I have a consult with a surgeon.

This will mean nothing to those who haven't been following my transition, but I have a consult with a surgeon on February 12th. I am nervous and hesitantly excited.

I have been shopping around for surgeons for over a year, and this is the first one who responded to my request for a consult.

I don't really have anything else to say. I'm pleased to be making progress but I don't want to get my hopes up, because I won't know anything for sure until I see the surgeon, initially.

I think my main goals for this year, are to get my name legally changed finally, and if possible have this surgery. If I can manage both, that will bring me to the final legal step of transition, where I petition the state of Texas to legally change that F to M on all documentation. I don't think I can manage that this year too, but it's the final step.

In other medical news, I will be due to go back and see my GP for a chest xray to make sure the pneumonia is DONE and sorted in early February. I will probably do that on the 5th after my appointment with my new Psychologist (Still seeing Dr T, who is a Psychiatrist) to just get it done. Fingers crossed for no pneumonia.

Legos are a good start to a new year! Pneumonia, not so much.

I was discussing with Steve the other day, that I tend to buy Lego sets after I have to visit the doctor, and that got to asking which of the current sets that I'm collecting, do I have so far. I'm collecting from City, Castle, and Creator sets, but if I see a creator set that I haven't seen before that's what I'm likely to pick over anything else.

Anyway I told him I'd take pictures once I got the most recent set together, which was the "Mining" set. I apologize for the dirty rug. I didn't realize how much debris there was until I was laying on the floor for photos. e_e;;


It looks like something out of Skyrim so I put my Abominable Snowman, and a warrior on it.


Two of them I got on the same day on my birthday. Osaka's brother was really kind about driving me around trying to find the beach house, which was the one I really wanted. Oh and that is 3 surfboards stacked. Only 1 comes with the set. King Neptune was a minifig, can't recall which series. Ebay or Amazon probably has him though. Same goes for 80's bot.




Then most recently, aside from the "Mining" Creator set, I got this tree-house cause tree-houses are COOL.


I'm sorry I've not been posting more. I've been ..off. Ill actually. I found out Saturday that I never beat the pneumonia from.. September? Late August? It was bad then, and it's not quite as bad now, but we didn't eradicate it.

I've also been incredibly depressed but am under the care of a very good Psychiatrist, and soon a Psychologist to see if that helps. In addition, when I see my normal health doctor, He is really great about listening to what's going on, and looking for ways to treat any of it, aside from loading me up on every psychotropic drug out there.

I was amused when I saw Dr T, my Psych, and he complimented my liver (based on recent blood tests). This bodes well, it means, from what I can glean through different credible sources, that I am in fact living healthy, eating healthy, and taking in enough fluids to counteract the negative side effects of Lithium. I mean I still feel like crap, but it's not just depression, or being on meds. Much of it has to be the pneumonia. I've battled depression my whole life, and this is a different kind of fatigue.

I'm sorry to be a downer, I just thought I'd let ya'll know what's up. If you're reading this and we are supposed to be doing a trade or swap, I haven't forgotten (but you may PM me on the board if you like), and I'm sorry, and I promise I will come through and make something amazing, but I need to be breathing properly before I will have the energy to do anything good.

As it is I'm winded getting out of bed, standing up, etc. Ideally I should be sitting and knitting or sewing, but I need to get the fabric out, and even when I feel healthy there is much back and forth before I can start. But I really haven't forgotten, and I am sorry for the wait.

I hope everyone else has had a nicer start to 2014. This is a little rocky, but I'm hopeful.

October has a new sweater!

Mom lovingly knit this sweater for October, my Tiny Delf, as a birthday gift to me. The scale is ridiculously tiny, and I hope that my photos do this piece of art justice.






Also, I haven't shaved since that first post of the 30 day photo post (June?), and now I look like this:


I've been contemplating trimming the beard but I'm curious now and kind of want to let it grow and see what happens. It's gone all curly at the sides. I did trim my mustache last night because it was getting in my mouth constantly.

