*TRIGGER WARNING* self harm

I awoke this morning to an unfamiliar male voice in the apartment. It was a soft voice, but I snapped awake and was startled to have not six inches from my face, a baby-faced blond police officer, who was speaking at eye level to Ringo. I determined this through bleary eyes without glasses based on the color of his clothing and the placement of patches. I responded by not responding when I sat bolt upright and was greeted with "Well hey there big guy!"

I mostly squirmed in my sheets for several minutes as adrenaline raced through me, trying to get a handle on what exactly was going on. I called out to Osaka, who explained that Ringo had threatened self-harm, and had also threatened her, and was trying to get at a weapon when she called the crisis number.

We had discussed this in the last few days, that the next time he made this threat we needed to take it seriously and actually call the number. It's the second threat with actions implying intent in three weeks. It's a threat we have heard quite a bit I am sad to say, mostly when he has his screaming meltdown tantrums which have gotten more severe lately.

After a few minutes the police officer spoke with a female officer, and Osaka. Ringo began packing up a suitcase and then several other smaller bags. The male officer gently told him that he couldn't take the whole apartment with him. The officer asked if I had heard anything and I said that I hadn't. He said I must be a heavy sleeper. I told him that the medication helped with sleep, and the fan's white noise blocked out the rest.

I finally stepped off into the bathroom to get dressed, and found Osaka, and Ringo leaving for the Hospital when I came out. I asked Osaka to keep me updated as they determined the best course of action.

I went to work. I did my tasks, texting Osaka every half hour or so asking if anything was settled, did we know what was next, etc. At about 2pm I convinced her to let me leave work and bring her food since she had not eaten at all today. One of my coworkers was very kind about it and ran me by Wendy's and then dropped me off at the ER, where they had put Ringo. I asked the receptionist if it was okay for me to bring in food and explained that Osaka had not eaten all day and she and Ringo had been there since early. She said it was fine and directed me to security for a visitor's pass. The pass had a photo of me on it with a date and time stamp, 4/28/2014 3:05:04pm.

I stayed with them and we talked softly back and forth, I was there for 4 hours, they were there for 10, all told, I believe.

It had been determined that Ringo was going to be checked into a mental health hospital, and the main reason for the wait, was trying to find an adolescent hospital with a free bed/room. Ringo was nervous and at times very scared. He kept insisting that they were going to strap him down and jab him with needles full of sedatives. I explained that it doesn't work that way, and told him about my own experience (albeit as an outpatient) with a mental health hospital, to try and reassure him.

Eventually the hospital sent an ambulance to retrieve Ringo and Osaka (for paperwork). I asked if I could come but it was against regulations. So I hugged them both, and I walked to the college campus where the covered bus stop is, because it was raining. I was able to sit and feel numb and conflicted for about 10 minutes before my bus came, and then I hurried home to walk and feed and water the dogs, who had been shut up since the police came in the morning (I assume).

Today was so long, and so gut wrenching, and upsetting all around even though logically I know it was the right thing to do. Osaka and I discussed this as a we must do this next time he threatens self harm, because we MUST take it seriously, thing, and it's still upsetting.

I am full of adrenaline, and writhing guts full of FEELINGS, and concern. I hope that Ringo isn't scared now. I hope that he's sleeping restfully. I hope that this hospitalization teaches him some coping skills, and that he grasps why we have to take him seriously.

I hope I can calm down.