I've had a few different things on my mind lately. I think that after a year of trying this and that, Dr T got me on the right mix of medications. Amazingly he did it on our very last visit so he'll probably never know it.
I've expressed to family and friends
that I am really going to miss him. I don't like Psychiatrists as a
rule. They tend to come across as cold, distant, condescending, and
worse. Dr T was funny, charismatic, and even came off as passionate
about his patients. I've never had a mental health provider like him,
and I'm sad that I will likely never see or talk to him again.
are a different mess. There are many different kinds, with many
different attitudes and approaches to therapy. Dr M, whom I saw in my
teens, had a talk it out approach, which works well for me. I never
dreaded seeing him, and I never felt judged. I can't say as I've ever
felt judged by any Psychologist, but I liked Dr M probably as much as I
did Dr T. Dr C, who was at the same practice as Dr T, was similarly
pleasant, but his approach to therapy bothered me. It was the kinds of
charts and graphs and "training yourself to XYZ" that I remember from
School Counselor visits and early on therapy and I hated all of it.
There are some things that you can learn or train yourself to do,
instead of this, or instead of that, but I can't just train myself not
to be bi-polar. I can't change my GUT reaction, and I ALREADY change my
outward reaction. So therapy with instructions to "re-write" my life is
contrary to my needs.
Honestly much of it takes me back to
things my father used to say, telling me to just not react to stimuli,
as though it's that easy for an 8-year-old. Dad had lots of that kind of
wisdom, and brain training, and neo-hippy mumbo-jumbo. It went hand in
hand with the sorts of people who end up being and seeing Chiropractors.
There are people who truly believe that Chiropractics and herbal
supplements can cure ANYTHING. Chiropractics and herbal supplements do
have their place, but if you have say Cancer, or Diabetes, or Arthritis,
you really need to see a Specialist, and go from there.
is a not-so-fine line between doing a cleansing diet of grains and
veggies with lean protein, which I would consider a healthy thing, and
downing a bunch of herbal shakes and running 5 miles without proper
hydration to cleanse yourself of "toxins". Someone says that word in
that context and I get hives. I want to throw things. Your body doesn't
make "toxins". Your body may have a virus, or a bacterial infection,
which can be treated properly and cured, but you do not MAKE "toxins".
People who think that you do, think you need to drink tons of water (ok,
not a bad thing), take ALL the herbal supplements (please run those by a
pharmacist just to make sure), and then there's the tonic "cleansings"
by way of colonic enemas. Just, No. They throw off your body's natural
balance of bacterias, electrolytes, and make it far more likely for you
to contract infections. It's dangerous.
I have lots and lots and lots of baggage about my Dad. The last two paragraphs barely scrape the surface.
Next rant. Tacobell has been showing this new commercial depicting something that I find incredibly upsetting for two reasons.
the women depicted smile and say no when asked if they want something,
and then as the food arrives or is handed off, they immediately dig into
it. It really pisses me off that this an okay thing to stereotype. It
pisses me off an equal amount that these women laugh or smile and say
no, then immediately take food off the other person's plate. DO NOT EVER
TAKE FOOD FROM ME OR FROM MY PLATE.
If we are in a position of
eating out and I ask if you would like to share an appetizer, and you
say no, but then try to eat it when it arrives, I am going to be
furious. If you wanted to share you should have said yes. If I am not
WILLING to share, you may order your own, but I will not hesitate to
assault someone who tries to take food from me. It's not a "fat" thing,
it's an "I was a starving child" thing. Don't try to turn it on me.
Don't try to judge me. Order your own damn food.
If I OFFER you
some food and you say no, that is fine. If I OFFER you some food, and
you take some that is fine. If I am minding my own business enjoying my
meal and you reach for some you may find a fork or knife in your hand
and I am not even kidding.
I have had arguments with coworkers
at several different jobs because they wanted to try what I was eating
and just reached for it and I flipped out. Most of them didn't make that
In fairness, I will never try to take food from
you. I am not, and never wish to be a hypocrite. If you have not given
me express permission to take some of what you have, I will not touch
it. I do not take food from my siblings or Mother unless they
specifically offer it. I do not take more than is offered.
think that's all I can manage. I'm sorry for the raw emotional rant,
but I just haven't been able to communicate well for so long that I
needed to vent.