Medical Health

So, I saw a neurologist back in November and was put on a daily medication and an as needed medication, both of which were supposed to help with my migraines, and neither of which do. The daily medication is for certain the culprit for the kidney stone I developed and then passed, which is actually good news. My being sensitive and resistant to medication is a big red tick in the check list for towards a positive diagnosis of both conditions that my neurologists thinks that I have.

The good news is that I will be stepping off of the old medications immediately, and switching to a new daily, and a new (expensive UGH) as needed medication, and also a supplement that is supposed to help prevent migraines. He wrote a script for the supplement the first time but I never picked it up. I don't remember why, and I found the script for it later (like when I did my taxes what?) going through medical receipts. I don't have the new meds yet because the pharmacy has to order them, but they should be in tomorrow, and I'll pick them up after class.

Can I just say, again, that I really like my neurologist? I will see him once more before I leave for Texas. I missed my original followup which was scheduled for January 19th I think, because of my kidney stone, but they were all really understanding about that. One of the things that stands out about Dr Karim, is that he takes me seriously, takes my pain seriously, is respectful, and takes my concerns seriously. I really appreciate that, and I wish that it were possible to continue to see him through the diagnosis stage and finding the right medication stage, and I think he wishes that too. He is excited by how different my case is medically, but he is human and respectful about it and acknowledges that his excitement is NOT about my pain, just the challenge that it provides for him. He likes puzzles, and I am a medical puzzle.

Probably diagnoses at this point, POTS, and EDS. EXTENSIVE further testing needed.

Official Arrival of Souldoll Asiter (2nd) was February 8, 2016

Awhile back I had in my signature on Den of Angels that I was looking to purchase an old Souldoll boy body (to match my Asiter head), and after some time I was messaged by an old school DOA member asking if I might be interested in theirs. They had a whole doll but would be willing to split. Out of curiosity, I asked which doll, and it turned out it was an unmodded Asiter with a beautiful company faceup.

I crunched the numbers with Osaka, determined what length of layaway I would need to make it work (for the whole unmodded doll), and then immediately got very sick. x_x Luckily for me, the seller was incredibly kind about it, and held on to him for me, and allowed me to pay her as I was able turned out to be the remainder when my state tax return came in. I am very thankful and must say this is the nicest transaction I've had that has not been with a long established friend, ever. I hope to stay in contact and foster further friendship. I purchased from Cynthia in FlintHills on Den of Angels.

In a moment of delightful coincidence, I received a parcel from Samseramsamsam, whom I had sent a neck donut and some tidbits from Osaka and DragonMouse to help with the hybridization of her Minifee. So when I intercepted the postman he had quite the armful of stuff for me.

I neglected to take proper box opening photos but I did take photos of all the things that were sent in my parcel from Germany, and there are I hope some good photos of my new boy in here. PHOTO HEAVY.













And then my camera couldn't keep up, so I borrowed Osaka's with her permission. The great kilt outfit was also a welcome home gift from her for the new boy, whose name we have not yet settled.







Showing off the beautiful handknits that Samseramsamsam sent us.






There will be another post up either later today or tomorrow after errand running because as I slept off the worst of a really nasty migraine, Osaka kindly faceupped Ed for me, and he looks just stunning.

The State of The Rory

I got another written warning regarding illness related absences at work on Sunday. The dates on the paper align with my kidney stone absences. I am increasingly frustrated. I woke up today and had an anxiety attack and then fell down and torqued my back, causing bruising right along the spine. I remembered after the fact some advice I was given years ago, to let myself fall rather than trying to catch myself because I am less likely to be injured as badly if I hit the ground, and more likely to injure my spine and/or shoulders if I try to catch myself when I am falling. And that's what I've done. I wrenched my right arm badly, left arm almost out socket which is just about a daily thing now, and have swelling in my lower back radiating up on both sides of the spine.

I was scheduled to work today but my back is still swollen badly and every time I try to stand or move I get stabbing pain. My arms are back where they are supposed to be, but I am aggravated. I feel like my time with this job is ticking down and I can't do anything about it because it's my health that is the issue, not my work ethic. So I called out.. again, explained that I had fallen and was unlikely be able to get my back in order in time to be useful for my shift, and my manager was understanding and marked me down as called out.