Facial hair is amazing. I've had a very late start, and oh yeah, I'm 4 years on testosterone now, as of late August, so I should do a comparison thing again.

So.. this has been 2013 so far.

Earlier this year I alluded to some of my health issues, both physical and psychological.

Let's see, I started with hallucinations in April, broke my tooth May 7th (Osaka's birthday) and started the Lithium same day. Then I was tried on a couple of other meds in conjunction with the Lithium, and my Psych, Dr T ended up putting me back on the clonazepam/klonopin, but as a twice daily, not take as needed.

The Lithium set off my hypothyroidism, but it took a little while to figure that out. I was completely psychotic from ???-August?, mid September? I spent all of my not at work time, in a half sleep, migrainy, sleep-walking state. Constant pain, just wanted to curl up and never wake up. I am told (I remember almost nothing since my wisdom teeth were pulled) that I was aggressive, super reactive, and physically sluggish to the point of being standoffish and rude to people I would normally be excited to interact with.

When Dr T did the standard blood test panel, he was incredibly alarmed to see where my thyroid functionality was. He's an animated man, and told me that my thyroid was playing dead, and that if we didn't up my synthroid, it wouldn't be playing anymore. So we did, and I began to react more like a human being, and stopped falling asleep standing up, mid sentence, sleep eating, etc.

I gained close to 25 pounds over the summer. I usually spend the summer in the water. I spent this summer in an angry walking coma.

Then there was the pneumonia. One morning in late September, I had a cough. I'd been coughing up phlegm in huge green chunks, so I thought I probably had a sinus or upper respiratory infection. I seem to get one every year, so I was annoyed but not alarmed. However that morning I coughed up into the sink and saw blood. Huge dark red globs of blood that looked like a jelly. I was surprised, but decided to wait it out (because I am clearly an idiot). Then I coughed up more blood, this time bright red, and obviously fresh.

I texted a friend asking if they could drop me at my doctor's because I was coughing up blood. They did, and my usual doctor Dr C gave me a diagnosis after some time. It should be noted that I also asked if I could get my flu shot while I was there.. maybe between bouts of coughing blood? I don't know. Their xray tech was out with the flu so they did the diagnoses by trying to listen to my lungs. They couldn't hear them, not from the front, the side, the back, I had no lungs that could be heard. There were some back and forth questions and finally the Nurse  Practitioner came back. He said "I spoke with Dr C, and he said you're not gonna like it." I frowned, "Well what is it?"

He paused, "We think it's pneumonia-"

"DAMNIT!" I coughed, "Sorry.. I don't want it to be pneumonia."

He said "I don't think anyone wants it to be pneumonia but we're as sure as we can be without an x-ray. We'll give you antibiotics and a round of steroids to treat."

Then he paused again, "How do you feel?"

"My lungs hurt!" I groused. I said this to Osaka the previous night actually, cried, because I was complaining about what I thought was a cold, or maybe the flu.

So they gave me a breathing treatment, and a script for 800mg motrin for the pain. I took the full course of both the steroids and antibiotic, and saw Dr T, about a day into my treatment. He was just back from vacation, and he said every single one of his patients seemed to be ill. First he told me that I looked like hell.

We determined that my current dosage of Lithium, Clonazepam, and Levothyroxin (Synthroid), should stay where they're at for now, and I will see him again in December unless Osaka or I notice any fluctuation in reactivity or signs of Lithium toxicity.

Basically I have been continuously sick either one way or another since mid April. 2013 is not my year.

This is not meant to be a pity party post. This is meant to be informative, since I have not posted anything of substance in SEVERAL months.

I'm really upset about this summer because I know that I hurt alot of people who care about me, and I literally had no control over it, which does NOT make it okay, but I feel like a horse's ass.

