Monday, October 31, 2016

Happy Halloween, and a small rant.

Happy Halloween to those that celebrate it in one form or another. I'm not dressing up as such. I have one of my favorite light hoodies, layered beneath a favorite t-shirt. The effect is rainbow striped sleeves and a fun D&D joke on my shirt and I've decided if anyone asks me what I am supposed to be I will tell them a gamer. I'm just being myself for Halloween.

When I was younger I never got to excited about Halloween because we could never afford to buy costumes and Mom legitimately didn't have time to make 5 costumes for her kids. I was either a Werewolf or Vampire from age 10 to 14, because one year I got a cape on clearance after Halloween and hung it up in the closet for future Halloweens. I didn't grow much so it fit till I was 15. Plus Dad never fussed about paying a dollar for the really cheap grease paint so I'd get one of those and either go paler with fangs, or just wear fangs. I had a drawer full of plastic fangs from I don't remember what, probably tickets from PuttPutt or something, and I used those every year.

I like dressing up in theory but I would rather keep to myself on Halloween especially since Zombies are a big deal and I am absolutely terrified of them.

Mom and I passed out candy Wednesday night at a Church function and tonight we are planning on leaving the lights off. I have blackout curtains so it's a non issue if I have a low-light lamp on, but the house is going to be mostly dark because we aren't buying more candy and there are very few kids in this neighborhood anyway.

And now for something completely different.

I don't post a ton of photos of myself on facebook, but when I do I constantly get one comment, from different sources. "Smile!" I want to just delete every damn photo I have up when I see that one word comment.

It's really hard to for me to cheese it up for photos. I am much more comfortable with a neutral expression, or a really faint smile. I have been self-conscious about my smile since I was about 8, and people commenting one word "smile" when I post the first photo after I've been feeling like crap, and looking sick in every photo for a year REALLY pisses me off.

Most of the time you are getting the one photo where I don't look like I've been constantly sick for THREE YEARS now. Either enjoy actually seeing me instead of "showercat" or just please don't say anything. I am really sick of being sick, and if I post a photo because for one damned day I don't feel like death, your little "Smile!" comment instantly makes me regret even trying to take my picture and that is INCREDIBLY depressing.

This is not directed at anyone here or on Livejournal but it needs saying and I am so frustrated that I'm trying to find a way to say it more politely on facebook without looking like I'm lashing out at the last person that commented. Cause it's not about the last person. It's that any time I post a photo I'm actually happy with some rando comes along and makes me feel self-conscious and anxious about it. That's a dick move, whether it's intentional or not.

I've had a migraine for a week solid, and had an afternoon Saturday where I had blessed REAL relief for about four hours. I took a picture, this one:

I posted it and if you look I AM smiling. It's a small smile, but it's there. It's not an 8D face like someone just told me I'm going to Lego-land and can have any set I want for free. Neither is it the seeing your best friend for the first time in weeks or months face, but it is a face of "I have been in so much pain for a week straight and at this moment I feel relief and that is so nice."


Happy Halloween! I hope everyone has a really awesome night!

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About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.