I've been meaning to write a post better documenting all the changes and
experiences I've had, but I never seem to have the focus or energy.
It should be noted that I pass about 90% of the time. I'm on the short
side, and my voice isn't like super-crazy-deep. What confuses me is that
I tend to read as straight male most of the time.
I consistently
get women twirling their hair, playing with their lips, and other
flirty cues when I'm in the buy shop and they're trying to get a better
deal. Then there's the confusing aspect of lesbians hitting on me. No
idea what's going on with that. I'm rocking a full beard, and they
aren't using female pronouns when they talk to me, or say something to a
co-worker, so I don't know if they're picking up that I'm gay, or it's a
crossed wire or what.
There is also a customer who I've helped
many times over the 10 months I've worked at cash converters, who will
use female pronouns then correct herself saying "I don't know why I do
that EVERY time, I'm sorry."
There was also a presumptuous and
pushy woman who came in to sell her (ex?)boyfriend's videogames. She
felt that no one should play video games, if they are older than like 5,
and then said something along the lines of "but of course you're too
smart to be preoccupied with something as silly as videogames, and I'd
bet you don't ignore your girlfriend for xbox." And I responded "Well I
don't have a girlfriend, and actually I still love videogames, have all
my original systems and games and play them regularly." And she kind of
stared for a minute, then rolled her eyes and left.
And then
today I was getting to know a new co-worker, and mentioned that I had
been a military dependant, and the new guy asked what my wife had done
in the Navy. Without making a huge deal of it, I said "He was a fire
controlman actually, my exhusband."
And then in complete contrast
to that, we have one of the rudest most offensive customers I've ever
had. He was mad that he had to wait in line for one. I was in the
buyshop, had about 8 people waiting, was the only person on that side,
as is usual with how undermanned we are, and he tried to jump line as
soon as he walked in, asking me to quote a price on a mac. I told him
I'd have to see it(cause he didn't bother to bring it in with him), and
that there was a line. He got angry and asked if there was anyone else. I
told him, "Nope, just me. :]" So he goes and gets it, and some xbox
games, and waits. I finally get to him, quote a price, that he didn't
like, and start to look at the condition of the games.
The
process for that is, open the case, flip the disc, assess the scratches,
close the case. I do that for each game/movie/etc that I buy. So I go
through, check discs, put the ones I can take in one stack, and the
others in the box he brought them in. He snaps after about 5 discs and
says "FORGET IT!" and I ask "I'm sorry? Forget about the games?" and he
snaps "GET OUT OF MY F*****G FACE"
And I blink, "Uh, you can't
talk to me like that." He says he can talk however he wants. "Then you
can take your things and leave". So he then calls me a queer looking
queer-ass f****t. And I repeat "You can't talk like that in here." I do
have other customers in the store, one of whom has a toddler with them.
So he shouts more offensive language on the way out, slamming into the
door as hard as he can and flipping me off on the way out.
So I peg some people as gay, apparently, but overall people seem to read
me as a straight man. Like the guys what bought me shots on my birthday
(that I barely remember). They were highfiving me for hanging out with
the hot chicks(my co-workers).
I don't think I LOOK particularly gay, but you tell me!
That said I will now mention some of the noticeable changes from the last two years.
I've grown two inches in height.
Which incidentally is NOT a common side effect, and by all rights
shouldn't have happened. It's not "supposed" to be possible for someone
who is 29 years old to grow. Theoretically my growth plates should have
closed. I know one other person with my condition who has also grown as a
direct result of testosterone treatment. I was told it does NOT happen,
NOT to expect it, and in fact that it was impossible. My doctors are
baffled (and a bit jealous, as they're both short men), but have
promised to make inquiries.
My weight is 240, about 10 pounds
lighter than I was two years ago, but I've gone down 4 inches in the
waist, and 2 sizes in shirts. I'm significantly smaller in size, but
taller and more proportional. My hands have grown. I've gone up 2 ring
sizes. My feet have not grown that I have noticed, but they've always
been tiny. In regards to weight I was told that ALL FTM put on weight,
and that I needed to lose it before on was on testosterone too long or
it would be about impossible. However all of the weight I've lost, has
happened later into my treatment.
I've also noticed that both my
legs and arms have slimmed down quite a bit, in that they aren't much
bigger than Osaka's or Ringos. I'm still kind of chunky, but most of it
is in my torso now. And I've noticed that my chest is actually getting
smaller. Proportionally it's about the same as it was, but if I were
still wearing a bra, I think I'd be about an E now, rather than a JJ.
I still have a ways to go, to get to where I want to be, both in weight
and shape, but I think I'll be reasonably happy with my body if I can
get down to 200 or thereabouts, pre-chest surgery. Then I should be
done, and can focus on all the mundane things in my life.
