drive to sort out some odds and ends the had gotten beneath the bed. Then I starting just putting things away.

Mom has been tackling boxes on the living room over the weekend and it resulted in a clearer happier living room and a crabby Rory because Mom had legitimately useful things for me and every time I turned around having cleared my makeshift desk there was something new to put away.

I did find the words to ask her to please not just put it on my bed or on the school space I'd made, and it all smoothed out quickly. Now I have borderline ambition, and I will finally give myself the haircut I desperately need, and hopefully be able to sleep WELL.

I've been in truly awful headspace for at least a week and this feels like a bit of relief, hopefully not intermittent.

Terrible Migraine

Yesterday I woke about 9am from a strange anxiety dream in which I could not find a clean or undamaged restroom. The thing that actually woke me was a background conversation in the dream where one party casually said to another that my struggle to find a clean and serviceable restroom reminded them to never trust a restroom in your dreams. I was up and stumbling down the hall before I was even half conscious.

After a moment I realized I was in massive blinding pain as consciousness set in, and I found myself in the dark restroom lit by only a night light, which felt insanely bright. I could also hear the fan ticking in the next room, dogs barking, and someone doing yard work a couple of houses away. Generally with the restroom door closed I might hear the fan if the house is completely empty, but not the rest of it.

I realized to my horror that I had a migraine about as intense as the one that lasted 9 months and had me wishing for a swift death. I took my medication, stumbled around in the kitchen and made instant mashed potatoes and lay down with an ice pack over my eyes. I was awake for about two hours as I carefully ate, took meds and vitamins and tried to gauge my trigger(s) for this awful thing.

I woke a little after 5pm still in agony. I got absolutely nothing done for school or online courses. If it had been today there would be more swearing. There was no way to push through that monster. It's still lingering but I medicated first thing this morning and and did as much preparatory self care as possible.

I have class at 12:30 which goes to lab straight after and I should be done by 5pm. Unless I hear from Logan, my plan is to bus home and go straight to bed.

I'm behind on my online coursework so yesterday is frustrating but there is nothing for it. Tomorrow I'll do my best to catch up but I suspect one of my triggers was sitting at the computer with the headset on grinding through school work for about 5 hours without a proper break. There is so much work to do that it takes that kind of grinding.

This does not bode well for my online courses. No more online courses.

Inexpensive Retail Therapy

Mom and I needed some out and abouting, so we went to two of the Daiso (Japanese dollar stores) in the area and found some nice goodies.

Mom picked up some chairs and benches for the yo-scaled dolls, and some tiny little dog statuettes suited more for Pukifee. She got some other bits and bobs but we had specifically gone out to get two more of a kind of doll scaled chair we found there several weeks back, and we had good luck.

I got this:


First a sketch pad with ladybugs on the front, 100 pages. Also two different paperboard boxes for doll accessory storage, one with a London theme, and one with nesting dolls and little flowers on the lid. There is a yellow mid-century style chair, a realistic fake plant, tiny paperboard chest of drawers (also elephant themed), and a waterproof elephant themed tote. At checkout I got some Hello Panda snacks and on the way home a large box of cheese crackers.

I like these cardboard boxes for doll clothes and shoes etc. They are relatively sturdy and much prettier than a bunch of plastic bins. Eventually I would like to get some floating shelves to put the dolls on stands, and I would put the decorative boxes on top of the dresser where the dolls have been sitting since I got the dresser.

I love going into Daiso. I always find something neat and everything I got today was $1.50 or less, except for the cheese crackers which I bought at Kroger on the way home.

All in all I think it was quite a pleasant day out. I really needed the getting out of the house NOT FOR SCHOOL, and Mom was looking in particular for two more of the chairs (which we found) for a table set she pieced together last time we went to Daiso, scaled to the Yo-sd crowd.

The rest of my weekend and Monday will be dedicated to plugging along in my online coursework, and Tuesday and Thursday are on campus school days. This was a really nice sanity break, and all told I spent less than $20 at Daiso (combined from both stores), so it didn't break the bank either.

First Day(s) of Spring Semester 2017

First day of school was long. I had my regular visit with my Doctor first as that just happened to be the day we had scheduled it. My blood pressure was high (usually this is not a problem for me) and between weather blowing in, and stress over school I triggered a migraine first thing in the morning.

Because I am me, I had my medication with me and took it as soon as the car stopped moving in the college parking lot. My hands shake quite a bit sometimes and I didn't want to throw pills all over the truck.

I was able to pick up my schoolbooks but one was listed as back-ordered (which I found out is not the case) and one it turns out the teacher doesn't use. So, first thing tomorrow after squeezing in for Math testing, I will be exchanging that book for the one I need (which IS in stock) and canceling the order for the one that is listed as back-ordered, as well as picking up a pack of scantrons for Geology labs.

Oh and after school I went with Mom to Knit Night in Grand Prairie for the first time since Thanksgiving-ish. I got to see people I've missed but the trip all the way out to Arlington from Garland and back is exhausting when compounded with everything else of the day, and I'm not even the driver. :P 

Today I have dedicated to trying to get my online classes appropriately started, saved the syllabus for each, looked at scheduling etc.

I got the Music access key in easily and set that up. It looks like I am required to attend a classical music concert and write a paper about it for this course in order to pass. I wish I had known that, as I don't really have the financial flexibility to buy concert tickets. Ugh. I'll work something out of course.

I went to register my key with the course for German and found that the key from my brand new shrink-wrapped book had an error of "already been used" much to my horror. I sent an e-mail off to the book company as instructed in the setup instructions that come with the key, and took a nap because I was just DONE. When I woke I saw a response and sent off pictures of my receipt, my name, name of college, photo of the key card etc., so that they could verify my purchase.