In particular I alienated most of my coworkers, and I can't remember any of it. No idea what I said or did. I was also (I can vaguely remember this because I remember thinking that they were reacting oddly to me) incredibly rude to a very good friend I rarely get to see, Osaka's brother while he was out visiting this summer, and I hope to make it up to him (if that is possible) next time he comes out here to visit his sister and nephew.

He, Osaka, and Ringo all bent over backwards trying to make my birthday what I wanted it to be, and I was too sick in the head to understand or appreciate what they were doing for me.

Incidences like that, are part of why I was so terrified of being put on meds. I KNOW that they help when you find the right balance and mix, but it's the trial and error and unintended side effects that terrify me.

Prior to medication, I had a much better indication of when I was going to react badly, and was clearheaded enough to remove myself from situations.

I have no idea where I stand now, but I feel that I am with the right Doctors, and that eventually I will find and understand the new normal.

October has clothes.

Over the weekend I was able to get some pants and a shirt made for October. Both patterns will need further tweaking but he is no longer NAKED, which is the important part.

Funnily enough, as I was shaping out my patterns, Osaka took him and a moment later plopped him down, now wearing a hat. "There, now he's not naked," and after a quirked brow from me "What? He's not naked, he's wearing a hat!"

Yes. Yes, he is wearing a hat, and also clothes.






And, one with Reji to kind of show how Tiny Delfs compare to PukiPukis.


Anyone else have a Tiny Delf? Where do you find your shoes for them? His feet are tiny but wide.

Introducing October

So back in July, a week before my birthday I ordered myself one last doll for the year. I placed an order during the summer Luts event, and got a Tiny Delf Alice (in brown skin). My intention was to name this doll October, and give it orange eyes, and make it kind of an Autumn baby.

Well apparently intending to name it October meant that I had to RECEIVE it in October. So, oops. Weird dolly luck, but October has arrived (both the month and the doll) and the doll is everything I hoped for. I was very surprised when I opened the box because the first thing I did was to slip the facemask off and I saw TEEFERS! I had no idea that this sculpt had little teeth, and I REALLY love that in the dolls, of all sizes, so it was a very pleasant surprise. It's subtle, and only visible from an upnose view, but there are very definite sculpted and painted teeth in that softly opened mouth.

I'm undecided on whether I want to change to the orange eyes I thought I wanted, because these beautiful dark green eyes are compelling. The body is gender neutral and I'm still not sure if October wants to be a boy or a girl. I'm leaning towards male, because that's what I do, but I would not be against having a tiny precious girl, because I do love Sarabelle who was up to now my tiny precious baby(est).

I apologize for the quality of the pictures, my hands were shaking really badly, and the lighting is crap because it's a quarter of midnight.




On the agenda for tomorrow, is putting together a shirt, and some shorts so that October is no longer Naked!Baby. If the creative juices flow well, I may put together something fun and cute, instead of simple and functional.

Public Service Announcement

What I thought was persistent allergies or maybe a sinus or upper respiratory infection was in fact pneumonia.

I am taking my meds and resting as I'm able. No one else is allowed to ask/ tell me not to die. I have THINGS to do. Death is not happening.

That is all.

30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 11

It's a 30 day photography challenge. I make no promises that these will be CONSECUTIVE days.

[x] Day 1 Self Portrait
[x] Day 2 What you wore
[x] Day 3 Clouds
[x] Day 4 Something green
[x] Day 5 After Dark
[x] Day 6 Obsession
[x] Day 7 Changes to come
[x] Day 8 Routine
[x] Day 9 Someone you love
[x] Day 10 Childhood Memory
[x] Day 11 Something blue
[ ] Day 12 Sunset
[ ] Day 13 Cannot live without
[ ] Day 14 Eyes
[ ] Day 15 Silhouette
[ ] Day 16 A good habit
[ ] Day 17 Technology
[ ] Day 18 Your shoes
[ ] Day 19 Something you want
[ ] Day 20 In my bag
[ ] Day 21 Faceless self portrait
[ ] Day 22 Inspirational
[ ] Day 23 Patterns
[ ] Day 24 Animal
[ ] Day 25 Strangers
[ ] Day 26 Close-up
[ ] Day 27 Celebration
[ ] Day 28 Flowers
[ ] Day 29 Black and white
[ ] Day 30 Self portrait

This is another cell phone pic, so I apologize for the slightly grainy texture.