I expressed to Osaka last night, and several times recently that I am SO TIRED of being sick. I have not been truly well since I was hospitalized last June. My health has been on a steady decline since then, and no matter what I try to do to heal and recover my body seems to be laughing at me and saying "NO." I am so damned frustrated, and I don't know what to do.

I guess if/when I get laid off for being sick, I will focus on school until I move at the end of Spring semester, and put in for work. I could get lucky and find something temporary that will accommodate my health issues and school schedule. I could also get hit by a bus tomorrow but I won't know if I don't try.

In not health news, I will have some doll stuff up for sale or trade soon-ish as soon as I have a day with good lighting and a few hours of piece and quiet. I may have wigs and clothes, but I'm probably gonna weed out resin bits first, and then worry about wigs, and eyes. I like having extra wigs and eyes on hands as placeholders and they usually find a home in someone eventually.

Kidney stone has left the Rory.

So, Monday I went to the ER and was diagnosed with a small kidney stone.

Tuesday, I went to class and then mailed off a small package to a German friend to help her out (she needed a neck donut for her hybrid doll). It was very cold about 20F, and I was stranded in the cold about 3 hours between buses because I missed one by about a minute (saw it stop, couldn't get across the street to it), and then when I caught the next one, the connecting bus had broken down.

Anyway when I got home, I was FREEZING, so I went straight to bed, curled up under all my blankets, and asked Osaka to please wake me in the evening so that I could eat something and take my evening meds. When I woke, I ate, took my meds, and felt kind of ill, so I went to the restroom and had a fever hit me. I had what I thought was a reaction to the morphine after the fact, but it turned out to be the stone breaking free from my kidney. I ended up stripping out of everything I was wearing and curling up in the fetal position until I felt something pop and I felt a burst of relief and then I got re-dressed, washed my hands and face, described what had happened to Osaka, and realized the pain had moved from my kidney to my lower back. It hurt like hell, and everything was raw.

Over the next several hours I had several "I need to use the bathroom" urges that turned out to be false and the stone progressed further. I continued to drink water, and I took ibuprofen since I was never able to get any actual pain relief medication.

Wednesday I had a short work shift. I went to work, the pain was mostly still in my lower back, and I was very thankful it was a short shift and passed quickly. When I got home it was more of the same. Pain, running back and forth the the restroom, drinking lots of water, ibuprofen as often as I could safely take it.

Thursday I had class. I was up into the wee hours hoping to pass the stone before class but that didn't happen. So I went to Psych class, ran back and forth to the restroom several times, and emailed my afternoon class professor that I would not be able to attend class because I was actively passing a kidney stone. She responded with understanding, and told me to feel better and not to worry about it.

I came home. I went to bed. I woke up. I drank water. I had an incredibly painful urination which is when I think I finally passed the stone. I chalked the pain up to dehydration from having been asleep, or just being raw or something. Two or three hours and trips later I realized I was in somewhat less pain and that it burned, and that there was an abrasion in the urethra. I realize this is rather more information than most might want, but I had a hard time when I was researching finding anyone having actually shared any REAL information on what they went through and so I am sharing because sharing is caring.

Of note, it doesn't stop hurting just because the stone is gone. I can still feel the painful path it took from my kidney down to my bladder and out, all of it, in raw swollen detail. Also while my kidney is less swollen, my back muscles are still hyper protective and clamping down on my left side over it. I also can't PROVE it's gone (without another CT scan) but the original CT scan showed only one stone, and I have tears in sensitive places on the outside where it would have come out, so I'm pretty sure it passed.

So that's it. Kidney stones suck. I have a very high pain tolerance and I would not repeat this experience again voluntarily for any amount of money in the world.

I have a kidney stone.

So. I have been in unspeakable pain for about two weeks in varying degrees mostly in my back and joints. I finally broke down and looked up the symptoms and it looked like it was an autoimmune response (which is within the realm of possibility) for an infection, and given the pain, that it was PROBABLY a kidney infection. So I agreed with Osaka last night that I would go to the ER today. I didn't want to, but I agreed to go.

