Spring Cleaning? Insomnia.

I have some very productive insomnia. I cleaned my half of the room just about from top to bottom, and while Ringo is at school tomorrow I'll do what I can with his half, organizing and sorting and putting away what can be put away.

I've mostly left him to himself in regards to his stuff as long as I can reach my bed and he can reach his, but it had reached a state that may have been contributing to my depression and anxiety.

So when Osaka and Pherret went to sleep I started with changing my sheets, then sorting through the pile of clothes on the floor, then the upper bin of clothes. I lack of a chest of drawers so I keep two plastic bins stacked with out of season stuff on bottom. With the clothes I sorted clean or dirty, and then folded all the clean clothing and put it away.

I may have Pherret run me to Home Depot tomorrow to pick up another storage bin and might drop off my Build-A-Bears to storage. I'll have to see how the day goes. The only reason I've stopped cleaning is that I got a little winded after 3 straight hours of moving and lifting and sorting, and anything else I'd like to do, requires more moving of things than I can quietly do.

I am fairly pleased with my progress but completely dissatisfied with the general state of the room. If I remember I'll take some pics tomorrow before and after I tackle the shared space. I may even change Ringo's sheets too, and make his bed. If he hadn't been asleep in said bed, I'd have done it tonight.

As things stand, I may be having to move back to Texas in a couple of months. It's complicated and I don't want to ruin my cleaning zen by delving in too deeply for right now. Cleaning and sorting is giving me some minor relief. Moving is one of my biggest fears and without exposing all my raw spots, I'll just say that even when it's a "good" move, it's still a bad one for me, psychologically. And this wouldn't be a good move.

I'm hoping that focusing on something other than work and my questionable future, will help me to keep as sane as is likely for me. Cleaning has always helped with that, and I'm hoping to do some sewing and maybe even play with some of my dolls tomorrow. :]

I will also likely be sorting and putting away several loads worth of clean laundry too. That combined with my other plans, should give me enough to do to occupy me for the majority of the day, without having to escape into video-games, books, or movies.

Picture Meme

When you read this YOU'RE TAGGED! Take a picture of you in your current state, no changing your clothes or quickly putting on makeup. No photoshop!

Dark grainy webcam pic ahoy! I haven't shaved/groomed my face in like 3 days, so my beard looks sloppy as heck. No judging allowed.



So... tired. ;_;

30 Day BJD Meme: Day 10

I swear I will get through this whole meme. Just not in 30 days, obviously.

10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!


This was any easy choice. It's hands down, the best photo I've ever taken of Decke. He was still a kitten in this, or at least not fully grown. He was fond of cuddling up with the dolls. I never had to worry one bit about him running off with doll stuff or biting. Decke was an angel.

11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

Easter Eggs!

So this happened today. It was between 5 and 10 miles from our apartments. No fatalities thank goodness. This was after a stressful morning for myself (which seems silly in contrast), that I had just about calmed down from, when we changed the channel on a fluke and saw national footage of a jet crash in Virginia Beach. Osaka immediately changed to a local channel and we kept it there until we knew all there is to be known currently.

This evening we dyed our Easter Eggs, something I haven't done since I was very small. It was really neat. Ringo is old enough now that he can really appreciate it, and we had fun taking turns drawing our designs with the wax crayon and dipping them into the vibrant colors.

Then I experimented with adding a wax drawing over the first dye, and dipping it into a new color, and when that turned out neat, Osaka and Ringo had a try at it as well.

Here are the photos from that:











Oh and Bear's TTYA jeans arrived today. :] So, I took a couple of photos of him, and Ichigo.




They are very snug, but breathe, and he can sit and pose in them beautifully. I continue to be quite pleased with the quality of this company's clothes. I bought an outfit for the babies as well, and Toby is getting some slacks, while Christopher Owen is claiming the shirt. :]

Facial hair and health talk.

So, I've been waiting for my beard to thicken up enough to shape it into what is easily recognizable as a beard and I think I may have just reached that point.

It's still wispy as all hell, but with my recently increased dose the hair is beginning to really thicken up and grow in on my face. The acne has returned (but not with a vengeance) but I'm far less concerned with that, annoying as it is, as I am with the beard.

This was me, sometime in the last week:


Not a great indicator. This is me from maybe 2 weeks ago, where you can see how thick it is on my neck, which makes it look much fuller:


These are from tonight after I shaved off the majority of the thick dark hair on my neck. It was looking less like beard and more like LAZY, and so I've been thinking on and off what look I can actually pull off with my growth pattern. This is what I've ended up with:



Edit* Better Light:


It doesn't look like much in the dark, but I look much better put together. I think it will look far more professional at work too, which should help my confidence.