I happened to look up and saw the half moon in the sky this morning and tried to capture it.

30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 10

It's a 30 day photography challenge. I make no promises that these will be CONSECUTIVE days.

[x] Day 1 Self Portrait
[x] Day 2 What you wore
[x] Day 3 Clouds
[x] Day 4 Something green
[x] Day 5 After Dark
[x] Day 6 Obsession
[x] Day 7 Changes to come
[x] Day 8 Routine
[x] Day 9 Someone you love
[x] Day 10 Childhood Memory
[ ] Day 11 Something blue
[ ] Day 12 Sunset
[ ] Day 13 Cannot live without
[ ] Day 14 Eyes
[ ] Day 15 Silhouette
[ ] Day 16 A good habit
[ ] Day 17 Technology
[ ] Day 18 Your shoes
[ ] Day 19 Something you want
[ ] Day 20 In my bag
[ ] Day 21 Faceless self portrait
[ ] Day 22 Inspirational
[ ] Day 23 Patterns
[ ] Day 24 Animal
[ ] Day 25 Strangers
[ ] Day 26 Close-up
[ ] Day 27 Celebration
[ ] Day 28 Flowers
[ ] Day 29 Black and white
[ ] Day 30 Self portrait

This is Cloudshine.



Cloudshine was one of five stuffed dogs left on our doorstep as part of a 12 days of Christmas mystery gifting when we lived in Fredricksburg, Texas. Two of the dogs were a butterscotch color, two were a milk chocolate color, and the last was grey. Everyone wanted the grey dog and began to argue when someone pointed out that each dog had a ribbon around their neck, a different color. The two butterscotch dogs had a red, and a blue ribbon. The two chocolate dogs, had a yellow, and a green ribbon. On the grey dog was a purple ribbon.

We all had "Family" colors, Red, Blue, Purple, Yellow, and Green. So Dad said that we each got the dog with our color, period, no switching, no fighting. I ended up with the coveted grey dog, and he has been precious to me since the day I got him. I was going to name him Thundercloud, but was convinced I should name him something with Shine in it, because he was so shiny. I don't remember what if anything Jenni named hers, but Bonnie's was Butterscotch, and Faythe's was Vanessa. Moose's was named Jeremy.

30 Day Photo Challenge, Day 9

It's a 30 day photography challenge. I make no promises that these will be CONSECUTIVE days.

[x] Day 1 Self Portrait
[x] Day 2 What you wore
[x] Day 3 Clouds
[x] Day 4 Something green
[x] Day 5 After Dark
[x] Day 6 Obsession
[x] Day 7 Changes to come
[x] Day 8 Routine
[x] Day 9 Someone you love
[ ] Day 10 Childhood Memory
[ ] Day 11 Something blue
[ ] Day 12 Sunset
[ ] Day 13 Cannot live without
[ ] Day 14 Eyes
[ ] Day 15 Silhouette
[ ] Day 16 A good habit
[ ] Day 17 Technology
[ ] Day 18 Your shoes
[ ] Day 19 Something you want
[ ] Day 20 In my bag
[ ] Day 21 Faceless self portrait
[ ] Day 22 Inspirational
[ ] Day 23 Patterns
[ ] Day 24 Animal
[ ] Day 25 Strangers
[ ] Day 26 Close-up
[ ] Day 27 Celebration
[ ] Day 28 Flowers
[ ] Day 29 Black and white
[ ] Day 30 Self portrait

There was some delay in this, as I decided how I wanted to do it. I went with Ringo, Osaka's son.



This photo was taken this morning with my phone, as I was about to go to work.