Thursday, April 21, 2022

ADHD + Disordered sleep frustration.

It is 3am April 21st, 2022 when I began typing, and 3:58am when I finished and skimmed for spelling or auto replace errors.

I am currently on second course of antibiotics since the sinus infection cleared from my sinuses but is trying to take root in my lungs (because my history of pneumonia means its too dangerous to ignore whistling and crackling noises in my lungs). Current dose a two week course of Doxycycline and is roughly a month after the Z-Pak which knocked it out of the sinuses but didn't quite kill it. I'm on end of week one of the two week course.

My fever is inconsistent after the first few days which highest on Sunday(?) or Monday at °99.8F, resting closer to my normal temp (°97F flat) but still a bit warm, but I also run low fevers with my migraines so I have to take that in mind. 

I'm no longer obviously draining into my lungs but I still have some cough/tickle sensation which feels reflexive rather than a response to anything actually being in my throat. 

So that said, the last two or three days I've mostly slept. I slept in chunks Monday or Tuesday, or both in longer chunks than I've been used to getting and somewhat more restful but not on my "standard" circadian rhythm. 

I felt like I was awake forever yesterday but I slept for at least two long naps from 2am-ish to somewhere around 8am then like.. maybe 11am to 3pm, and another nap sometime after that didn't take super well.

I'm still pretty food averse and also got the results back (via phone call to voicemail from our doc) on our bloodwork with some not great news which means more stress which means more disordered sleep and more stress about trying to eat regularly and carefully. 

Basically my 12(?) years of Testosterone therapy has made my migraines come back which I knew (it wasn't immediate but gradual), my cholesterol jumped up a few points to a "let's be careful" level, and my blood sugar went from probably pre-diabetic where it has hovered for at least three years without crossing over to, definitely early diabetic. 

This is especially frustrating because my connective tissues are fragile as hell which is standard with H-EDS and POTS (at least when co-morbid as I have), so my diverticulosis is SEVERE and my diet is mainly bread, cheese, meat, and whatever low amounts of other grains, veggies, and fruits I can get my body to tolerate, which actually translates to I mainly survive on frozen food or varied starch or meat based soups because they require low prep and cause the least distress to my guts. 

If I have a salad I need to bury it in like hard boiled egg, cheese, dressing, croutons, minimum and I like to put bacon crumbles on it when possible. That alone still gives me severe cramping for 2 days minimum. So last time we also got a to-go pizza and had that with our giant salad and I had much less pain afterwards. 

My only serious staple as far as my pain is concerned is my mountain dew. Some days I may have 1 can, other days I may have 3. I've cut soda out in the past pre-chronic migraine but none of my medicine works as well without that sugar caffeine balance. 

I also have a serious intolerance for artificial sugars. They TEAR UP MY GUTS and always have. I gave up yogurt very suddenly in the late 90s because all the brands I could stand the texture of used aspartame. I kept getting stomache aches when I was trying to have yogurt to settle stomache aches. 

So I'm newly told that I'm early diabetic and that we know my diet is limited because of these reasons but I should do my best to cut out sugar. And yes I absolutely should where possible.

I can't switch to sugar free soda, and I can't quit it (I've seriously tried many times) and it is basically my 1 real source of sugar. I know bread also turns to sugar in the body but I've really been trying to keep my diet balanced and my body is just like LOL NOPE. 

THIS ISNT EVEN WHAT I ROLLER OVER MAD ABOUT. I took my morning meds a bit early so if I slept through the normal window I wouldn't miss any doses. I've done this a few times in the last two months fighting this crap first in my sinuses and now in my lungs. Today for what feels like the first time in a year or so my stimulant kicked in like it should about an hour after I took it, maybe only 30 minutes. 

The problem is I was laying down in the dark trying to get at least 2 hours of sleep to rest my eyes. Brain went "NO I'M UP AND WE HAVE IDEEAAAAAAS!!!" And that's not bad exactly but it's sure damn inconvenient when I'm exhausted from antibiotics and spotty sleep, and the stress of stopping Testosterone entirely (I didn't even get into why, it makes me make too much blood, even with anemic iron levels I have a pint extra of red blood cells, at least), and now I'm diabetic just like Dad who was NOT A RESPONSIBLE DIABETIC, and like Mom who works very hard to be responsible and eat carefully and well. I have so much love and respect for her truly for listening to her doctors and putting the effort in.

I will probably end up needing a diabetic medicine but unless my blood magically thins on its own and my connective tissue magically gets healthy and strong, most put at me at high risk for invisible internal bleeding or stroke. Add into that, my necessarily limited diet to not literally rip my guts open and my inability to do without soda and I feel like the worst most irresponsible diabetic in the world. I like sweets but I really cut them mostly out when my blood sugar started showing pre-diabetic. 

I'm so frustrated. 

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About Me

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I'm Rory or Rorek in most places. I design, sew, and craft, primarily for my Asian Ball-Jointed Dolls. I also dabble in interior design, but I'm a little out of practice.

I post about the things I enjoy, which are sewing, photographing my dolls, designing new outfits, knitting, which I started in September of 2008, thanks to my Mom, and occasionally drawing, or painting.

I also post about Life Events and how they affect me and those that I love.

Currently I am living in DFW, Texas in the USA and working towards a degree in Theology.