And so I got up, got dressed, texted a friend who offered yesterday (and has been telling me for a week that I look sick and should go to the doctor) that I was ready to go to the ER. She dropped me off, because she had a sick wife at home who needed tending to, and I went in, described my symptoms, was weighed and I've lost 25 pounds since November somehow. Which, is alarming. I do need to lose some weight but this is not the way to do it.



Anyway they freaked out that my blood pressure was normal but my heart rate was about 97bpm. Then after a very short while I was taken to a room, asked to strip (except for my underpants) and put on a medical gown and a nurse would be in to see my shortly.

They took urine and blood, did a CT scan, did a thorough physical exam of my back where it's stiff and swollen, and the CT scan revealed a single small kidney stone and massive swelling and strained muscles on my left side surrounding the kidney. The doctor thought that I had probably twisted my back at some point as an active talker and simply not realized it until later, potentially further injuring it at work lifting heavy items as a cashier.

Before the doctor came back with the results he sent the nurse in with a bag of IV saline and a syringe of morphine much to my confusion. I did not ask for pain relief at all. I was asked consistently where my pain was at, and I was honest, but I never asked for anything for it. I think that he ordered that morphine when he saw the results of the CT scan. Unfortunately I wasn't expecting a painkiller and nearly got violently ill as I was asking what the medication was as the nurse put it in my IV. She did get me zophran after doctor approval, and seeing the color drain from my face and my hand clamp over my mouth vice tight. I tend to have a violent nauseous reaction to the stronger pain medications.

It's really going to suck when I pass this kidney stone. I need to go and see Dr Chou for a follow up and ask him about a script for something to have on hand for WHEN that happens and also ask if there are any dietary changes I need to make to make the process easier other than DRINK ALL THE WATER.

Mystery Bruise

I am in ridiculous amounts of pain and I really don't think a doctor visit will do anything at this point. I have a mystery bruise on my back that popped up.. Monday? It's deep, just a shadow at skin level, about 9 inches long, by 4 inches wide, off center from my spine. It hurts. My whole back is in screaming agony.

I also have what I call tissue paper joints. If anyone were to go poking and pulling they could easily and accidentally dislocate things. So.. on the one hand the bruise is not going away on its own and that concerns me, and on the other hand I don't want some ignorant ham-fisted medical person dislocating a rib or injuring my spine or, on a third hand to be fat shamed like I have spontaneously bruised my back by being heavy.

Resting has not helped. Moving has not helped. Ibuprofen has not helped. I can't take anything stronger because it would interact with my migraine medications (which like the goggles do nothing).

Ro was 10 on August 29th 2015.

I have excuses, lots of them in fact but we won't go into them. A ten year anniversary is a big deal. Osaka was kind enough to get Ro painted up for me beautifully for me shortly after I got his whiteskin Bluefairy body in residence and then I got his eyes and he sat waiting patiently as I determined that most of his clothes don't quite fit the way they did on the dream of doll body. They didn't fit the Dollmore body either, but I was expecting them to fit the Bluefairy body well, since Ed wears some of the stuff well.

Basically I need to make Ro an entirely new wardrobe and see what can be altered to suit. He's still Ro, and still beautiful and still mine and I will never ever get rid of him. He was my first doll, and he was perfect out of the box, and it's not his fault I mucked it all up.

Anyway he's whole again, on a new body, with beautiful hands that poses a bit better than the old one, is slightly more mature looking, and he still is just my beautiful boy.

For contrast, grainy webcam day of arrival photo(s) from August 29th 2005:


In contrast we both look rather different now ten and almost a half years later.



Ro is always going to be my special boy. All of my dolls are special, but he was the first of many and the unruinable, though it took years for the poison and drama associated with THAT person to fade enough for me to be able to touch him again. I still can't touch Christopher Owen much, and most of the ones I had have sold or been traded away, that she touched. Of that group, remaining I have Ro, Ichigo, Christopher Owen and Émile. Ichigo and I have had bonding issues of our own but come through it. Ro was in a box for awhile and it wasn't until I sold that Dollmore body that I was able to properly re-connect with him. Now I just need to figure out how to cleanse the drama from Émile and Christopher Owen because I refuse to let either of them go.

This post isn't about her though. This is about Ro. Here are some of my favorite photos of him over the years!



