It was Faceblindness

I figured out what I was trying to say on my post about South Korean television and culture. After that post I had at least one conversation with Faythe and another including Mom expressing my absolute delight and bafflement in discovering that I am distinctly less faceblind with South Koreans in particular. I may not get their anglicized name right but I ABSOLUTELY recognize the faces of at least 80% of the Korean actors, entertainers, etc that I've come across through watching "Men on a Mission" as well as watching and re-watching the K-dramas I've enjoyed.

In contrast let's say I am shown 100 American women all from large metropolitan cities. They may have different haircuts, clothes, distinctive features but my brain goes "face round like potato, this distinct complexion, a This is a Brunette White American Woman". That's it. No further helpful information on that face. It's one kind of vague image that literally every brunette with light skin looks like to me if they are roughly average in hight and/or build. I can recognize with certainly from any mainly white culture (Specifically I'm thinking America, Canada, England) maybe 2% of the faces I see. When they aren't white I have a higher chance of being able to recognize them.

In contrast if you show me 300 Korean actors, singers, bit comedians, I can say with 80% certainty if I've seen them before. I may even be able to tell you who they are, what I saw them in, and some details about their likes, dislikes, and personality. ALL OF THAT INFORMATION IS LESS THAN 5 YEARS OLD TO ME. 

Do I recognize someone I worked with or went to school with in Texas? Unlikely, unless they are not white. 

Do I remember my FAR more ethnically diverse coworkers, colleagues and fellow students from Virginia? 90% likely. 

I've determined the thing that "feeds" my faceblindness is the cultural need to conform physically and aesthetically with the "herd". While that probably happens in other specific groups, I don't have as hard a time remembering other ethnic groups. In Texas because of the population density I struggle a little with telling Latin folks apart but not as much as their white counterparts, and if I'm mistaken I apologize and explain that I deal with faceblindness and please do tell me if I mistake you for another person. Like if there are two similar build nurses with same hair/eye color, I might use their scrub styles to differentiate, or accessories like jewelry or watches. 

Basically I hadn't quite found the words yet when I posted my almost figured it out discovery. 

I explained to Mom in particular that when I'm watching Men on Mission while I can't recognize a dialect exactly, I can recognize the idols even when their hair changes length, color, style. I do NOT have that working for me with any other distinct culture. It's almost like I'm not faceblind at all for South Korea.

I can also tell based on what I've learned if a family or clan orginated in Northern Korea closer to Japan (I think, my geography is spotty) or Southern Korea. There is a percentage where I can recognize distinct genetic markers in facial shape, skin tone, color and shape, from Mongolian ancestry in addition to their Korean roots. 

There are also naturally curly haired people all across Korea and while it seems like a low percentage its not super uncommon for boys during a sudden growth spurt to suddenly have curly hair when it was mostly straight until then. I've seen this phenomenon in some men with delayed puberty in America and England so I know there is a hormonal precedent for that specific trait. 

My own hair got much more loose curly before it thinned severely, and I had curls as a baby but when Jenni cut off my baby curls my hair was almost completely straight and would not hold curl from a curling iron at all. 5 years ago my hair was just beginning to thin from stress and also thyroid issues but the hair that is still thick (on the sides mainly) is quite curly compared to anything from youth. 

So basically I was really excited because I can recognize Korean people with about 80% accuracy. The actors and entertainers at least. Even when I "woke up" at 3am because my stimulant unexpectedly kicked in as I was trying to sleep my brain went "oh oh! That idol from that group 3 episodes ago, he was the older brother of Lieutenant Park in Signal in their childhood/past scenes. I knew that I knew his face and that he had played a major minor role and his character had been very kind. I started re-watching Signal a week or so ago and took a break before the next heavy part of the main story.

ADHD + Disordered sleep frustration.

It is 3am April 21st, 2022 when I began typing, and 3:58am when I finished and skimmed for spelling or auto replace errors.

I am currently on second course of antibiotics since the sinus infection cleared from my sinuses but is trying to take root in my lungs (because my history of pneumonia means its too dangerous to ignore whistling and crackling noises in my lungs). Current dose a two week course of Doxycycline and is roughly a month after the Z-Pak which knocked it out of the sinuses but didn't quite kill it. I'm on end of week one of the two week course.

