The Moral of the Story Is.. I'm a Mess.

I find it telling that it takes really simple, really STUPID things to point out my neurotic tendencies.

My mind tends to wander in the mornings, especially when doing tasks I don't need to concentrate that much on. So as I'm brushing my teeth, and then shaving before work I'm thinking about the t-shirt I'm wearing. I picked it up at Five Below, because I found it both true and ironic. It says "I NEVER FINISH ANYTHI" which is true to a point. When it comes to craft/doll/other stuff that is not the most important thing to do, I rarely do it all and one time. I'll cut out an outfit and come back to it, or a wig, or a drawing, or a tv/movie series.

In contrast, when it's something pertinent I will grind through it so it's done and I don't have to worry about it anymore. Like speed paying my bills the morning of my check depositing. Done! On to other things. Or tasks at work. I won't ignore customers but I will take that extra 15 seconds to finish my task so that I can give them my full attention.

And yet I'm, shaving and thinking "I bought this shirt cause it was funny and kind of true, but if I wore this to work, like not under my work shirt, I'd hate for someone to take it seriously." I was similarly neurotic about all my black t-shirts with sarcastic quotes in bold white text, that I bought in my teens. I bought them because they were funny, not because they were true, and yet I would get people asking me about them, as though they believed these sayings described me. The first was "It's not that I'm anti-social, I just don't like you." Which I wore until it wore out.

The truth of the matter is, I have social anxiety disorder. Not as severe as my younger sister, but people make me an anxious mess. I can BE social but the whole time it's a bit forced until I am comfortable with them. And if they comment or judge me in a way that is noticeable, I melt down. I have a very difficult time reading people until I've known them awhile, and I'm high energy so I talk ALOT and worry ALOT about whether I'm being annoying. Cause that's what I've been told most of my life. "SHUT UP. YOU'RE BEING ANNOYING."

So it's thoughts like these that cause me to feel quite so proud of having my first "Grown Up" job. I'm not a supremely well adjusted person. So working a Monday through Friday, 9-6 job with benefits and respect, is an amazing accomplishment for me.

Thoughts like this, while shaving, also lead to a crooked line along the bottom of my beard. :[ I probably should have been paying more attention to my face at that point. It'll be back to normal in a few days though.

I hope everyone has an awesome Sunday. :]