Edited to add that Osaka pointed out that I still have Elli, which I did not list as one of the remaining dolls I owned during the era of doll drama. I didn't mention him mostly because I did not let her touch Elli. Even drugged up on Zoloft and made into a yes-zombie who agreed to almost anything I wouldn't let her NEAR Elli. He was far too special and far too irreplaceable. His 10 year anniversary is next year.

Ill.

I woke up at ..2amish and now am wide awake. I went to bed early with a fever. I felt off all day yesterday and finally took my temperature in the evening after work and it was 100°F. My normal running temp is exactly 96.5°F. 

So I took some motrin, to bring the fever down, agreed that if my fever was still high in the morning I'd go to the doctor, and had my dinner. I don't think I have ever enjoyed eating less. Just nauseous, constant pain past my threshold, off the pain scale, my joints felt made of hot gravel and the connecting tissues felt like aching burning tissue paper, fragile and something to be careful of.

Shortly after I got home, but before I could make myself eat, I asked for help from DragonMouse with changing the sheets on my bed and he was kind enough to do so. So, with fresh sheets on my bed, I took my evening meds, apologized to Osaka, and went to bed very early because sick.

And now I am wide awake, fevered, cold, aching, and I've already taken motrin since I woke up so I'm just awake and in agony. Ugh. I don't want to go to the doctor.

Sorry for whining so much lately. I love you  guys, and I appreciate your listening/reading.

Anxiety Dreams, Pain, and General Crap.

I had from what I can remember of ..Saturday into Sunday's dreaming, an anxiety dream in which I was back in middle school, and aged roughly at twelve. I was definitely all my life experience brain me, but in my pre-puberty body with only the early weird stuff going on, and the nobody taking me seriously stuff.

In this dream, I had one of my recent college professors as a different subject teacher and I spent the whole block arguing at their desk that I was not 12 years old, that they were teaching the wrong subject, that we were in the wrong school, the wrong state, just that everything was wrong. And I remember just.. SO MUCH RAGE.

The person in question had the same sort of attitude most adults did when I was twelve, which was just kind of "I don't quite know what to do with you" which to be fair is still rather the case. They were pretty patient with me despite my arguing through the whole class block but I was like red in the face and just pounding my fist on the desk mad, demanding to be taken seriously, and just.. not being taken seriously.

Who is going to take a 12 year old seriously when they are telling people that they are a 32 year old college student?

I woke up pretty confused and it took me most of the day to kind of piece together what I had dreamed through migraine fog and pain haze.

On a Rory pain scale of 1 to 20, I was at about an 18 today. Also I got written up today for all my medical absences at work. All the ones with doctor's notes. I have been encouraged to pursue FMLA, which would allow me a number of medical call outs per month without penalty.

I'm in the negative for spoons. Tomorrow I sleep, today I guess. I sleep, and listen to calm music, and if my damn hands will keep from swelling too much I will sew my Pokemon patches to some t-shirts so that Robbie and someone in MSD or Yo-SD scale can get new t-shirts. Sewing. I've been wanting to sew all week.

A rant.

Stuff your face with delicious high calorie foods and don't you dare hold back because everyone worked really hard making those sweets and savories! Okay now it's January and you are FAT. Doesn't matter if you actually held back and haven't gained an ounce. We the media are telling you, you are FAT. Buy these diet pills, join a gym, for the love of all that's holy please do not consult your doctor or be responsible, and go buy a track suit and running shoes.

Okay how about those of us that try to manage our weight and food and calorie intake and balance our exercise year round? Nope? Still gonna target me because my medical conditions make me appear much fatter than I actually am? Thanks for that.

For what it is worth I walk or bus everywhere. My thighs are pretty solid muscle. My arms and core muscles have weakened over the year as I've been in and out of the hospital but pre-June, I was fairly fit under my chub.

I have a baby face. Look at this face (Dec 31st 2015). Is it soft? Yes. Is it FAT? No. Look at the neck.


Am I chubby? Yes I am. Do I carry extra weight, yes I do. Much of it requires surgical removal. I have lost most of what I can with careful diet, exercise, and medication as appropriate for my medical diagnosis.

I am so bloody sick of American advertising. I know it's not likely to be different anywhere else. I'm just so burnt out on it. I'm ready to throw myself back into my studies and resurface back into reality in a few years and see what I have missed or (not) missed.