So.. this has been 2013 so far.

Earlier this year I alluded to some of my health issues, both physical and psychological.

Let's see, I started with hallucinations in April, broke my tooth May 7th (Osaka's birthday) and started the Lithium same day. Then I was tried on a couple of other meds in conjunction with the Lithium, and my Psych, Dr T ended up putting me back on the clonazepam/klonopin, but as a twice daily, not take as needed.

The Lithium set off my hypothyroidism, but it took a little while to figure that out. I was completely psychotic from ???-August?, mid September? I spent all of my not at work time, in a half sleep, migrainy, sleep-walking state. Constant pain, just wanted to curl up and never wake up. I am told (I remember almost nothing since my wisdom teeth were pulled) that I was aggressive, super reactive, and physically sluggish to the point of being standoffish and rude to people I would normally be excited to interact with.

When Dr T did the standard blood test panel, he was incredibly alarmed to see where my thyroid functionality was. He's an animated man, and told me that my thyroid was playing dead, and that if we didn't up my synthroid, it wouldn't be playing anymore. So we did, and I began to react more like a human being, and stopped falling asleep standing up, mid sentence, sleep eating, etc.

I gained close to 25 pounds over the summer. I usually spend the summer in the water. I spent this summer in an angry walking coma.

Then there was the pneumonia. One morning in late September, I had a cough. I'd been coughing up phlegm in huge green chunks, so I thought I probably had a sinus or upper respiratory infection. I seem to get one every year, so I was annoyed but not alarmed. However that morning I coughed up into the sink and saw blood. Huge dark red globs of blood that looked like a jelly. I was surprised, but decided to wait it out (because I am clearly an idiot). Then I coughed up more blood, this time bright red, and obviously fresh.

I texted a friend asking if they could drop me at my doctor's because I was coughing up blood. They did, and my usual doctor Dr C gave me a diagnosis after some time. It should be noted that I also asked if I could get my flu shot while I was there.. maybe between bouts of coughing blood? I don't know. Their xray tech was out with the flu so they did the diagnoses by trying to listen to my lungs. They couldn't hear them, not from the front, the side, the back, I had no lungs that could be heard. There were some back and forth questions and finally the Nurse  Practitioner came back. He said "I spoke with Dr C, and he said you're not gonna like it." I frowned, "Well what is it?"

He paused, "We think it's pneumonia-"

"DAMNIT!" I coughed, "Sorry.. I don't want it to be pneumonia."

He said "I don't think anyone wants it to be pneumonia but we're as sure as we can be without an x-ray. We'll give you antibiotics and a round of steroids to treat."

Then he paused again, "How do you feel?"

"My lungs hurt!" I groused. I said this to Osaka the previous night actually, cried, because I was complaining about what I thought was a cold, or maybe the flu.

So they gave me a breathing treatment, and a script for 800mg motrin for the pain. I took the full course of both the steroids and antibiotic, and saw Dr T, about a day into my treatment. He was just back from vacation, and he said every single one of his patients seemed to be ill. First he told me that I looked like hell.

We determined that my current dosage of Lithium, Clonazepam, and Levothyroxin (Synthroid), should stay where they're at for now, and I will see him again in December unless Osaka or I notice any fluctuation in reactivity or signs of Lithium toxicity.

Basically I have been continuously sick either one way or another since mid April. 2013 is not my year.

This is not meant to be a pity party post. This is meant to be informative, since I have not posted anything of substance in SEVERAL months.

I'm really upset about this summer because I know that I hurt alot of people who care about me, and I literally had no control over it, which does NOT make it okay, but I feel like a horse's ass.

In particular I alienated most of my coworkers, and I can't remember any of it. No idea what I said or did. I was also (I can vaguely remember this because I remember thinking that they were reacting oddly to me) incredibly rude to a very good friend I rarely get to see, Osaka's brother while he was out visiting this summer, and I hope to make it up to him (if that is possible) next time he comes out here to visit his sister and nephew.

He, Osaka, and Ringo all bent over backwards trying to make my birthday what I wanted it to be, and I was too sick in the head to understand or appreciate what they were doing for me.

Incidences like that, are part of why I was so terrified of being put on meds. I KNOW that they help when you find the right balance and mix, but it's the trial and error and unintended side effects that terrify me.

Prior to medication, I had a much better indication of when I was going to react badly, and was clearheaded enough to remove myself from situations.

I have no idea where I stand now, but I feel that I am with the right Doctors, and that eventually I will find and understand the new normal.