The State of The Rory

I got another written warning regarding illness related absences at work on Sunday. The dates on the paper align with my kidney stone absences. I am increasingly frustrated. I woke up today and had an anxiety attack and then fell down and torqued my back, causing bruising right along the spine. I remembered after the fact some advice I was given years ago, to let myself fall rather than trying to catch myself because I am less likely to be injured as badly if I hit the ground, and more likely to injure my spine and/or shoulders if I try to catch myself when I am falling. And that's what I've done. I wrenched my right arm badly, left arm almost out socket which is just about a daily thing now, and have swelling in my lower back radiating up on both sides of the spine.

I was scheduled to work today but my back is still swollen badly and every time I try to stand or move I get stabbing pain. My arms are back where they are supposed to be, but I am aggravated. I feel like my time with this job is ticking down and I can't do anything about it because it's my health that is the issue, not my work ethic. So I called out.. again, explained that I had fallen and was unlikely be able to get my back in order in time to be useful for my shift, and my manager was understanding and marked me down as called out.

I expressed to Osaka last night, and several times recently that I am SO TIRED of being sick. I have not been truly well since I was hospitalized last June. My health has been on a steady decline since then, and no matter what I try to do to heal and recover my body seems to be laughing at me and saying "NO." I am so damned frustrated, and I don't know what to do.

I guess if/when I get laid off for being sick, I will focus on school until I move at the end of Spring semester, and put in for work. I could get lucky and find something temporary that will accommodate my health issues and school schedule. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow but I won't know if I don't try.

In not health news, I will have some doll stuff up for sale or trade soon-ish as soon as I have a day with good lighting and a few hours of piece and quiet. I may have wigs and clothes, but I'm probably gonna weed out resin bits first, and then worry about wigs, and eyes. I like having extra wigs and eyes on hands as placeholders and they usually find a home in someone eventually.