My fever is inconsistent after the first few days which highest on Sunday(?) or Monday at °99.8F, resting closer to my normal temp (°97F flat) but still a bit warm, but I also run low fevers with my migraines so I have to take that in mind. 

I'm no longer obviously draining into my lungs but I still have some cough/tickle sensation which feels reflexive rather than a response to anything actually being in my throat. 

So that said, the last two or three days I've mostly slept. I slept in chunks Monday or Tuesday, or both in longer chunks than I've been used to getting and somewhat more restful but not on my "standard" circadian rhythm. 

I felt like I was awake forever yesterday but I slept for at least two long naps from 2am-ish to somewhere around 8am then like.. maybe 11am to 3pm, and another nap sometime after that didn't take super well.

I'm still pretty food averse and also got the results back (via phone call to voicemail from our doc) on our bloodwork with some not great news which means more stress which means more disordered sleep and more stress about trying to eat regularly and carefully. 

Basically my 12(?) years of Testosterone therapy has made my migraines come back which I knew (it wasn't immediate but gradual), my cholesterol jumped up a few points to a "let's be careful" level, and my blood sugar went from probably pre-diabetic where it has hovered for at least three years without crossing over to, definitely early diabetic. 

This is especially frustrating because my connective tissues are fragile as hell which is standard with H-EDS and POTS (at least when co-morbid as I have), so my diverticulosis is SEVERE and my diet is mainly bread, cheese, meat, and whatever low amounts of other grains, veggies, and fruits I can get my body to tolerate, which actually translates to I mainly survive on frozen food or varied starch or meat based soups because they require low prep and cause the least distress to my guts. 

If I have a salad I need to bury it in like hard boiled egg, cheese, dressing, croutons, minimum and I like to put bacon crumbles on it when possible. That alone still gives me severe cramping for 2 days minimum. So last time we also got a to-go pizza and had that with our giant salad and I had much less pain afterwards. 

My only serious staple as far as my pain is concerned is my mountain dew. Some days I may have 1 can, other days I may have 3. I've cut soda out in the past pre-chronic migraine but none of my medicine works as well without that sugar caffeine balance. 

I also have a serious intolerance for artificial sugars. They TEAR UP MY GUTS and always have. I gave up yogurt very suddenly in the late 90s because all the brands I could stand the texture of used aspartame. I kept getting stomache aches when I was trying to have yogurt to settle stomache aches. 

So I'm newly told that I'm early diabetic and that we know my diet is limited because of these reasons but I should do my best to cut out sugar. And yes I absolutely should where possible.

I can't switch to sugar free soda, and I can't quit it (I've seriously tried many times) and it is basically my 1 real source of sugar. I know bread also turns to sugar in the body but I've really been trying to keep my diet balanced and my body is just like LOL NOPE. 

THIS ISNT EVEN WHAT I ROLLER OVER MAD ABOUT. I took my morning meds a bit early so if I slept through the normal window I wouldn't miss any doses. I've done this a few times in the last two months fighting this crap first in my sinuses and now in my lungs. Today for what feels like the first time in a year or so my stimulant kicked in like it should about an hour after I took it, maybe only 30 minutes. 

The problem is I was laying down in the dark trying to get at least 2 hours of sleep to rest my eyes. Brain went "NO I'M UP AND WE HAVE IDEEAAAAAAS!!!" And that's not bad exactly but it's sure damn inconvenient when I'm exhausted from antibiotics and spotty sleep, and the stress of stopping Testosterone entirely (I didn't even get into why, it makes me make too much blood, even with anemic iron levels I have a pint extra of red blood cells, at least), and now I'm diabetic just like Dad who was NOT A RESPONSIBLE DIABETIC, and like Mom who works very hard to be responsible and eat carefully and well. I have so much love and respect for her truly for listening to her doctors and putting the effort in.

I will probably end up needing a diabetic medicine but unless my blood magically thins on its own and my connective tissue magically gets healthy and strong, most put at me at high risk for invisible internal bleeding or stroke. Add into that, my necessarily limited diet to not literally rip my guts open and my inability to do without soda and I feel like the worst most irresponsible diabetic in the world. I like sweets but I really cut them mostly out when my blood sugar started showing pre-diabetic. 

I'm so frustrated.