I've also been trying to cut soda out entirely, beginning with not drinking it at work. I'm trying to avoid junk food or fast food at work too. I had been losing weight for awhile but I noticed that I've gained back most of what I'd lost, sometime in the last two months. I'm not okay with that, so I'm making some permanent diet choices (NO SODA) and easing up on the snack-food, controlled portions, more protein. Next step is to start doing easy home exercise and then working out at the gym.

I want to move this weight but when I get to a certain comfortable point I tend to indulge myself, wrecking my progress. So I'm trying again. As uncomfortable as I am with my chest, I can't do anything about it while I'm still so far from my ideal weight. I'd like to get down to between 160 and 180, (so I'm shooting for a maintained weight of 170) which I think is reasonable and very possible. I weighed about 160 in highschool and I was mostly muscle then. I doubt I'll ever be that SMALL but I can aim for that weight ideally.

Also, I probably shouldn't have had those two 6 hour energy shots today(one at 9am, one at 5pm). I'm still VERY awake at half past midnight and need to be up in about 6 hours for a doubleshift. Oh well.

Hewitt has a name! And, 30 Day BJD Meme: Day 9

Well, Hewitt has a name; Kodiak Storm, but I'm calling him "Bear". He's also developed quite a backstory, which is always nice, even if it takes place in Alaska which I know next to nothing about.

I've also ordered him a pair of TTYA jeans, these ones, after getting confirmation that they should fit him well. I threw in this outfit, for one of the babies, since I really like it, and if I'm paying EMS shipping I'd prefer not to do it for a single item. I loved the TTYA jeans I got for Christopher Owen so much, the quality is AMAZING, that eventually I'd like to get TTYA jeans for all my dolls.

Not a whole lot going on for me aside from working. My hours are still very long, stress is erratic, but I've got Osaka, Ringo, and the dogs for comfort and sanity. I've also been chatting with Steve weekly which has been quite pleasant. :]

And just to fluff this out, here's the next 30 days of BJD Meme entry. I will get all the way through it eventually. e_e;;

9) What is your least favorite size?

Hmmmmn That's a hard question. Honestly I'd say Puki or smaller. I love Reji of course, but they're just too small for me to really want to play with.

The Minies are still the most appealing in terms of the satisfying weight in my hands, the scale, compared to the dolls I grew up with (predominantly Barbies/G.I.Joes) etc.

I'm also not a fan of the HUGE 70-80cm range. That's just way too much doll for me. I love the EID but I'd be more comfortable with an SID I think.

So, the least favorites I'd say, are the polar opposites in sizes.

10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

HOLY GRAIL DOLL!! (Hewitt)

After an extended layaway and a frustrating time with USPS, I have in my hot little hands, my DREAM DOLL. This is the Be All End All of dolls for me. There are still plenty I like, but this is the one I never ever thought I'd get.

That said, I am pleased to introduce, my as of yet un-named Hewitt.

Clothing! I did make a shirt for his arrival (the one he's wearing) but I'm quite pleased at bonus clothes, cause I won't have time to properly sew for him anytime soon. <3


It was at this point I got overly excited and tore off all the bubblewrap and stuff before I remembered to take a photo.


And this is with his wig, clothed, and the 14mm goldenrod eyes I had ready. I didn't realize he had his beautiful default citrine eyes until I opened the box, but they look a little too soft on that mature Super Dollfie Cute body, with that mature faceup.



With Wotan's lovely SDC Kaede. I think he was flirting but it's hard to say.




And with Reji Dragonborn! Reji still needs his overcloak for his Archmage outfit.

I am so excited to have him. He's just beautiful and I never dreamed I'd actually get my Hewitt, let alone on that gorgeous SDC boy body. <3

30 Day BJD Meme: Day 8

Wow, did I really just quit this only seven days in? Booo. Bad Rorek. And I also apologize that so many of my recent posts have been whining. Back on track!

8) What is your favorite size?

I'd have to say that my favorite size is definitely Yo-sized. Which is anything in the 26-30cm range, depending on the company. Currently, I think my collection is split close to 50/50 between MSD and Yo-SD sized dolls.

Er no, I have 9 Yo-sized dolls, versus 6 minis, if I've counted correctly, with plans for more of both sizes, and more SD (and larger) as well.

