Fragmented Planning

I posted an alarming entry a couple of days ago, and I want to thank my friends and family for expressing their concern and support.

I wrote out a bunch of explanation and apology but it was confusing to write, let alone read so I'm just going to move on. I know that I have good friends, and family, and I know who I can contact if I am in crisis, and I am incredibly thankful for both.

I don't know all of what lies ahead, but I do know that there are things I would like to do. I'd like to visit the West Coast, and get to meet my cousins. Technically I met two of them when I was 7, but that was 23 years ago and it was the summer Grandpa died so... Yeah I want to create some new positive memories with my cousins, if they want to meet me. If they don't I have some other friends (Lori and Mike) who live in that area, that I'd love to spend some time with, and I could go further south and see my Aunt and maybe my Uncle in California (And Batchix if she isn't busy ;D). I'd also like to go to Arizona and be a Tourist. I've never seen the desert, and I believe a good chunk of Arizona is desert. So I could visit Myriai, and pass through to Texas to see DollyKat and all my Texas family.

None of this is like actually planned out with maps and dates and times or anything. Just things I would like to do. I need to remind myself of the things I would like to do, when I'm in a dangerous self-harm kind of mindset, and that's a huge travel list to fixate on and embellish. And that's just the US trip.

I'm not saying I'm okay, or that I didn't mean what I said. I'm just trying to show that I haven't given up despite the inclination.