A MIRACLE OCCURS! As I was writing this, I got the response from the book company and they have confirmed my purchase and sent me a new access key. Blessedly, I was able to get it resolved with the book company in less than an hour from their original reply.

So, now I'm going to get that set up, tackle today's German activity and figure out what I want to eat in short order.

Today has been almost as exhausting as yesterday but once things are set up, they are done, and it's just a matter of keeping up with course work so at least at this point all I need to do is school work.


ETA: My German textbook is the wrong damned edition. I've opened the book and redeemed the key and it's not compatible with the course. ALSO, the course is not free form as original described and I have a strict schedule to follow with no resource with which to do so. *high pitched screaming*

Stressing over school part (??)

I was all set to write that things had settled down nicely and then yesterday I had another meltdown.

Mom and I got a student bank account set up at a local chain for myself, mainly for FAFSA to drop whatever is left over after tuition and books into. Small hang up yesterday was that we couldn't get the e-statements set up, and that was apparently the straw that broke the camel's back for me.

Today I was able to get that sorted out quickly and found an e-mail re-confirming FAFSA but also confirming student loans (that I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR OR APPROVE) which I will be sorting out before my first class and after my doctor appointment Tuesday morning. Ugh.

This evening I ordered my books for pickup at the school and the lab book for Geology is back-ordered but I'm not as concerned about that as I maybe should be. I expect I will have resources intended for use knowing that books are sometimes back-ordered at the start of class.

My German and Music class are both online and I'm told I need a microphone or microphone headset for online labs for German, so we'll be looking at those and seeing if I can find a reasonably priced one (less than $30?) for use for school.

I'm hoping I can get buy with my built in microphone on my laptop for a little while at least.

I'm tired. Mom is also very probably tired. I'm irritable and trying really really hard not to be so with Mom, with mixed results. Non of the complications are her fault, and nothing is the direct fault of the school but I feel that Murphy's law is at work and it's driving me crazy(crazier).

I have been in a perpetual state of high stress since October and it's wearing on me, and Mom I expect. I just want to go to school and move on with my life. This should not be so difficult.

I am absolutely not okay.

I had a really ..unusual start to my day yesterday. I was awake (barely) as Mom was preparing to head out the door. Jan 5th was final deadline for paying for classes and school website is saying both that my financial aid is fine, and also that I have not been awarded financial aid. I did everything I could think of to sort it out, and Mom said something kind of off hand about how I seemed to be giving up on school, and I flipped out.

Not at her. I just, short-circuited. I printed every single confirmation from Fafsa directly, from the school, from my emails, printed them all off, and we went down to the school. Mom remarked (while I was in this meltdown frenzy) that I at least seemed to be fighting for it. That stung. I was unable to articulate anything at the time. At the school they said there was nothing they could do but put a notice to hold my place in the classes I registered for until Jan 13th pending financial aid award. It's not an extension, it doesn't offer any real protection, it's essentially a digital post it saying that financial aid is still being processed. This seemed to be enough for Mom to feel that something was different.

I broke down the rest of the way. I cried in the car on the way home. I could not articulate anything. I took my medicine and stayed in bed unable to communicate. Woke in the evening, still broken, took my next dose of antibiotic, and went back to bed.

I don't know how to discuss what happened. It should probably be discussed, as this is the second time an offhand remark intended to.. reassure? Inspire action? I don't know, has caused a complete and total meltdown, in which nothing actually changes other than my mental health taking a huge leap off a cliff.

I am not much more functional today than yesterday. I feel angry and hurt, not specifically at Mom, and I also feel inadequate and vulnerable and want to hide in a bunker with a huge metal spikes around it.

Attempts to communicate have been challenging, and I am not expecting a vast change in that any time soon. Socially speaking this is an enormous leap backwards in progress.

Upper Respiratory Infection to ring in the new year.

I thought I caught a cold at Christmas. Maybe. What I definitely have now is an upper respiratory infection. I expressed my concerns that this might be the case last night to Mom, and we agreed if my doctor's office was open we'd try to get seen today. His office was indeed open, and he had an opening at 10am, so I went and he confirmed my diagnosis (I've had them before I knew the symptoms), and after a short stop for ice cream, and at the pharmacy I'm home and in short order will be taking a much needed nap.

For the last several days I've been treating my "cold" with sudafed, airborne, lots of water, and rest. Most of my sleep has been in 1-2 hour bursts where I wake up feeling like I haven't slept, and my throat is on fire.

Mom feared strep (which I am immune to, but CAN be a carrier for) so we did elimination testing for that. She was visibly relieved when we were told it was definitely not strep.

I'm on a mid-level dose of antibiotics, because when I had bi-lateral pneumonia in June 2015, I was on SUPER INTENSE IV antibiotics and now my body laughs at the basic tier stuff.

While we were out and about we stopped at Half Price Books where Mom picked up a new journal, and then went to a pharmacy (not MY pharmacy) where she attempted to transfer her medications because her insurance is no longer playing with her pharmacy of choice for 20 years. While we were there, I got the flu shot because my doctor does not offer it in office, and then we found out at my pharmacy we could have done it there for cheaper. Well now we know for next year.

At this point I'm waiting for Mom to return from picking up a Lego set for me at Walmart that was an irresistible sale price online (almost half-price), which put it just within my reach. I gave Mom my cash, set up the order, and she paid with her card, and is now retrieving it from the store, since it was a pay online, pick up in store deal. 

I really want a nap, but so does Mom, so I'm going to wait for her return because I feel it would be unfair for me to go to sleep while all she has wanted was a nap since about 10:30 this morning. So, in trying not to be a jerk, I will wait for her return, thank her for her assistance again, and encourage her to nap, while I prepare to do the same.