It should be noted though, that I resisted the teenies for several years until Volks Kuuta was released. I felt they were too small for me, and I LOVE the scale of the minies. :] And, playing with Apollo has rekindled my love of MSD, so it's really a very close call between whether MSD or Yo-SD is my favorite size.

9) What is your least favorite size?
10) Post a picture of a doll and an animal!
11) How long have you collected dolls? Did you collect dolls before BJDs?*
12) What do your friends think of your dolls/dolls in general?
13) Dollie shoes! Show us how many you have!
14) Have you ever had a floating head? What about a headless body? (What do you think you would do if you had either?)
15) What does your family think of your dolls?
16) Can any of your crew stand on their heads? (Show us~)
17) What is your favorite item of dollie clothing?
18) Do you have a favorite company?
19) A least favorite company?
20) What is your dream doll?
21) One doll you love, but will never (probably) buy?
22) What’s your favorite doll scale prop?
23) Is there a part of the BJD hobby that you dislike?
24) What about your favorite part of the hobby?
25) Have you ever modded a doll? (Do you think that you would?)
26) Done your own faceups? (Again, do you think you’d do that?)
27) Do you have a favorite out of your own dolls? (Don’t worry, we won’t tell the others ;D)
28) Post a crazy/silly pose!
29) Post a picture of your dolls exploring the outside world!
30) Have you ever been to a doll meetup? Did you enjoy it/do you plan to go to one in the future?

Migraines are no fun.

So.. I had an unfortunate experience yesterday (Monday into Tuesday). Sunday night I took a booster shot to prepare for my higher dose of T, so that my baseline wouldn't spike so badly, and it would be a theoretically easier transition to my higher dose.

What I got instead was hands down the WORSE migraine I have ever experienced. It started early Monday, when I woke up after a full night's sleep, feeling as though I had not slept at all, and looking it. By description, I was pale with dark circles around my eyes. I felt exhausted but had some breakfast and played Skyrim for an hour or two before heading into work.

Upon arriving, the first thing Michele, my manager asked me, was "Are you feeling okay? You're really pale." I explained that I hadn't slept well, but aside from that I felt fine. Then over the next hour I began to feel nauseous, and about 2pm (an hour after I began my shift) I was dizzy, INCREDIBLY nauseous, and was doubled over in pain from head to toe. I had a splitting headache that hurt mostly behind my eyes, but more intense than I've ever experienced before, which is saying alot since I have a history of migraines. I also had intense light, smell, and sound sensitivity, and couldn't stand at all, because when I tried, I couldn't keep my balance.

So I ended up leaving work early, frustrated, and miserable, and came home and went straight to bed. Osaka helped me get up into bed, and I curled up into a tight ball until I fell asleep.

I woke around midnight, had some cheese and crackers since my nausea had settled a little bit, and crawled back into bed. When I woke up this morning, I still had intense light and sound sensitivity, and an unsettled stomach.

After discussing with Osaka, I went to my doctor, and we determined that Osaka's instinct was correct. The migraine was most likely caused by the spike in testosterone. So, rather than my dose doubling as it was going to, I will be stair stepping it up, SLOWLY, and I've been given a prescription of something with caffeine, tylenol, and codein in it (I can't remember the actual name) to help in case this happens again after my shots.

I have experienced mood swings and occasionally a spike in temperature following my shots, but never a migraine of this degree. Usually I just feel a irritable about a day and a half after the shot, sometimes with a downswing of depression and/or anxiety, and then I swing back up. These are all possible side effects with taking testosterone.

Funnily enough, Dr Fusco had been reading an article on testosterone treatment this morning just before I saw him, and saw the first listed side effect was headaches. He felt badly about it and, because I had just seen him a few days ago, he didn't charge me for today's visit. We discussed my options, and have agreed that I am to call him (or at least the office) after my next shot and let them know about any changes in reaction.

I am fine now, but I do not envy anyone who suffers migraines as severe as the one I had yesterday, and I pray never to have one like that again. Migraines suck anyway, but usually they don't completely cripple me like yesterday.

MSD Converse shoes?

Can anyone point me towards a pair of converse style shoes for MSD? I'd prefer black, red, or grey, but really I'm open. They've been around in different forms, from the tall knee-highs, to the ankle versions, and I'd prefer to purchase a pair second hand if at all possible, so I'm not paying $30 in shipping for an $8 pair of shoes. Help?